Ryan James was paging through his mother’s copy of Parenting. This was
one of Ryan’s secret pleasures and something he did in the privacy of
his room. Ryan knew an eleven year old should not be perusing through
parenting magazines in the privacy of his own room. If it was a porno
magazine, then maybe he would be normal, but Ryan preferred to look
through parenting magazines. He looked for articles on bedwetting and
potty training. He also really looked at the diaper ads and longed to
wear diapers again. Ryan had no reason to wear diapers. He wasn’t a
bedwetter, having stopped when he was six. He was potty trained at a
relaxed age, but was fully functional by his fourth birthday. There was
one incident when he was seven and Ryan loved to relive it in his mind
all the time. He was taking a bath and decided to poop in the tub. His
mother came in and saw what he had done. She put him in diapers and kept
them on Ryan for a week. At the time Ryan’s little sister Sara had just
turned four and thought it was extremely funny that her older brother
had diapers, just like her baby brother.
Lately Ryan’s desire had gotten much worse. Ryan’s little brother, Brad,
was four years old. Their mother had been trying to potty train Brad for
over a year without much success. A week earlier she decided to put Brad
back in diapers for few months and try again later in the summer. This
made Ryan happy, because once Brad became potty trained he would lose
his source of diapers. Ryan would occasionally try Brad’s diapers. He
would sneak one a diaper out of Brad’s room and take it to his own room.
There he would undress and put the diaper on. He could only wear it a
few minutes because he really didn’t have much privacy. There was always
a reason somebody would come into the room and he couldn’t risk having
them see himself in a diaper. Sometimes he was able to actually wet the
diapers, and that was the best. Still, it wasn’t the same. He had total
control and he had to change them himself. Ryan really wanted to have
his diaper changed.
Once Ryan was being a pest for a baby-sitter. The baby-sitter was trying
to get Ryan to settle down and stop bothering his sister. When all else
failed, she threatened to put him in a diaper, like Brad. For a while
Ryan wondered if she would follow through with the plan, but it never
happened. He just got sent to his room and was spanked when his parents
came home. Ryan was also anxious because he was growing. For the longest
time he easily fit into Brad’s diapers. Now Brad was in size 6 diapers,
but Ryan was having trouble fitting in them. The tabs could just barely
fit around his waist. He wasn’t that big for an eleven year old boy. He
only weighed seventy-five pounds, but he was almost five feet tall. The
biggest diapers just weren’t designed for kids as old as Ryan. He feared
that his days of stealing diapers were over. Then, Ryan turned the page
and saw the greatest sight in his life. There was a new Pampers&trade,
designed for bedwetting children. It was called Pampers&trade Kids® and
they were diapers designed for older children. Ryan looked at that ad
and wondered how he could get his mother to buy some for him. Of course,
he couldn’t just tell her that he wanted to wear diapers. He had to make
his mom believe that he really needed diapers. Ryan decided that he
would start wetting his bed that night and start having potty accidents
after that. Ryan could hardly contain himself for the rest of the day.
He couldn’t wait for bedtime, so he could start his plan. He even
thought about starting earlier, and staging a potty accident that
afternoon. He thought about it, but decided that it wouldn’t be
believable. He had to take this easy, otherwise his mom might start
suspecting that he was doing it on purpose. His plan was to wet his bed
a few days in a row, and then start having daytime accidents. First it
would be wetting accidents every once in awhile, and then every day.
After wetting accidents, then he would start messing his pants. Finally,
in about two weeks, he would completely stop using the bathroom
altogether. His mother would have no choice but to put him in diapers.
It was either that, or do laundry all the time.
Ryan ate his dinner quickly that night and went about his normal
routine. Their family usually settled down to watch some TV after their
dinner and this was no exception. At about eight o’clock Ryan’s mother
would give Brad a bath and then tuck him in bed. After Brad was in bed
Sara had to take her bath. Ryan’s got to stay up till 10, because it was
summer vacation. His mom usually had to force him in the shower at 9:30,
but on this night Ryan almost ran to the shower. He was so excited about
his plan that he could hardly wait to get to bed. Ryan went straight to
bed at ten o’clock, which was very unusual for him. His mother peaked in
and said "are you feeling all right?"
"Yeah, I’m fine." Ryan sounded almost excited.
"Well, you went straight to bed, I was worried you might be sick."
"No, I’m fine."
"Well, maybe this is sign that you’re maturing."
Ryan lay in bed, wondering when to leave his mark. He wanted to pee
right away, but decided against it. First, it wouldn’t make sense to wet
right after going to bed. Second, he would have to sleep in the wet bed
all night. He decided to wait till morning and wet just before waking
up. He slept hard, but often woke up around 6:30. He always needed to
pee at that time, and that would be a good time to let it go in his bed.
He had a hard time falling asleep. All he could think about was what was
going to happen. Finally, it seemed like hours, Ryan fell asleep. He
really didn’t sleep that well, waking twice in the middle of the night.
The first time was around two. He tried to pee at that point, but
couldn’t. He was also thirsty, so he walked down stairs and got a drink
of water. The second time he woke up was at 5:35. He knew the exact
time, because he turned straight to his clock to see. He kind of needed
to pee, so he decided to go for it. Ryan tried to pee, but nothing was
coming. He tried again, but could only fart. This was much harder than
he expected. He had been going in the toilet for so long that he could
no longer pee in his pants. He turned to his stomach, and began lifting
up his crouch.
Finally a stream of pee starting to flow from his penis. It first was
pretty weak, but soon gained strength. He completely emptied his
bladder, which was full from all the water he drank earlier. He
completely soaked the bed, and he felt satisfied with his work. Sleeping
the rest of the night wasn’t as easy as he hoped. Ryan rehearsed his
words that he planned to use to tell his mother. The bed was drenched,
which made him a bit uncomfortable. Still, Ryan fell back asleep, and
woke up again around 8:30. He woke up, and looked at his bed. There was
no hiding the fact that he wet the bed. The sheets were completely
drench, and so were his pajamas. The bottoms of his pajamas were so
soaked that they clung to his leg. He got up and shouted "MOM!!"
Ryan’s mother came running to his room and said "What’s the matter? Is
there a fire?"
"No, I wet my bed." Ryan said in a dejected fashion that he had
rehearsed hours before. Looking at the bed she said "You certainly did.
You haven’t done that for a long time. Were you feeling ok last night?"
"I thought so. I don’t know."
"Well, when did you do it?"
"I don’t remember. I just woke up, and the bed was wet."
"That’s not like you to sleep so soundly. You probably weren’t feeling
great. Maybe you should take it easy today. I’m sure it’s nothing major,
sometimes these things happen. Let’s not worry about it unless it
happens again. Maybe you shouldn’t drink as much after dinner, and no
This was about what Ryan had expected. He knew his mother wouldn’t
overreact to one accident. This was a long term plan, and just the first
battle. Of course, losing soda privileges was a casualty, but Ryan
accepted the casualty as a soldier. "I guess that’s all right."
"Help me take these wet sheets off the bed and then go take a shower."
Ryan helped his mother take the soggy sheets off his bed, and then
walked into the bathroom for an unusual morning shower. The only worry
he had was that his mother might tell Sara what happened. Ryan wasn’t
ready for his sister to know, but realized that she would eventually
find out He just wanted to delay her knowledge as long as possible. Sara
saw Ryan run into the shower and her mother carry a load of laundry from
his room. Everything was suspicious, and she asked "What happened?"
"Nothing honey, Ryan’s just taking a shower."
Sara wasn’t old enough to put the two events together, and realize that
Ryan had wet his bed. She was only seven, and tended to take what her
mother told her at face value.
Ryan debated with himself whether to have an accident that day. He
really wanted to go ahead and pee his pants, but decided to wait
instead. His mom was convinced that Ryan was sick, so she didn’t let him
go outside to play. Ryan spent the whole day in the house; watching TV.
This was fine with him, since Ryan wasn’t really fond of playing
outside. He didn’t have many friends, so all he would do was ride his
bike around the neighborhood.
He was mainly eager to go to sleep again. Once asleep his plan could
progress and he could have another accident. Just like the night before,
Ryan didn’t waste much time getting to bed. At 9:30 he jumped into the
shower, and then at 10 he jumped into his bed.
The next morning Ryan woke up at around 4:30, and needed to pee. This
time he just put a little pressure on his bladder, and began to wet his
bed. Once again he soaked his bed, and it was much easier than the night
before. Ryan fell asleep again, and his mother woke him up at 8:30. His
mother shook him; and said "Oh honey, did you wet your bed again?"
Ryan looked down at his mess, and in his best guilty voice said "I think
"Boy, I sure hope this isn’t the start of a problem. You haven’t wet
your bed for five years. Are you sure your all right?"
"Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t know why I’m wetting the bed. It just happens
while I sleep."
"Well, if it keeps happening I’m going to have to call Dr. Hilker. Let’s
take these sheets off, and then you can take a shower."
Ryan was getting a little impatient. He had just wet his bed two nights
in a row and his mom was being so understanding. This is the same mother
who put Brad back in diapers. Ryan wondered how long he would have to go
before he got diapers.
Ryan thought about having his first daytime accident on that day, but
the opportunity never really came up. Ryan’s mother was an author, which
meant she worked out of home. The only day that she wasn’t home was
Thursdays, when she had to drive to San Francisco to meet with her
publisher. That meant Ryan had to spend the day at daycare. Ordinarily
daycare wasn’t that bad. It was sort of a day camp and they always had
great activities. They would go on hikes and go to the lagoon to swim.
Thursday was always a day that Ryan looked forward to, but not this
time. He really wanted to get his plan going, but wasn’t ready to wet
his pants in front of kids his age. Maybe at some point, if it helped
put him in diapers, an embarrassing accident might be in the works. On
this day, there was no accident.
Ryan left for daycare, not really wanting to go. He almost wet his pants
even before leaving, figuring that would get him out of it.
Unfortunately, the pee wouldn’t come and his mom told him to use the
bathroom before they left for daycare. Once Ryan got to daycare he
almost forgot about his plan. It was one the best days that he ever had.
They took a field trip to the zoo in the morning and then had a picnic.
After the picnic they watched a movie and then played a game of soccer.
Ryan really enjoyed the soccer game. Soccer was one of the sports that
Ryan was pretty good at. He tried to play baseball, but was afraid of
the ball. He couldn’t hit the ball. Soccer was different. Ryan was a
goalie and was pretty good. It was the only thing that Ryan could do
which other kids thought he was any good. While playing soccer he
decided to forget about his plan. It wasn’t really that he lost the
desire to wear diapers, but he was more interested in soccer. They
didn’t get home till six o’clock and then had their dinner at seven.
Ryan was no longer eager to go to bed since there was nothing exciting
about it. At 9:30 his mom said, "your turn to take a bath."
Ryan was engrossed in his TV show, and ignored his mother’s words. Five
minutes later his mother raised her tone:
"Ryan, you need go take your bath."
Once again, Ryan ignored his mother. Two minutes later his mom shut off
the TV and said, "YOUNG MAN, I HAVE TOLD YOU TWICE, NOW GO TAKE YOUR
This was Ryan’s code to know that his mom meant business. He got up and
slowly dawdled to the shower. He took a really slow shower that night.
He was trying to waste as much time as possible, and finally at 10:15
his mom pounded on the bathroom door and shouted, "Ryan, hurry up in
there. It’s time for bed."
Ryan finished up his shower and put on his pajamas. This was done with
his usual vigor, which meant it took him five more minutes. His mother
knew the game well and as he walked out of the shower she looked at him
and said, "you're pushing it, kid."
Ryan walked into his room and climbed up to his bed. He heard the most
wonderful sound: The crinkle of a plastic sheet. It was music to his
ears, and all of the sudden his plan was back in action. Ryan was so
excited that he pumped his hand and said to himself "YEAH!"
Ryan’s mother was right behind him, and said, "I put a plastic
underneath your sheets to protect your mattress. If you don’t have an
accident, we’ll take it off. Is that ok?"
Ryan hid his excitement with a somber tone. "I guess so, I just feel
like a baby." Ryan figured that baby comment might get his mom thinking.
"Oh, don’t worry. This happens to lot’s of people. Did I ever tell you
that your father used to wet his bed?"
Ryan’s mother delighted in talking about their father’s shortcomings. It
was one of the effects of the bad divorce that occurred when Ryan was
seven. Ryan didn’t really care because he had no love for his father,
either. Ryan’s father was a womanizing playboy who didn’t spend any time
with their kids. He was supposed to have the kids on alternate weekends,
but half the time he canceled. Sometimes he would forget to pick them
up. Sometimes they would spend the whole weekend in their father’s
apartment watching TV while their dad stayed out all night. Two years
after the divorce Ryan’s mother petitioned for more restricted
visitation, and their father disappeared. Ryan hadn’t seen his dad for
Ryan slept chiefly that night. He loved to move around the bed just to
make his mattress crinkle. He had the plastic sheet on his bed when he
was younger, but was taken off when he was eight. His mom thought she
was being kind and having confidence in her son. Ryan didn’t want to
tell her how much he missed it, but he realized it that night. He had
missed the security that the cover gave him. He didn’t disappoint his
mom the next morning. Like the two previous nights, Ryan wet his bed. He
was conscious, but barely noted the time. It was so easy this time that
he didn’t even have to think about it. Ryan was amazed how much easier
it was to wet the bed now. He really had to concentrate the first time
he wet his bed, but this time he just started to pee. Ryan woke up in
morning, and when he walked down to the kitchen his mother asked, "did
it happen again?"
Sara was at the table, and being her nosy self, asked, "did what happen?"
"Ryan’s been wetting his bed, sweetie."
"He’s wetting his bed."
Ryan interrupted his sister; and said dejectedly "yeah, I did."
"Well, I’m going to make a doctor's appointment for you. Did you strip
the bed, and bring the sheets to the laundry room? You need to do that,
and I might as well teach you how to wash the sheets. Your old enough
That last part worried Ryan. How could he convince his mom to change his
diapers? If she was going to make him wash his own linen, than there is
no way she would ever put him in diapers. He did as he was told and put
the sheets in the washer. His mom taught him how use the washing machine
and told him that was now his chore.
Ryan was slightly discouraged by his new chore, but decided to proceed
with his plan. He staged his first accident that afternoon. He went
outside to ride his bike after lunch. He got the urge to pee and decided
this would be a good time to wet his pants. He only had to concentrate a
little because all his nighttime accidents made it easy for him to pee.
A short time his shorts were soaked, and it was obvious that he had an
accident. Riding home, Ryan wondered what his mother would say. This was
a big step, and maybe put him over the edge. He walked into the living
room as his mother was changing Brad’s diaper. Ryan said "Mom! I had an
Not really being sure what he meant; she wasn’t looking at him.
"I was riding my bike past Jim’s house and I started to pee my pants. I
tried to stop, but it was too late."
"You wet your pants."
Ryan tried his best to hide his glee, but there was definitely a hint of
joy in his voice. His mom looked up and saw the front of Ryan’s pants.
The whole front of Ryan's pants were soaked in his urine.
"Gosh, you did pee in those pants. Maybe I’m going to have start using
diapers on you as well." She said it in a joking fashion, as if to make
light upon a serious moment. "Well, go clean yourself up, and be more
careful from now on."
Ryan could hardly hold his excitement. He wondered how serious his mom
was, and didn’t really believe his ears. Did his mother really say that,
or was he hearing things. He eagerly awaited his next accident.
Ryan knew his plan was progressing well. He wanted to fast forward his
life a few days because he figured it would only be a little while
longer before he would get his diapers. It was really tempting to start
progressing his plan even further and have another accident that night.
His original plan was to only have one accident the first day, that way
his mom wouldn’t become suspicious. He had to make his mom genuinely
believe that he was really having accident. Ryan feared that if he had
too many accidents at once, his mom may think they were on purpose. Ryan
decided to follow the plan and wait till tomorrow for another accident.
Ryan’s favorite night for TV was Friday night. The shows on ABC were all
of his favorites. Watching his favorite shows kept Ryan’s mind off his
plan till it was time for bed. Since he watched all four shows he didn’t
have to take his shower till ten. About 10:30 Ryan finished his bath and
settled down to his bed. Ryan’s mother came in to comfort her son and
let him know about the appointment she set up with Dr. Hilker.
"How are you doing?"
"Fine, I guess." Ryan had to remember that he was supposed to be a
little scared. "I hope I don’t wet my bed again."
"Yeah, me, too. I made an appointment with Dr. Hilker on Tuesday, maybe
he will know why you’ve been having these accidents. Don’t worry about
it. I know you aren’t doing this on purpose, so I’m not going to get mad
at you. Just try to remember to use the bathroom every once in awhile,
and I’ll try to remind you."
"Ok, mommy." Ryan didn’t call his mom ‘mommy’ often, but every so often
it would slip out. It was especially common when they were having
intimate conversations, like these. ‘Mommy’ just seemed more appropriate
for a time like this. Even though Ryan wanted his mom to put him back in
diapers, he didn’t like to call her ‘mommy’. It wasn’t so bad when they
were together, but he sometimes called out ‘mommy’ when he was with his
friends. That is not a good thing to do, especially when he was with his
other fourth graders.
"Well, sleep tight." His mom said, as she gently kissed him on the
"Good night." Ryan was careful not to let ‘mommy’ slip out again.
Ryan was reasonably tired when he finally put his head down to the
pillow. He had peed a little bit after his shower, mainly because his
mom urged him to use the bathroom. He purposely didn’t pee fully because
he didn’t want to waste any of it. Just a moment after shutting his
eyes, Ryan felt the urge to pee again. With only a tiny bit of thought,
he released the pressure from his bladder and urine began to fall unto
his sheets. Ryan was mostly asleep during this venture, but he did have
Ryan’s mom wanted to check on him before she went to sleep. She walked
into his room just about midnight, hoping that she could wake him up to
use the toilet. When she reached down onto Ryan’s bed, she saw
immediately that Ryan had an accident already. She shook her son and
said "Ryan, get up. You wet the bed."
Ryan was groggy, and uttered "Whaa--t?"
"You have to get up. You wet the bed again. We need to change the
Still getting his senses, after waking up from a deep sleep, Ryan slowly
rolled out of bed. "Ok." Ryan said, in about the same speed that he was
lifting himself out of bed.
"Do you still have to go?" his mother asked.
"Just to be sure, why don’t you go in the bathroom and finish up. You
can also clean up a little, and I’ll change your sheets."
Ryan didn’t expect his mom to wake him up in the middle of the night. He
was glad that he chose to pee right after falling asleep. He wasn’t
totally awake, even while he walked down to the hall bathroom. Ryan took
off his soggy pajamas and stood in front of the toilet waiting for a bit
of urine to come out. It reminded him a lot of his days of potty
training. He just stood in front of the toilet, and nothing was coming
out. Finally a little, tiny bit of urine started to flow from his penis.
Barely a tablespoon made it to the toilet, but this satisfied Ryan.
Ryan didn’t bring in pajamas with him to the bathroom, which meant he
had to walk back to his room in the nude. Ryan, being a typical eleven
year old boy, didn’t like the idea of running through the house nude. He
was getting his bearings and was more aware of his surroundings. When he
realized that he had to walk back to his room in the buff, he picked up
the pace. He got into his room, and his mom had already changed his
sheets. She handed him another set of pajamas, and said, "Did you pee in
"Yeah, a little."
"That’s good. Go back sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning."
Even before his mom had shut the door; Ryan was back into a fast sleep.
The whole sequence seemed to happen with Ryan not really registering
what had happened. Ryan usually woke up early on Saturday mornings. He
watched cartoons with Sara and Brad, and woke up around 7:30. His bed
was wet when he got up, and Ryan tried to remember having the accident.
He thought he slept straight through the night, except for the midnight
experience. He could barely remember peeing in his sleep sometime around
four. All Ryan remembered was rolling over and thinking he should have
his accident soon. Right after thinking about it, Ryan started to pee in
Ryan decided to strip his bed and bring his wet pajamas to the laundry
room. He got dressed into his usual Saturday play clothes and walked
downstairs to the laundry room carrying the wet linens. Sara and Brad
were already watching TV when Ryan walked downstairs, and Sara noticed
what Ryan was carrying. "Did you wet your bed again?" Sara asked in a
little demeaning way.
Ryan ignored his sister’s words, and fixed up his bowl of Corn Pops®.
Mom saw all three kids heavily engrossed in their cartoons when she came
into the family room. She went straight to Ryan and asked "Was there any
problems this morning?"
She only wanted Ryan to hear her question, but Sara had her rabbit ears
tuned as well. She immediately blurted out "Yeah,he peed his bed this
morning. The sheets are all in the washroom."
Mom got a little annoyed at Sara, and said "Thank you, RYAN" trying to
get the message across that this was a private conversation between Ryan
and herself. Sara was just a little too young to get the message, and
her mother’s rebuke went past her.
Turning her head towards Ryan, mom asked "is that true?"
"Yeah, I wet again." Ryan had a lot of practice with his disappointed
voice, and it really sounded authentic.
"Oh well," she sighed a little, and then went on "thanks for bringing
the sheets to the laundry. Did you start the washing machine?"
A disappointed looked feel over his mother, and then she asked "How
about a shower? Have you taken a shower?"
Once again, Ryan had to answer "No."
Ryan could see the frustration approaching his mother’s face. She bit
her lip and let out a loud sigh. She didn’t say any words, but her body
language spoke volumes. She was really frustrated with her son, but
couldn’t get mad at him. Finally she gathered her words, and said "I
think you should go up and take a shower. You had the accident last
night, plus this one. You want to make sure that you bathe after wetting
Ryan went upstairs and took a shower. Ryan never took a bath without his
mom’s urging. If it were up to him, there would never be any baths. Ryan
was still a little disappointed in himself. He thought he was being
mature, even though he was doing this on purpose, by taking his sheets
down to the laundry room. He was really trying to do everything that his
mother wanted him to, but he forgot about the shower and starting the
Ryan’s mother was on top of it, as well. She was going to start the
washing machine after Ryan got in the shower, but decided to wait.
Instead of chastising Ryan, she just waited till he got out of the
shower. Ryan went into the kitchen and his mother calmly asked if he
would start the washing machine. The request was not a punishment, it
sounded more like a favor.
Ryan eagerly answered his mother’s request. He walked to the laundry
room, which butted up against the kitchen. He looked at the big machine
and tried to remember what his mother told him the day before. He
remembered to put the sheets into the machine, but couldn’t remember
what temperature to set it at. "What temperature do I set it at?"
Ryan set the machine too hot, but then saw all the options: Permanent
press, delicate, and regular. He tried to guess what he needed to set it
to, but kept changing his mind. He thought about delicate, because the
sheets seemed thin, and press also made sense. After trying to guess for
a few seconds, he asked "what do I set it at?"
"Super wash, honey."
Ryan didn’t know where super was, and asked "where’s that?"
"Just below regular."
He turned to super, but nothing happened. He expected the machine to
start right away, but it wasn’t. "It’s not starting. It’s broken." Ryan
was getting a little more confident, and was sure he was right.
"Did you pull the knob?"
"The knob that you turned to super. It pulls out."
"Oh." Ryan pulled the knob, and TA DA the machine started. Ryan was
thoroughly satisfied with his work, and for a moment forgot about his
overall plan. Being independent had its advantages, but soon Ryan
remembered his master plan.
It was still in the midmorning, and Ryan had gone back to watching his
cartoons. His breakfast orange juice had rushed through his system, and
he now had to pee. He just visualized sitting on the toilet, and pretty
soon was peeing his pants. The pants became complete saturated in urine,
and some of it leaked on to the carpet. Ryan was sitting midway between
Sara and Brad.
Sara turned her head to say something to Brad, and immediately saw what
Ryan had just done. "Oooh, you’re going to get it." She told her brother
in a condescending way. "I’m telling mom."
Ryan tried to stop his sister from shouting out. "NO WAIT!"
It was too late, even before he finished Sara had shouted "MOMMY! RYAN
PEE PEED HIS PANTS, AND IT WENT ALL OVER THE FLOOR."
"Ryan Jefferson James!" Three names from a mother is never a good thing.
"You’ve got to stop this. Go and clean you self up and be careful."
Ryan couldn’t hide his excitement. He nearly waltzed to his bedroom as
he changed clothes. Ryan figured it wasn’t going to be long now, maybe
even by the end of the day. Just a few more accidents, and the diapers
would be his.
Ryan disposed of his wet clothes, and washed his legs. He came back
downstairs, and his mother called him to the kitchen table. Ryan figured
this was going to be stern conversation, where his mother warns him that
he may have to start using diapers if these accidents continue. He
mentally rehearsed he apologetic voice, and the hopeful "I’ll try
harder," retort. He meekly walked up to the table, and sat across from
his mother. She looked him straight in the eye, and said "I want to
apologize for earlier. I had no right getting upset at you. I know that
this isn’t on purpose, and we’ll make it through this together.
Sometimes mommy might get upset, but she isn’t getting upset at you. I
still love you, and always will. I’m not mad at you, and I’m try not to
get frustrated. You need my support more than I need you to stay dry.
Please forgive mommy, and I’ll try harder."
This was not at all what Ryan expected. In all his life, his mom had
never apologized, and he certainly didn’t expect her to apologize for
this. He hadn’t prepared mentally for this, and felt a little
disappointed. He had to gather his thoughts and then said "that’s all
right, thank you."
Ryan had to hide his discouragement when he walked from the table. This
was a step backward. He was further from diapers than he thought. Why
did he have to have such an encouraging mother? Why couldn’t his mother
be one of those moms who freak out when their children do things?
The day went on without a lot happening. Ryan played with Brad until
lunch. A half hour after being outside, mom called out from her study
"Does anyone need to go potty?"
A half hour later, she walked to the yard and tapped Ryan on the
shoulder. "Why don’t you go to the bathroom?"
This new attention to Ryan’s toileting was strange. He suddenly had more
encouragement for his plan. Maybe it was progressing as planned. Rather
than getting all defensive, Ryan went to the bathroom like a good
soldier. He wasn’t really that good at peeing without the urge, but
About once an hour Ryan mom encouraged him to use the bathroom. They
went to the grocery store about two o’clock that afternoon. Before they
left for the store, mom made Ryan use the bathroom again. This time Ryan
actually did pee in the toilet. Ryan acted a little put off by his mom’s
constant reminders, but deep inside he knew this was what he wanted.
The grocery store was one of the secret pleasures that Ryan enjoyed.
There were several reasons why he loved visiting Safeway and
Albertson’s. He liked to read all the magazines in the rack, choosing
which food the family ate, and eyeing all the candy in the aisle. What
he loved most of all was DIAPERS. He loved to walked down the diaper
aisle, and look at all the different diapers. Ryan loved to look at all
the different diaper brands: Luv’s, Huggies, Pampers, Pull Ups, Good
Nites, and all the store brands. Ryan would look at the diapers and look
at sizes. Next to the diapers was all the other baby items, which Ryan
loved as well. Pacifiers, rubber pants, bottles, and diaper pins made
Ryan’s brain fill with desire. Walking the diaper aisle was one of the
highlights of Ryan’s week. Of course getting a chance to walk down that
aisle was sometimes difficult. Ryan didn’t think it was right for a boy
to gawk at diapers. Fortunately, the magazines were usually close by.
Ryan would tell his mother he was going to read magazines, and walk
slowly by the diapers. She would usually tell him to pick up Brad’s
diapers on his way, which gave him the needed excuse. He would stand and
look at the all the diapers and dream. After what seemed like an
eternity he would pick up the Huggies Size 6, and walk back towards his
mother. Holding those diapers also gave him pleasure, since he could
easily imagine they were for him. Every time he came back his mom would
ask, "What took you so long?"
Ryan always answered "I was just looking at magazines."
This was no different than the usual visit. Brad sat in the cart, while
Ryan and Sara ran roughshod through the store. They usually stayed
together for a while, but then lost interest in what their mom was
doing. Ryan was old enough to walk the aisles alone, but Sara had to
stay with Ryan when she came. Ryan didn’t mind Sara tagging along,
although she never understood why he took so long choosing diapers for
"I’m going to go see the magazines." Ryan said.
"Ok. Don’t take so long this time."
"Ok, do you need anything?" Ryan asked in his hopeful tone.
"Yeah, Brad needs some more diapers. Pick up the Huggies&trade size 6."
"Can I go with?" Sara asked.
"Sure, but stay with your brother. Ok?"
"Ok, mommy." The two of them made good pace to the magic aisle. The
magazines were in the front part of the aisle, while the diapers were in
the back. Ryan picked up a copy of Mad and paged through it. Sara
paged through a copy of Jack and Jill, for little kids.
After a short time of reading their magazines, Sara tugged on Ryan’s
shirt and said, "We've got to go."
Ryan put the Mad back in the rack and walked directly to the diaper
aisle. "Why are we going there?" Sara asked.
"I need to get Brad’s diapers." Ryan answered quickly.
Ryan entered the aisle, and his eyes got large as normal. They had them
set up like brands, so the store brand was way down at one end. Huggies
were next to Pampers, and then Pull Ups and Goodnites were together.
Ryan was getting a pick, looking at all the diapers. Then out of the
corner of his eye he saw it. Right next to the Goodnites was Pampers
The very thing he wanted more than anything. There were three sizes
available: large was up to 75lbs, XL was from 75lbs to 100lbs, and XXL
was for over 100lbs. Everything was as he imagined it. It had a colorful
package with a picture of the diaper. Next to diaper was a child fitting
the description of the respected. You couldn’t see the diapers on the
kids, but the idea was there. Underneath the picture was the word
"Discreet protection for older children."
Ryan looked at the child at his size, and almost peed his pants right
there. Unfortunately, Ryan instinctively stopped his urine from going,
and when he realized that he wanted to pee he couldn’t start again. Sara
noticed the same thing and said "Gee, that’s what you need!"
Ryan didn’t even hear what Sara had said; he just stared mesmerized at
the diapers. A minute later their mom rolled the cart to the aisle and
said "there you are. Let’s go, we’re finished."
Sara wanted to show her mother the diapers that Ryan needed. "Look
mommy, diapers for big kids! That’s what you should buy for Ryan."
Ryan looked with a little disgusted; he still wasn’t ready for her to
bother him about accidents. The idea of having his younger sister hold
this over his head still didn’t work for Ryan.
Mom was also not impressed with Sara, but decided not to make a big
issue of it. "Ha Ha, very funny Sara. Sara, don’t tease your brother
about this. It is none of your business."
Ryan could only keep his mind on the Pamper Kids. He really wished his
mom agreed with Sara, and put the Pampers Kids diapers in her basket.
Instead, she chastised Sara for teasing her brother. It wasn’t what Ryan
wanted, but he expected it to take some time. Once in the car Ryan felt
the urge to pee. Once again, he figured this would be the perfect
opportunity for another accident. He was getting really good at peeing.
When he first started this plan, he had to concentrate on a toilet to
pee. All he had to do now was think about peeing. He started to pee
right after deciding that it was a good idea. It happened so fast that
Ryan himself didn’t know whether it was a real accident. Sure he wanted
to pee his pants, but didn’t expect it to be so much. He had peed so
much that day, about once every few hours, that he couldn’t pee a large
volume. Only a little bit of pee came out, but it was enough to show.
Ryan decided to keep quiet about his accident and wait until they got
home. He put his shirt over his pants, which kept it from Sara watchful
Once out of the car, his shorts dropped below his shirt. Exposed right
in the middle of his shorts was a baseball-sized damp spot. It was
obvious what he had done, and his mother noticed it right away. "Don’t
tell me you did it again."
"Yeah, it happened in the car." Ryan’s guilt hid his happy interior.
Deep inside he was so excited that he could barely contain himself. He
knew he should keep this excitement from his mom, and act like it
"Ah, this is getting pretty hard. Let’s just hope it doesn’t get any
"Yeah," Ryan said with a false hope. He knew full well that things were
only going to worse. He imagined in just a few days he would surely be
back in diapers.
An hour later Ryan was next to the kitchen when Joyce, their
baby-sitter, walked in the house. Joyce is the nineteen year old
daughter of the James’s next door neighbor. She had baby-sat Ryan, Sara,
and Brad for the last three years, although this last year she was in
college in Fresno.
Joyce just got back from a vacation that she took after finishing
school. The kids hadn’t seen her since Easter, and anytime Joyce visited
was cause for celebration. Joyce was very popular with all three, mainly
because she treated them she was their big sister. She really cared
about all their lives and listened when they talked. Joyce valued what
each said, which was unusual for people than Ryan. Joyce started helping
Mrs. James take care of the kids shortly after they moved to the Canyons
neighborhood. At the time Joyce was just sixteen, but very responsible.
Ever since then, the relationship between the two families had grown
into a strong friendship. Joyce thought of Mrs. James as a trusted aunt,
and felt that the kids were the siblings she never had. Joyce wasn’t a
model type, but had sort of a Alicia Silverstone beauty to her. She was
the type of girl whom you could tell she nice just by looking at her.
She always smiled, and seemed to be in a good mood a lot.
Ryan was old enough to realize that his baby-sitter was hot, but didn’t
have any strong attraction to Joyce. Ryan wasn’t quite into girls yet,
but decided that if he wanted a girlfriend, he would want her to be like
Joyce. Hearing Joyce come in brought Ryan a lot of excitement. She had
just been in Spain, and Ryan had learned a little bit about Europe in
school this year. When she told him that she was going to Spain, Ryan
immediately looked to see where it was, and tracked Joyce’s progress on
Ryan was still just outside the kitchen, and his mom couldn’t see him
when Joyce walked into the kitchen. She thought Ryan was up in his room,
or out in the yard. She looked at Joyce and said, "thanks for coming in.
I forgot at the store, and need to go back there. Can you watch the kids
for a few minutes while I’m away?"
"Oh yeah, sure. I’d love to. I haven’t seen them for awhile. I can tell
them about my trip."
"Speaking of which, how was it?"
"It was great. I got to see Madrid, Barcelona and Paris. Paris was the
"I thought you were just seeing Spain."
"Well, we went through and had some more time, so we went to Paris.
Paris was great. So how are things here?"
"Ok. I’ve gotta get to store, so we should talk later. Before I go, I
should tell you what you should watch for. Brad’s back in diapers."
"He is," Joyce responded with slight sigh.
"Yeah, we tried to potty train him, but he just wasn’t getting it. So
its back to diapers, and we’ll try again later in the summer. He’s just
been changed, so he should be fine. Keep your eye on Ryan."
"Has he been acting up?"
"No, he’s been having accidents."
"You mean like falling."
"No, potty accidents."
"Ryan?" Joyce was clearly puzzled.
"Yeah I know, strangest thing. It started just a few days ago with the
bed, but now it’s happening in the daytime also."
"Yeah, he’s had two accidents today. He wet his pants this morning, and
then again in the car on the way home from the store. Don’t mention
anything, poor little guy is sensitive about."
"I won’t, but I’ll keep my eye on him."
Joyce walked into the family room and Sara immediately noticed her.
"JOYCE!" She shouted with glee.
Brad saw Joyce and immediately said "Yeah. I missed you."
"How was your school? Did you bring me anything?" Both Brad and Sara
seemed to asked simultaneously.
"It was good, and no, silly."
Ryan kept a low profile. He wondered whether would pay attention to his
little problem. Joyce had a knack for covering the basis; without
letting the kids know she was doing it. The kids all stayed with Joyce,
listening to her tell about her trip. The kids listened to every word,
but after fifteen minutes Ryan started to hop around. Joyce saw this,
and knew that Ryan had to go to the bathroom. She laughed at Ryan and
said "gee, you’re hopping around like Bradley here, when he needs to go
potty. Go! You’re making me have to go!"
It wasn’t the smoothest order, but it did the job. Sara took the time to
tell her older sister about Ryan’s little problem.
"Ryan’s pee peed his pants twice today."
"I don’t believe you. I think you’re just fibbing." Joyce was talking to
Sara the same way she did when they were teasing each other.
"No, it’s true."
"I don’t believe you, you’re just a fibber." Joyce immediately started
to tickle Sara, which put Sara’s mind of her brother.
Ryan decided not to wet his pants in front of Joyce and peed in the
toilet. Joyce stayed with them about two hours, although their mom came
back in less than a half hour. They had dinner after Joyce left, and
then went through the same routine.
As the night went on Ryan wondered about the progress he made towards
his goal. He didn’t really know where he stood. His mom was worried
about his problem and paid a lot of attention to it. It was clear she
had it on her mind, but it didn’t look like she would ever put him in
diapers. She was so understanding that Ryan was getting impatient. He
decided tomorrow he would bring in the big guns, and start pooping his
pants. He didn’t have any extra eagerness to go to sleep. The joy of
wetting the bed without diapers was gone, and he wanted diapers now. He
wasn't excited about having more accidents; it didn't have the same
flair as before.
He dawdled through his shower and then walked into his room His mom was
already in the room when Ryan walked in. Ryan couldn’t believe what he
saw when he walked in. There in his mom’s hands was a package of XL
"I think you should wear these until this stops."
Goodnites were a step in the right direction, but they weren’t what he
wanted. He really wanted diapers and couldn’t hide his disappointment.
In a genuine sigh he said, "I guess so."
Ryan’s mother assumed his despair was due to the disappointment from
having to wear Goodnites. It actually was from not getting to wear
diapers. Ryan accepted that he wasn’t going to wear diapers that night,
but seeing his mother give him Goodnites was step sideways.
Ryan put his Goodnite on, and decided it wasn’t that bad. It had the
feel of a diaper, but not the complete dependence he wanted. It was a
step in the right direction, just the full way that he wanted to. Ryan
fell sound asleep and he thought about his new protection that he now
had. Early in the night he decided to test the Goodnite, and it worked.
The Goodnite filled with a warm liquid, and then it soaked into the gel.
Ryan worried that he might flood it, but it contained all that he needed
He woke up in the morning, and looked down at the Goodnite. The Goodnite
had turned a yellowish color, but it didn’t leak. It was obvious that he
had used it during the night and mom expressed her relief for making
Ryan wear them. Upon looking at his drenched Goodnite she said, "Well,
I’m glad you wore this last night."
Ryan knew this was going to be a good day to have some more accidents.
They always went to church on Sunday mornings and his mother was
particularly sensitive to accidents in their church clothes. When he
used to wet his bed for real, he wasn’t sure if his last few nights
‘real’ since he didn’t really know when he actually peed, he had to wear
Pull Ups to church. Even Sara wore Pull Ups to church when she was four
and she almost never had accidents after her fourth birthday. Ryan knew
an accident in church would help tremendously towards his goal; maybe
even be the nail in the coffin.
After church they were going to a festival in the park next to airport.
Ryan decided that he would also have an accident at the festival, even
though it meant peeing his pants in public. All his accidents so far had
been in private; either in their car, or at his home. Ryan wasn’t sure
he was ready to embarrass himself in public, but knew he was going to
have to start sometime. An accident at a festival filled with people
would go along way proving to his mother that he couldn’t control his
He contemplated having a messy accident as well, but wasn’t sure when
the best time was. Ryan only had to poop once a day, every once in a
while he would poop twice. He knew it was going to be hard to mess his
pants, because he would have really think hard. Even before he started
this quest for diapers, he would try to poop his pants a few times. Ryan
didn’t really understand why he did, but there were times that he
thought it would be cool drop a load in his underwear. He never did,
mainly because it was harder than he imagined. He would fart and strain,
but no poop would fall. Eventually he always had to give up. Ryan was
eager to take the next step, but could only hope it would come at an
Ryan went through his morning chores wondering whether his mother would
request he wear a Goodnite to church. He almost expected her to tell him
that it would be a good idea to wear a Goodnite. He had to strip his bed
in the morning, because the Goodnite leaked a little. His sheets weren’t
soaked like they were the night before, but still needed to be washed.
Ryan knew this meant he was closer to getting diapers, which secretly
Ryan walked right past his mother while he carried the sheets to the
washing machine. He waited for her to stop him, but she didn’t. Not
discouraged, he settled for his breakfast. He ate his breakfast and
talked with his mom about stuff. Ryan tried to keep the conversation
light, since he figured that would allow his mother to use it to request
that he wear the Goodnites to church. After about five minutes of light
conversation, Ryan decided to change the focus a little. His mother
wasn’t mentioning anything about his recent problems, so Ryan decided to
bring it up.
"What time is my doctors appointment?"
"1:30 on Tuesday," His mom answered with an abrupt care.
"What are we going to do tomorrow?" Ryan asked, hoping that might spark
"Well, I’ve got to go to San Francisco for a meeting. Brad has his
nursery school, and you and Sara are going to day camp."
"Day camp, huh. I hope I don’t have any problems there." Problems was
their euphemism for accidents; it was easier to discuss the situation
using ‘problems’ instead of accidents, or wetting.
"Boy, I do too." Ryan could definitely hear the anxiety in his mother’s
voice. Something was wrong with her son and she had no clue what it was.
After a little pause, his mom looked at her watch and said, "We’ve got
to leave in twenty minutes; go upstairs and get ready."
The conversation didn’t get what he wanted, but Ryan still figured his
mother may wait until he was getting dressed. He showered like usual and
went to his room. He decided to help matters by letting mom know that he
was out of the shower. "How much longer do we have?" Ryan shouted from
the top of the stairs.
"We’re leaving in ten minutes. Haven’t taken a shower yet?"
"Yeah, I just have to get dressed." Ryan really stressed the last word,
hoping to pass the message to his mother. It almost sounded awkward, but
it didn’t work. His mother didn’t come upstairs, or even ask him from
the kitchen. Ryan got dressed as usual. He put on his underwear, good
pants and best shirt. He walked downstairs with the hope that she would
think about it right before they left.
It didn’t happen. Ryan’s mother really wanted him to wear Goodnites, but
didn’t want to ruin his confidence. The whole time that they were eating
breakfast, she was thinking of a way to ask Ryan to wear a Goodnite. She
couldn’t think of an easy way to break the news to him, so decided to
let him wear underwear.
Ryan was disappointed about the Goodnites and wondered what his mom was
thinking. Just the day before he wet his pants twice and now was going
to place where he may have to wait an hour before using the bathroom. An
accident in church would be awful, and surely his mother considered
making him wear Goodnites. He wondered whether she thought this was as
serious as he hoped. Mom’s actions at church proved her concern, which
relieved Ryan’s worries. They normally sit in the front and often right
in the middle. This time they sat in the back and she made sure Ryan sat
right next to the outside aisle. That way Ryan could leave the sanctuary
on the side and no one would notice.
Before they walked into the service mom told Ryan "Honey, go use the
restroom before church starts. That way your bladder is empty."
Ryan happily followed his mom’s advice. He picked up in the change of
her tone regarding the requests. Just a few days ago she urged Ryan to
the bathroom through veiled request. She wanted to help Ryan use the
bathroom, while preserving his dignity. Now the requests were much more
open and more direct. Ryan knew it was getting close.
They sat in the pews and mom made sure Ryan had an aisle seat. She sat
next to him and whispered in his ear, "if you have to go potty, just
leave. Don’t wait for church to finish."
The service was long, as usual. Ryan believed in God and wanted to be
good, but hated church. Church was the boringest part of the whole week.
One hour that Ryan sat in a hot church listening to the pastor drone
endlessly. Ryan didn’t really understand what he was saying and the
jokes didn’t seem funny at all. Sunday school wasn’t that bad, but Ryan
didn’t like the peachiness of it. He always left Sunday School feeling
guilty about something and relieved that he had a full week before
another day of church.
Ryan felt the urge to pee during the pastor’s sermon. It was good
timing, because everyone had just settled down after the last hymn. Ryan
could pee his pants now; just like he was peeing in the toilet. Ryan let
a small bit of urine out of his system and then looked down at his
pants. He saw the small damp spot right in the middle of cotton pants; a
telltale sign that he had an accident. A small wet spot appeared right
in the middle of his cotton pants and Ryan tugged at his mother’s arm.
"Mom, I peed my pants."
Mom almost said what she felt. The second she felt Ryan’s tugged she
thought "oh god, please don’t be what I think it is." When she heard his
words, she nearly screamed "oh shit!", but remembered where she was and
who she was with. Ryan noticed his mom bite her lip and mouth "oh
shoot." Ryan knew she what she wanted to say and what it meant. She
pushed Ryan out of the pew and said "let’s go." Mom turned to the pew
behind and asked the parishioners in that pew to keep an eye on Sara and
Unbeknownst to Ryan, his mother packed along an extra pair of pants. She
didn’t know whether to expect an accident, but wanted to be prepared.
"I’ve got an extra pair of pants in the car. I hoped it wouldn’t happen,
but wanted to be prepared."
Ryan had many emotions as they walked to their car. He felt a little
guilty putting his mom through this, but was thrilled about the extra
pants. Ryan’s first public accident went by without a hitch and Ryan set
the stage for more.
They got to the car and mom opened the trunk. She pulled out another
pair of tan dress pants and gave them to her son. Ryan was about to walk
back to the church; figuring he would change in the bathroom. Mom said
"you know, you are just going to have to walk back to the car after
getting dressed. Why don’t you change the pants out here?"
"But people will see me." Ryan remembered having to change his pants in
public when he was little, but never saw older kids do this. Like most
pre-teen boy’s, Ryan wanted privacy when he wore his birthday suit. He
even hated peeing in public toilets, because people could see his
"No they won’t. We’ll open the car door like this," Mom opened the car
door halfway, making a forty-five degree angle from the car. "I’ll stand
guard right here," she stood in between the door and car, "and you can
change in between the door and car."
Ryan was still dubious, but agreed with the request. "Turn around then,
I don’t want you seeing me."
"Ryan, I’ve changed your diapers. I’ve seen everything."
"I know, but I don’t want you seeing me now."
"Ok," his mom said with a little bit of a sarcastic tone.
Ryan knew he was being silly, after all she would see him nude once he
did start wearing diapers. Ryan just felt more comfortable if his mother
turned the other way, but don’t think the diaper comment didn’t raise
his pulse. Ryan defiantly received a jump in his rhythm when his mother
mentioned changing his diapers.
Ryan felt like a little boy while he changed into new pants. The fact
that he was changing pants because he wet his pants only enforced his
perception. It was somewhat of a pleasant feeling when he dropped the
wet pants and then pulled up the dry underwear. He put the new pair of
pants over his underwear and then told mom that it was ok for her to
turn around. Ryan’s mother said, "I’ll tie your shoes, while you tuck in
Ryan felt even more like a little kid as he stood tucking the shirt into
his trousers. His mother bent down; tying his laces. The whole scene
reminded Ryan of being six years old and not the eleven year old male he
They got back from church at 11:30. Nothing happened after his accident,
although Ryan’s mother made his use the bathroom twice during Sunday
After lunch, they prepared for the festival. Ryan had just finished
trying to pee in the toilet, when his mom followed him to his bedroom.
"Ryan, honey." She talked with a caring attitude, which hid the bomb she
was about to drop. "I think you should wear a Goodnite this afternoon.
We don’t want a repeat of the church episode."
Ryan couldn’t hide his excitement; but managed to give a restrained "ok,
I think that would be a good idea." Ryan was trying to act mature, so he
responded in his best adult voice. Ryan grabbed the Goodnite from his
mother’s hand and gratefully pulled down his underwear.
Ryan could hardly contain himself as he pulled the Goodnite up to his
waist. Goodnites weren’t diapers, but they were the next best thing. He
knew from the night before that he could pee in them without care. Ryan
checked them out in the mirror before putting his shorts on. The
Goodnites looked cool, but still too much like underwear. Ryan sighed a
little and then pulled his shorts over the Goodnite. He made another
look in the mirror and decided that it was unnoticeable under his
shorts. No one could tell, even if they were looking.
Ryan walked down to the living room just as his mom was changing Brad’s
diaper. Brad looked so content lying on the floor; Ryan wished dearly it
was him on the floor instead.
"Now, I want you to try to use the bathroom. Don’t just use the
Goodnites as diapers, or that’s what you’re going to wear," Ryan’s mom
gave him a stern warning.
"Ok Mom." Ryan answered, knowing full well he had no intention of using
the toilet that afternoon.
After she got Brad diapered, mom shouted out "Let’s get to the
Wilkerson’s; they are probably waiting for us."
The Wilkerson’s were the family next door. Joyce, the baby-sitter, was
their nineteen year-old daughter. Shirley Wilkerson was a civic leader.
She headed the Chamber of Commerce for a few years and now was setting
up to run for the County Representative for their district. Aunt
Shirley, as the kids called her, was nice enough, but not overly sweet.
She always had a determined look on her face and didn’t seem to have
much time for the kids. Uncle Bob was very different. Bob Wilkerson had
been a Vice President of the biggest drug chain in the area. Two years
earlier Bob had a heart attack and his doctors told him to reduce stress
in his life. Not needing the income, Bob retired from Long’s and started
to pursue his hobby. Bob made furniture and was really good at it. After
a year of making furniture, Bob was in such high demand that he almost
hired a staff. Instead, he just cut back on his business, only making
pieces for select friends.
Joyce was Bob’s only child. He married late in life and didn’t have
Joyce till was forty-two. He missed most of Joyce’s childhood. Now that
he retired, he looked upon the James’s kids as his own. He loved to be
around the kids and always made things for them. He made both Ryan and
Sara beds. Ryan’s bed looked like a rocket. The headrest was the actual
rockets; the back of it even had painted fire. There was a cone at the
foot of the bed, which looked like the tip of the rocket. Sara’s bed was
more traditional, with a huge pink awning. It looked exactly like the
bed that Sara’s dollhouse for her Barbies, which uncle Bob also made.
Brad wanted to get his own bed as well, but his mom wanted to wait till
he was dry. The bed would be Brad reward for getting dry, until then he
had sleep in a crib that Uncle Bob made. This was a traditional crib,
but expertly manufactured. It was almost like the antique cribs that
families had at the turn of the century, except that the rungs were
close enough that no baby could stick their head through it.
Bob also made toys for the kids. He made Sara’s dollhouse, which had
intricate detail. Even the windows opened and shut, just like real
windows. He made a Sara a model house, which she and her friends used to
play house in. Ryan loved airplanes and airports. Uncle Bob made Ryan a
replica of San Francisco Airport, complete with the jet ways. When Bob
traveled to different places he always made sure to buy Ryan some cast
planes to use in his airport and Ryan had one of the best collection of
cast planes around. Brad got his own workbench, which was an exact model
of Uncle Bob’s.
Uncle Bob tried to get Ryan interested in building things, but it really
wasn’t Ryan’s game. Ryan would help him for a while and then lose
interest. Brad, on the other hand, could spend hours in Uncle Bob’s
workroom. Bob always let Brad help him, even though Brad’s ‘help’ got
more in Bob’s way.
The Wilkersons were all ready when the James’s walked in the door. Ryan
immediately noticed Joyce. She had denim overalls on and pulled her long
brown hair into a pony-tail. This was a style with girls nearing their
twenties and it made them look around thirteen. Ryan loved seeing girls
wear overalls and Joyce’s figure complimented the overalls more than
ever. Ryan pictured his future girlfriend, which he wanted to look
exactly like Joyce.
"So I hear Brad’s had to go back to diapers." Aunt Shirley replied to
"Yeah, but that’s not the only one I’m worried about."
"Well, it looks like Ryan’s having his difficulties as well." Mom sighed.
"How’s that going? Any better news?" Joyce asked.
"Nope. He wet again last night and today at church. We’ll just have to
use protection until Tuesday. Hopefully his Doctor will know what’s
Sara’s strong ears heard her mother’s comments and immediately shouted
"Ryan peed his pants again! Is he wearing baby pants?"
"No, honey. Ryan’s has Goodnites, but you know that you shouldn’t tease
"Why? He’s peeing his pants like a baby." Ryan felt awful during this
exchange. The one person in the whole world whom he wanted to impress
was Uncle Bob and now his mom had just told uncle Bob that Ryan wet his
Aunt Shirley intervened and said to Sara, "You know, you should be
helping your brother. I bet he would help you."
"You mean Ryan needs my help?" Sara didn’t think of that possibility.
"Oh yeah, and helping him will make you feel better."
Sara walked away from Aunt Shirley and looked at Ryan with an air of
superiority. She suddenly felt like her older brother was no longer her
guide and she was his role model now..
They went to a Chili Cook-Off, that was right next to the airport. The
festival was jam- packed with people and there was always huge lines for
the bathrooms. Ryan, of course, didn’t worry about that, because he just
peed in his Goodnite.
Sara took Aunt Shirley’s words to heart and made sure to give Ryan all
the extra help he needed. The family walked around the sites together
and every time they went by the porta-potties Sara would ask Ryan if he
needed to go. Ryan mostly ignored his sister’s advice, except when his
mother said, "I think you should try and go."
Ryan just let small bits of pee into his Goodnite and after an hour the
garment was soaked. Ryan thought about telling his mother, but decided
to wait. He figured if the Goodnite leaked, his mother may decide to put
diapers on him right there.
An hour later Ryan felt the urge to fully pee. He released a little
urine into his Goodnite, only this time it didn’t stop. He completely
emptied his bladder and the Goodnite saturated with urine. The Goodnite
was so soggy that it pulled away from his bottom and dropped deeper into
his shorts. They bulged up and the shorts bulged all around his crotch.
Ryan hoped that there was a leak, but it was only small; just a tiny bit
right on the sides of each buttock. A keen-eyed observer would have
figured that the boy wore protection, since an accident would have wet
the entire crotch.
Ryan told his mother, "Mom, I think I need a new Goodnite."
"What do you mean ‘think’? Is it wet?"
"Yes." Ryan admitted.
"What happened? Weren’t you paying attention when your sister told you
to go to the bathroom." The idea of having his little sister tell him to
go to the bathroom didn’t sit right with Ryan, but he decided this
wasn’t the time to say this to his mother.
"I just peed. I tried to hold it, but it just kept coming." The last
part was actually true; Ryan really did try to hold it.
"Is it a lot?"
"I think so. It feels like it is almost going to leak."
Ryan’s mother put her hand inside Ryan’s crotch and felt the wetness.
She pulled her hand out and said, "Boy, you sure do need a change." She
reached into Brad’s diaper bag and pulled out a fresh Goodnite. "This is
the only extra one of these I brought, so be careful."
Ryan took the underpants from his mom and asked, "Where can I change?"
"Well, you can change in one of the porta-potties, but I don't want you
go alone." Mom looked around and saw Joyce. "Joyce, can you take Ryan to
one of the porta-potties? He needs to change his pants."
Joyce grabbed Ryan’s hand and they walked to the nearest set of
porta-potties. Joyce looked at Ryan and shook her head, "I think we may
have put you in diapers, like Brad."
Ryan really wanted to say "ok," but he bit his tongue. He was getting a
little impatient, but he couldn’t ask for diapers. Ryan wanted to wear
diapers and asking to wear them just wasn’t the same. He had to act like
he didn’t want diapers, so he asked, "Do you think so?"
Joyce hinted a bit of hopefulness in the question, which seemed odd. She
gave Ryan a quizzical look and said, "We’ll see. I don’t think you mom’s
going to make you wear diapers, but she might. If it were up to me, I
would put a diaper on you now."
The words rung through Ryan and he felt a confident smirk coming on. He
knew that diapers would be close. Even if his mother didn’t put him in
diapers, Joyce watched them a lot, he had just needed to wet himself the
next time Joyce watched him and presto, he gets his diapers.
It felt a little strange standing in line at the porta-potties. There
was about twenty people in line when Ryan got to the potties. Ryan had
his fresh Goodnites in his hand and the Goodnite he wore leaked over his
shorts. Ryan looked over at the line next to him and there was a little
girl pointing at Ryan’s underpants. Ryan noticed the girl’s mother
chastising her daughter, but staring at Ryan as well.
Ryan changed into the fresh Goodnite and put the old one in the bottom
of potty. He looked down into the potty and saw a whole bunch of used
diapers; some of them looked big. Ryan didn’t really know much about
adult sized diapers and wondered why there were some diapers that big.
He continued to void small bits into the fresh Goodnite. They stayed
around for another two hours, but Ryan never let a major flood go into
his pants. He could not have any more soda, which limited the amount of
urine he produced. His mother also made him go to the bathroom just
before they left.
Ryan stilled had not pooped that day, Ryan usually pooped only once a
day and he trained himself to do it around four. That way, he never had
to poop at school. As four o’clock rolled around, Ryan noticed the urge
to defecate build. He could have pooped in the porta-potty when his mom
made him use the bathroom just before they left the festival, but there
was no way Ryan would evacuate his bowels in a porta-potty. Even if Ryan
did not want to have an accident, he would have waited until he got home.
It was only a ten minute drive from Kennedy Park to their house and Ryan
figured he could make it home without trouble. Once home Ryan would be
free to go in his pants and further execute his plan. Unfortunately
there was traffic leaving the park and that made the trip longer. It
took them twenty minutes to get to the freeway and another ten minutes
from the freeway to home. Ryan had his fill of chili and pop and that
was working its way through his bowels as they traveled. He really
didn’t want to have his accident in the car, but the pressure kept
building up. Just as they were turning onto highway 238, about five
minutes from home, Ryan decided to alleviate the pressure by farting. He
lifted his cheek to let out a little fart, but that’s not what came out.
His bowels let out a moderately liquidity excretion that had the
consistency of pudding. It quickly spread through his Goodnite and the
sides didn’t contain all mess.
It didn’t take long for the ripe aroma to spread through the entire car.
Everyone though Brad had just gone in his diaper. Joyce was sitting in
the very far back with Brad and his mom. She playfully tugged Brad’s arm
and said, "Did somebody just go poo poo in their diaper?"
Brad was confused, not really knowing why there was a fuss. He turned to
Joyce and said, "I didn’t go poo poo."
Mom knew someone had messed their pants. She lifted her nose with
surprise and said, "You didn’t." She looked in Brad’s diaper; "No, you
Sara didn’t waste much time and immediately grabbed the top of Ryan’s
shorts. Ryan tried to turn away, but it was too late. Sara already got a
good look inside and saw his shorts were defiantly soiled. "It was Ryan,
"Ryan, what happened?" Mom asked with disgust.
"I don’t know."
"That what you say all the time. Are you doing this on purpose?"
"No!" For a moment Ryan forgot that he really was doing this on purpose.
In his mind, the last accident was real and he was telling the truth.
Nobody said much the rest of the way home. There was a bit of tension
from the accident and mom had to stew for a few minutes. Ryan sat
apprehensively in his seat; he jiggled his butt around to get more
comfortable and held his breath to alleviate the smell. Ryan turned
around a few minutes later, but his mom was still angry. Joyce pointed
at Brad’s diapers with a body language telling Ryan that she would have
Mom apologized to the Wilkerson’s for Ryan’s accident. It wasn’t
necessary, but made mom feel better. She sent Ryan into the bathroom to
clean up and prayed that these problems could somehow end.
Ryan decided to take advantage his mom’s frustration. Ryan figured if he
could become helpless, his mother would bring out the diapers. He went
into the bathroom and pretended to clean up. It was difficult, because
the accident was so messy. It seemed like he was getting poop all over
everything and knew leaving the bathroom a mess would be trouble. Ryan
wanted diapers, but didn’t want any part of his mother’s wrath if he
spilled his mess in the bathroom. I minute after going in the bathroom
he shouted, "Mom, I need your help."
Mom agreed to help and went into Brad’s diaper bag for some baby wipes.
There was one diaper left in the bag and she almost brought that as
well. She had in her hand, but then decided to put it back. She felt
that she would regret putting Ryan in diapers at this moment, so she
The best way to clean the accident was to have Ryan lie on the floor.
The sides of the Goodnites don’t pull away like Pull Ups, but mom
managed to tear both sides. She lifted Ryan’s legs up in the air with
her left hand, while her right hand wiped his bottom with the wipe. Ryan
was in bliss; this was exactly what he wanted. The accident was messy
enough that it took several wipes before Ryan’s bottom was clean. It
probably took his mom three minutes of wiping, but it was just a split
second in Ryan’s mind. Ryan shut his eyes and imagined his mom placing a
diaper underneath his bottom, but there was no diaper when his mom
dropped his legs.
"I think you should take a bath to make sure you’re really clean." Mom
told Ryan after she finished wiping. She started the bath and then left
Ryan alone in the bathroom.
Ryan, who didn’t like baths normally, was still in bliss when he sat his
butt into the tub. He was more determined than ever to get his diapers
and vowed never to use the potty again.
Ryan made good on his promise to stop using the toilet that night. His
mother didn’t give him a Goodnite after his bath, so Ryan dressed in
underwear. He waited till dinner and then let his bladder go. It was
getting to the point where he had little choice. He began to pee almost
the instant that he felt the initial urge.
Ryan and Sara watched "The Simpson’s" while their mother gave Brad his
bath. Ryan sat in the lounge chair and about ten minutes into the show
pee began to flow. The accident was pretty bad and created a puddle on
the chair. Ryan didn’t react to accident, figuring it would be better to
ignore it. That way his mom would walk in and see Ryan with his shorts
As fate would have it, Sara looked over at Ryan just about the time Ryan
finished wetting. As soon as Sara saw the puddle form she shouted out,
"MOM!!!! RYAN WET HIS PANTS AGAIN!"
Ryan wondered what exactly his mom’s reaction would be, but the answer
was a very nonchalant, "Well, help him clean it up."
"Why? I didn’t pee my pants!" Sara felt like she was being punished
because Ryan was acting like a baby.
"We’re a family and we help each other. Somebody needs to get the towels
to wipe of the mess, and I don’t want Ryan walking around the house when
his shorts are dripping. Go to the laundry room; there’s some wash rags
Sara stormed off. She didn’t understand why she had go to the kitchen.
Ryan was the one who peed his pants and mom wasn’t even mad at him. She
thought that if Ryan were her son, she would spank him hard. She wished
she was bigger than Ryan, because then she could spank him. She grabbed
the wash rags and stomped back into the leaving room. When she got to
the living room her mom asked, "Did you put them in water?"
"No!" Sara snapped.
"Well, go back and get the rags wet. We can’t clean the chair unless the
rags are wet."
Sara stomped back into the kitchen and shoved the rags in a bucket and
quickly pulled up the faucet. She walked back to the TV and slapped the
rags into her brother’s hands. Then she just sat in the couch next to
the chair and sulked while watching the rest of the show.
Sara’s indignation subsided when her mother told Ryan, "You might as
well get ready for bed. Go upstairs and put on your PJ’s." She finally
was going to be able to stay up later than her brother.
Ryan stood shocked at his mother’s order. "Awe mom, .. .... .. Do I have
"Yes!" Mom bit the top of her lip to hide her growing rage. "You need to
change anyway. It’s almost bedtime and I don’t want you walking in
underwear. Go upstairs and put your Goodnites on."
This tone was not one to mess with, so Ryan did as he was told. He came
back down in his Goodnites and pajamas. The Goodnites were hardly
noticeable under the pajamas, but that didn’t stop Sara from commenting
the slight bulk around Ryan’s waist.
"I can see your baby pants!" Sara said in a needling voice.
Instinctively Ryan responded, "Nah uh."
"Uh huh, and pretty soon you are going need diapers like Brad. Boys are
just babies and all of them should wear diapers."
Ryan was about to retort his sister’s taunt, but his mother snapped
back, "Sara, if that’s the way you’re going to act, you can go straight
Sara didn’t realize she was in trouble and sure didn’t know why. She
just thought she was telling the truth. "Wha..t?"
"You heard me. Off to bed."
Sara couldn’t believe her ears. Her mother was making her go to bed
early and Ryan was the one being a baby. She began to cry and pouted her
way off to bed. Ryan was about to thank his mother for ridding him of
his troublesome sister when she turned to Ryan and said, "You too, off
"Why?" Ryan asked; not knowing exactly what he did to deserve this early
"Because I said so!" The order was in a calm, but strong voice. It was a
clear indication of her growing frustration with the whole situation.
She didn’t know how much more of this she could take. She was trying
desperately to keep everything in perspective and not do anything rash.
Mom just kept thinking to herself, "Just make it to Tuesday."
It was barely 8:30 and Ryan couldn’t remember that last time he went to
bed this early. His usual bedtime was ten o’clock and his mom rarely
used early bedtimes as punishment. Ryan rarely got punished as well; he
tended to listen to adults.
Ryan woke up at eight o’clock the next morning. He slept pretty much
straight through the night and forgot to pee in his Goodnite. Ryan
worried a dry night might cause a setback, but was surprised when he
reached down at this Goodnite. It wasn’t completely soaked, but it was
obvious he had an accident. Ryan knew this was a real accident and
quietly enjoyed his moment.
Monday was another day that Ryan and Sara attended their day camp, while
Brad went to his pre-school. Ryan and Sara went to the same day camp,
although they attended different classes. Brad ‘s pre-school was a
special school that admitted kids who weren’t potty trained. It was a
small school with about ten kids. Only five of them still needed
diapers, but Brad was the oldest.
Instead of just dropping off Ryan and Sara at day camp, like usual, mom
walked in with the kids. She talked to one of the counselors, "Ryan’s
been having some problems lately." It was clear that mom didn’t like
talking about this to anybody, especially a camp counselor who was
probably only twenty years old.
"What? Is he sick?"
"No, this is really embarrassing, but he’s been uh.. .. wetting his
"Oh." That caught the counselor by surprise. "Is there anything we can
"Well, he’s wearing some Goodnites. They’re like Pull Ups, and so
accidents won’t be a problem. He’s got some extra in his bag. Just make
sure he uses the toilet and changes the underpants if they are wet."
Wearing Goodnites around his peers made Ryan feel just a little awkward.
He kept turning around to see if they stuck out anywhere or showed over
his shirt. Nobody said anything all morning, so Ryan gradually grew more
comfortable in his surroundings. In the morning they did some
handicrafts, but then they went outside for some free time. The camp was
just like school, because they got free time every two hours. Free time
was the only time when the kids in different programs interacted, which
meant Sara’s class and Ryan’s class shared the playground.
Sara had told some of her friends about Ryan wetting his pants and
wearing Pull Ups. She told them that he was wearing them right now, so
when her friends came out to the playground they followed Ryan around,
hoping to get a glance at his Goodnites. It soon became obvious that the
girls were following Ryan and one of the girl’s older sister asked, "Why
are you chasing him?"
"He’s wearing Pull Ups and we want to see." The girl excitedly told her
"How do you know that?"
"Sara’s his sister and she told me. She told me he pooped his pants
yesterday and now he has to wear Pull Ups."
The older sister couldn’t believe this information and waited till they
came back to the art projects. She sat at the same table with Ryan and
broke out with, "So Ryan, is it true that you are wearing Pull Ups?"
Ryan tried to deflect the question. He calmly uttered, "No!"
"That’s what you sister told everybody. She said that you pooped your
pants yesterday and now you have to wear Pull Ups."
"Well, she’s lying!" Ryan nearly began to cry as he denied the claims.
"It sounds to me like you’re hiding something."
"I’m not." This was about all Ryan could mouth out and then he asked to
go to the bathroom.
"Why? You can just use your Pull Ups." A voice cried out from the peanut
Ryan had no intention to use the toilet. He had already wet in his
Goodnite several times and it was nearing time to change. He could have
changed it this time, but getting his backpack would have proved he had
Goodnites on. He just walked around the building and calmed his nerves.
Everyone was ready when he came back in the room and they all stared at
him. "What are you staring at?" Ryan shouted.
One of bullies knock down a stack of papers from Ryan’s table. Ryan
reached down to pick it up, which exposed his Goodnites to the entire
Somebody shouted out, "He is wearing Goodnites. I didn’t believe it, but
now. God, what an idiot."
From that moment on Ryan was poison in that class. Nobody would pass him
any art supplies or talk to him. "Babies shouldn’t use this." "We don’t
talk to babies." "They should put you in that pre-school, but you can’t
go. You have to be potty trained.." The taunts stung and Ryan felt
Ryan sat down for lunch and a group of kids told him to move. "We don’t
want to sit with babies. Go over there!" They were pointing to a table
full of kindergartners.
Ryan sat found an empty table and sat down to eat his lunch alone. A
group of bullies came by to tease him. "I’ve got a question. Which is
better? Huggies or Pampers?"
Ryan just looked up at the kid’s and said "Shut up."
"What’s the matter? Baby getting cranky." Ryan was getting really sick
They started to steal Ryan’s food and Ryan said, "Stop!"
"Is baby going to cry?" They started making crying sounds and then one
of the guys picked up Ryan’s carton of milk. Ryan started to wrestle him
for it, but it spilled all over Ryan. "Look, he needs a bottle too."
Ryan felt awful and wondered whether it was worth it. The more he
thought about it, the more he decided that diapers would make everything
better. Maybe wearing diapers would make his mom quit sending Ryan to
this awful day camp, and then he wouldn’t have worry about dealing with
Everyone finally left Ryan alone and he began to eat the remainder of
his lunch. A lone kid sat down next to Ryan and Ryan looked up to see
who it was. It was Scott; one of the smallest kids in the program. Scott
was the shyest kid in the class. He barely said anything and most people
thought he was stupid. Ryan didn’t want to fall so far down the pecking
order that he was being picked on by Scott. "Go away Scott; I want to be
"I’m just eating. I‘ve got as much right to this place as you." Scott
waited a few minutes and then said, "those guy’s are jerks. I hate it
"Yeah. I wish I didn’t have to be here either."
There was a pause in the conversation and then Scott asked, "Why are you
Ryan would have snapped back at him, but it didn’t seem like a taunt. It
sounded like a real question and so Ryan answered. "I’ve been wetting my
pants. My mom said I should wear them in case I have another accident."
"I think it happens to more people than you hear about; people just
don’t like to talk about it." Ryan sensed that Scott had more to say,
but Scott didn’t feel like saying anything else.
The rest of the day camp was less unbearable. Even though everyone else
wouldn’t talk to Ryan, Scott was there to talk to. Ryan felt bad about
all the times that he teased Scott and made Scott cry. Scott was
everyone’s whipping boy and Ryan was no exception. Ryan’s once stole
Scott’s book bag and didn’t give back to him until Scott cried to a
teacher. Now Scott was Ryan’s only friend.
They played games in the afternoon; of course, nobody would pick Ryan
for their team. They waited until everyone else was picked and then
looked at Ryan. The kid who had to pick him said "I don’t want to pick
the baby. You can’t play." Shutting people out of games was against the
rules of the camp and Ryan had to get a counselor help to play soccer.
With the fourth graders, telling the counselor was akin to treason. Only
little kids told the teacher and Ryan’s action put him further down the
Fortunately Ryan was a pretty good goalie and he didn’t have to worry
about the kids passing him the ball. Scott played on the same team as
Ryan and played defense. That gave the two of them time to talk to each
other about what they liked to do.
Ryan’s mother picked them up at four o’clock. Ryan’s was on his last
pair of Goodnites and it was wet. He hadn’t used the toilet all day and
constantly dribbled urine into his Goodnites. When Ryan got into the car
his mom asked, "How was your day?"
"Lousy, Sara told everyone that I had Pull Ups and they teased me all
Mom never reacted to tattle-tales and just asked Sara, "Is that true?"
"No, I didn’t tell anybody." Sara knew she would be in trouble for
telling her friends, so she lied to her mother.
"Nah, uh. Cindy told me you told everybody. How come all your friends
followed me around during free time?"
"I don’t know. Maybe they saw your baby pants. I didn’t tell anybody."
"Mom, tell Sara she’s in trouble."
"She told everybody."
"I don’t know that. It your word against hers, so I'm staying out of
it." This was his mom’s typical response when it came down to
word-against-word problems. Ryan felt cheated, because in his mind his
mother believed Sara over him. Ryan was still pouting when his mother
asked, "How many of the Goodnites did you need?"
"Three," Ryan meekly answered.
"Three, that’s all that I gave you. Did you go to the bathroom?"
"Yeah, but I kept wetting in my Goodnites. I couldn’t help it."
"Boy, I hope Dr. Hilker will know what’s wrong with you." Just about
that time Ryan’s bowels let loose and he defecated into his soggy
Goodnite. This was primarily on purpose. Ryan knew he was going to poop
and squirmed to help things along. "Did you just poop in those pants?"
his mom asked.
Ryan figured this was it. After all the wetting and pooping he was
finally going to get his diapers. After all, he had just went through
three pairs of Goodnites in one day and hadn’t pooped in the toilet
since Saturday. He prepared for the words after he admitted that he had
just pooped in his pants.
"Oh," was all mom said. Ryan spent the rest of the ride home wondering
what it meant. Would she take him up to Brad’s room and put one of
Brad’s diapers on right after they got home. That’s what Ryan wanted to
happen, and the closer he got to home, the more excited he got.
Sara exaggerated the intensity of the smell by opening the window and
waving her arm furiously in front of her nose. "Mom, can’t you change
him right here?"
"Sara!" The words were quiet, but firm.
"Well, can’t I at least walk. It really stinks back here."
"It’s not that much further."
They turned up the street that carried them up the hill towards the
house. Ryan sat pleasantly dreaming of what would finally happen upon
their arrival home. Ryan got so excited when they turned to their home
street that he peed his pants, for real. The pee mixed with his feces
and created an even gloopier mess. He couldn’t wait till the car drove
up the driveway and parked.
Finally the car parked and mom opened the van door. Sara jumped out of
the car, exhaling as though she had held her breath for the last twenty
minutes. Mom totally ignored Sara and told Ryan, "Go clean up."
Ryan was somewhat disappointed that she didn’t take his hand and lead
him to Brad’s room, but figured that would come in time. He began to
clean himself in bathroom when mom called, "Do you need my help?"
Surely this would cause mom to diaper him and Ryan happily announced
Mom walked into the bathroom carrying a tub of wipes and a pair of
Goodnites. Ryan could hardly believe she didn’t have a diaper in her
hand. How could this be? What did he have to do to wear diapers? Mom
preceded to help Ryan with his cleanup as though nothing was wrong. The
accident didn’t require Ryan to lie down on the floor, so mom just help
Ryan take off the soiled Goodnites.
Ryan changed into fresh Goodnites wondering whether diapers were ever
going to come. He had done everything possible and still no diapers. He
felt so close yesterday and mom looked so frustrated. Today it was as if
Ryan’s accidents were completely normal. She barely reacted when Ryan
wet his Goodnites again that evening.
Ryan fell asleep wondering whether it was worth it. He had just lost his
friends. His sister thought he was a baby and he had embarrassed himself
in front of his favorite uncle. He still didn’t have any diapers and it
looked like he may never get them.
The next morning Ryan woke up with a soggy Goodnite. Once again, Ryan
couldn’t remember wetting during the night, so he knew this was real
accident. Ryan followed his regular morning chores after waking up. He
threw the wet Goodnites into Brad’s diaper pail and put fresh ones on as
underwear. He came back downstairs to inform his mother of the accident,
which didn’t cause any reaction from his mother.
"Our appointment is at 1:30, so don’t go too far after lunch."
There wasn’t much for Ryan to do in the morning. Ryan kept himself
occupied by playing with his airport that Uncle Bob made for him. Ryan
immersed himself into his play and failed to realize that his bladder
had needs. Without knowing it, Ryan peed into his Goodnites several
times that morning. Ryan’s mother let Ryan and Brad play with their toys
and about eleven o’clock she came in to see if Brad needed a change. Mom
decided that would be a good time for Ryan to use the bathroom, so she
told Ryan, "Honey, go pee-pee in the potty." The babyish talk coming
from his mother wasn’t unusual when Brad was around. They used the
language around Brad to further integrate potty use, but it did make
Ryan feel pleasantly like a small boy.
Ryan got up and the back of his shorts had two banana-shaped wet spots.
The tan shorts did nothing to hid these areas from view and it was
obvious that Ryan’s Goodnites had leaked.
"Ryan honey, let me check those Goodnites before you go." Ryan walked up
to his mother and she placed her hand inside his pants. "Honey these are
drenched. Did you know that you peed?"
"No." Ryan was telling the full truth. He had no recollection of peeing
in his Goodnites, nor that they were so saturated. He had been walking
around in soggy Goodnites so much that it felt almost normal.
Ryan changed into fresh Goodnites, but still needed another change
before going to the doctor's office at one o’clock. Ryan suddenly
realized that he may have passed the point of no return, since he really
had no control of his bladder.
Dr. Hilker had been Ryan’s doctor all of his life. Dr. Hilker was an old
family Doctor, who had been with Ryan’s family for forty years. Dr.
Hilker delivered Ryan Uncle and Aunt, as well as his mom. He had a very
pleasant demeanor and knew everything about the family. He didn’t over
treat his patients with drugs and tests and relied on gut instinct to
catch serious threats to his patients health.
When it was finally Ryan’s turn to see Dr. Hilker he walked with his
mother and sat at the exam table.
"What seems to be the trouble Mary?" Dr. Hilker asked in his calm voice.
"Well, it’s Ryan Doctor. It started Thursday when he wet his bed. On
Friday he started to wet his pants and now it almost as though he can’t
make it to the bathroom. He’s wearing Goodnites now and has already wet
them twice today."
"Any bowel problems?" Dr. Hilker asked with a puzzled look on his face.
"Yeah, twice. Once on Sunday and again yesterday. He only has one bowel
movement a day and both of those were in his pants."
"Were they loose?"
"Well, the one on Sunday was lose, but yesterday was firm."
"Has his wetting accidents been big, or just dribbles?"
"Both, it started out as big, but lately they’ve been both dribbles and
Hearing his mother and doctor talk about his elimination habits was not
the most pleasant feeling for Ryan. The conversation went on as though
Ryan weren’t even in the room and Ryan wanted to go "hello, I’m still
here." Ryan just sat there wondering whether Dr. Hilker would be able to
figure out Ryan’s ruse.
Dr. Hilker turned towards Ryan and said, "let’s check this thing out.
Pull down your pants." Ryan pulled down his pants, revealing his already
damp Goodnites. "I see you’ve wet these as well. Let’s see what kind of
feeling you have below your waist." Dr. Hilker began to tickle Ryan’s
feet, which caused Ryan to move his feet. It also caused him to wet a
little more into the Goodnites.
"You have feeling down there. Did you fall from anything?" Dr. Hilker
asked Ryan a series of questions designed to find out if any fall could
cause Ryan to become incontinent. Finally after about five minutes, Dr.
Hilker turned to Mrs. James and said, "As the tree said to the
lumberjack, I’m stumped."
"What do you mean?"
"I don’t really know what is causing Ryan’s problems. There are lots of
causes of secondary enuresis. It could be physical, but a lot of times
it is psychological. I suggest we track down any psychological causes
first. I think you should visit a psychologist named Christine Scholust,
who works in Burlingame. You could visit a standard child psychologist,
but that might take weeks, or months of treatment. Christine gets right
down to nitty-gritty and we may know something quicker. I’ll make an
appointment for you and call you to let you know when it is."
Ryan didn’t know much about psychology, but knew all the bad kids at
school had to visit the psychologist. Ryan immediately got scared when
Dr. Hilker told him that he was going to have to visit the psychologist.
He wondered if the psychologist would take him away and put him in a
"What do we do until then?" Mrs. James asked Dr. Hilker.
"Try to make this as little of a problem as possible. Take as much
stress away from Ryan as you can and maybe it will disappear on its own."
Mom and Ryan didn’t say much on the way home. Ryan sensed his mother’s
disappointment with the outcome of the doctor's appointment. Mom hoped
that Dr. Hilker would know exactly what was wrong with Ryan and give him
some pill to cure it. She felt silly for believing such a preposterous
assumption and realized this was a much longer term problem than she had
When mom parked the car in the garage she told Ryan, "follow me, we need
to get you changed." Ryan followed his mother as she walked up the
stairs and turned into Brad’s room. "We can’t keep you in Goodnites,
especially with you soiling the Goodnites. I’ve got no other choice but
to keep you in diapers, until we can find out why you’re wetting your
pants. I’m really sorry, but I can’t think of anything else to do." Mom
was almost crying as she began gather up some diapers for Ryan.
Ryan couldn’t contain his smile, but knew he had to hide it from his
mother. If she saw him smiling about this the gig would be up, so he
concentrated really hard. He thought about the his old pet dog, that was
run over a few years earlier. When he thought about the night Rusty was
killed a tear managed to fall from Ryan’s face.
"Oh, don’t cry. It won’t be that bad. You won’t have to worry about
having accidents in front of people. Now lie down on the table."
Ryan had to concentrate really hard on his dog, because the joy of being
diapered virtually overwhelmed his short period of sadness. Mom undid
Ryan’s pants and took them off his legs. She then used some baby wipes
to clean his crotch. Ryan was in heaven. It was even better than he
fantasized. She gently spread some Vaseline to protect his crotch and
liberally powdered his bottom. Ryan loved the pleasant smell and
couldn’t wait for the next step. Mom picked up Ryan’s legs and placed
one of Brad’s diapers under his bottom. It wasn’t the disposable diaper
Ryan dreamed about, but cloth was almost as good. Brad wore cloth around
home and the cloth diapers fit Ryan better anyway. The diaper was soft
and thick. Mom carefully pulled up tight to his belly button and tightly
pulled the Velcro tabs around Ryan’s waist. Then she pulled a pair of
plastic pants over the diapers and helped Ryan into some sweat pants to
cover his diaper.
The whole concoction was thick and cause Ryan to waddle down stairs. It
was also obvious from the bulk that Ryan had diapers underneath. Ryan
made sure to stop in front of the mirror and admired his success in the
mirror. It looked gorgeous with the thick diapers underneath the sweat
pants. Ryan’s butt swelled to twice its original size.
Ryan’s diapers were thick enough that he could not walk without
waddling. It was quite obvious from the padding around his sweat suit
that Ryan was diapered, and he wondered what Sara would say when she got
Sara and Brad were at Joyce’s house while Ryan and his mother went to
the doctor. Ryan knew it wouldn’t be much longer until his younger
sister came home, and prepared himself for the barrage that was about to
He really had nothing to do for the rest of the afternoon, since he
wasn’t going to go outside in the thick diapers. He waddled down to the
family room and watched some television while his mother called the
Wilkerson’s to let Joyce know they were back.
Five minutes later Sara walked into the family room with Brad and Joyce.
Sara walked straight to the couch and immediately saw the thick padding
around Ryan’s waist.
"Are you wearing diapers?" Sara asked in a demeaning tone.
Ryan was certainly not going to admit to his sister that he had a diaper
on, and retorted with a quick "NO."
"I think you’re lying." Sara quickly jumped towards Ryan, and pulled
both the sweat pants and diaper cover from him. "I knew it. You need
baby pants like Brad. I think you should move to Brad’s room, so all
babies can sleep in the same room." Ryan was watching X-Men, which Sara
didn’t like. She picked up the remote control and said, "Babies
shouldn’t watch this." Sara changed the channel to Pepper Ann, which was
her favorite cartoon.
Sara would have continued harassing Ryan, but Joyce finally interceded.
"Sara! Don’t tease your brother; you should help him instead." The
thought of having to help her brother become potty trained brought Sara
even more superiority over her older brother. After admonishing Sara,
Joyce turned back towards Ryan. "What happened at the doctor?"
"Nothing. The doctor didn’t know what was wrong with me, and mom decided
that I need diapers after we got home." Despite the adult tone of the
conversation, Ryan felt like a small child being asked simple questions.
"Where’s your mom?" Joyce asked without really responding to Ryan’s
"She upstairs in her office." Joyce went to Mrs. James office, leaving
Ryan to fend for himself from Sara’s taunts.
As Joyce walked into the den she mentioned in a very sympathetic tone,
"Look’s like the doctor’s visit didn’t go as well as you hoped."
"No, it really didn’t. Dr. Hilker doesn’t really know what could be
causing it. We made an appointment with a child psychologist on Friday,
and he said she is pretty good at finding out if this is psychological.
I just couldn’t bear another three days of wet clothes, so I decided to
keep him in diapers until then."
"Yeah, I saw. I had to tell Sara to stop teasing Ryan. How’s Ryan taking
"All right I guess. He cried a little when I first told him, but almost
seemed to enjoy it when I actually put the diaper on him. Boy, I never
imagined having a ten year old in diapers!" Mrs. James was sighing with
as she talked to Joyce.
"So how should I handle this when I watch the kids?" Joyce wondered
whether this meant that she should treat Ryan like Brad.
"I guess we should just act like it is normal. Change him when he needs
it, and otherwise everything else should stay the same." Mom paused a
second, and then asked, "Speaking of which, can you watch Ryan on
Thursday? I don’t want to send him to camp in diapers."
"Oh, that shouldn’t be a problem. Good luck." Joyce gave Mrs. James a
sympathetic hug, and went back to her house.
Meanwhile in the family room a change in pecking order was taking place.
The family room had a couch, and three other chairs. One of the chairs
was a large black Lazy Boy recliner. Ryan almost always sat in the
recliner, and kept control of the remote. As long as Ryan didn’t change
channels with reckless abandon, his mother let him hold the remote. Sara
only sat in the chair when she got there before Ryan, but when she saw
her brother wearing diapers she made her power play.
"Babies don’t get the big chair. They can sit on the little chairs, or
floor. Get out!" This was an order that Ryan had given to Sara many
times previously, but this time it was Sara giving the order.
"I was sitting here first, and I don’t have to move. Mom always says
that the first person in the big chair gets it." Fights like this were
not uncommon in the James household. Often Ryan would tell his sister to
get out, and if she didn’t he would pull her out. Most of the time it
resulted in the two fighting, and mom would ban both from the chair.
"Babies sit on the floor, like Brad." Brad was happily watching the
cartoon on the floor, totally oblivious to power play that was happening
in front of him.
"No, make me!" Ryan knew Sara couldn’t get him out of the chair with her
mother’s help, and the chair was rightfully his to begin with.
"If you don’t get out I’m telling everybody that you have to wear
diapers, and that you still pee your pants."
"I’ll just tell mom that you told everyone."
"Doesn’t matter. Everyone will still know, and you will still be a baby.
Get out of the chair, or I’m going to call Jenny right now." Jenny was
one of Sara’s best friends, and she had a brother who was in Ryan’s
class. Even though people in Ryan’s day camp knew he had worn Goodnites,
there wasn't anyone at the camp who went to his school. Sara grabbed the
phone and began to dial it. She would let him know when she hit each
number, as if she was counting to get him out of the chair. Sara got as
far as the sixth number when Ryan reluctantly got out to the chair, and
gave it up to his sister. Sara had won the power struggle, and was not
the ‘alpha’ child in the family.
Ryan sat next to Brad on the floor, and watched the cartoons that Sara
wanted to watch. They were all ‘girl’ cartoons, but Ryan really had
nothing else to do. A short while after watching cartoons Ryan’s bowels
began to work, and almost without warning Ryan indoctrinated his diaper.
He put a pretty good mess into the diaper, and the stench soon rafted up
into Sara’s nose.
"One of you two is poopy. Who is it?" Sara acted like she was totally in
charge of her two ‘baby’ brothers, and wanted to know who needed a
change. There was no answer. Brad was wet, but knew he hadn’t pooped.
Ryan wasn’t going to tell his sister that he just messed his diaper, and
give her the satisfaction of telling mom. He wanted to quietly wait
until his mother came down to check on them.
"If you don’t tell me I’m going to have to check you diapers. Brad; did
you go poopy?"
"No," Brad responded.
Sara didn’t bother to ask Ryan. She just got out of the chair and walked
behind Ryan. Ryan squirmed, but Sara said, "Calm down. I need to check
your diaper." Ryan kept moving around trying to prevent Sara from
getting a good look at the mess that settled into his diaper, but Sara
eventually got behind him, and pull the back. She looked into his soiled
diaper, and immediately yelled at the top of her voice:
"MOMMY, RYAN WENT POO POO IN HIS DIAPER. HE IS STINKY AND NEEDS HIS
DIAPER CHANGED!!!!!!" The shout was so loud that if they lived in an
apartment, the whole complex would have heard. However, fortunately,
only neighbors outside could have heard the shout.
Ryan expected his mother to get upset at Sara, but mom wasn’t the least
bit upset. In fact she was actually grateful that her daughter let her
know Ryan needed a change.
Mom came walking down carry a load of diapers and a diaper bag that she
used around the house. The diaper bag contained all the extra supplies
that she used to change Brad’s diapers, including a change pad and baby
powder. Mom walked past Sara and said, "Thank you honey." She laid out
the change pad, and asked Ryan to come over to the pad.
"You aren’t going to change me here?" Ryan asked.
"Why? This is where I change Brad, and this way you don’t have to walk
around in dirty diapers. Sometimes they leak, and I don’t want you leak
on the floor. Everyone already knows."
Ryan wasn’t in a mood to argue with his mom, and walked over to accept
his diaper change. Mom once again acted like this was the most normal
thing in the world. She didn’t make any derogatory comments, or say
anything about the mess in his diaper. It seemed like a millennium while
mom carefully cleaned all the poop from Ryan’s bottom. Sara watched the
proceeding with great glee, wishing she could change the diaper herself.
Finally Ryan’s mom put his legs down, and pulled the Velcro tabs to
connect the thick cloth diaper he was wearing. Ryan thoroughly enjoyed
the service he got from his mother, and could hardly wait until the next
time that his diapers would need to be changed.
The rest of the day went by without a lot of incidents. Ryan and Brad
played together for most of the rest of the afternoon. Brad thought it
was cool that his older brother now needed diapers just like him, and
was perfectly fine that he didn’t get as much attention from his mother
as before. Ryan had rarely spent much time actually playing with Brad,
other than the usually older brother routine. This was actually closer
to two friends playing, and Ryan really enjoyed playing with Brad’s
toys. Brad would show Ryan how to use the play tools that they had, and
they built a bridge with the blocks.
Ryan had his diapers changed twice more before bedtime. Ryan had
thoroughly soaked a diaper just before dinner, and wet once more before
it was time for his bath. He also had another time in which he went
through the diaper change, because his mother took the diaper off right
before he went to bed. Ryan wasn’t wet, but his mother wanted him to use
the bathroom before bed. She undid his diaper, and Ryan went to the
toilet to do his business. He only peed a tiny bit, and then was
re-diapered. The whole night Ryan wondered whether his diapers would
mean an earlier bedtime, but he went to bed at the regular ten o’clock.
Ryan slept beautifully that night. He could hardly believe his luck. The
thick cloth diaper felt so nice between his legs, and he dreamed of what
the rest of his summer had in store. He had no intention of ever giving
up his diapers, even if it meant not having any more friends for the
rest of his life.
Ryan’s mom came in to check on her son about eight o’clock on Wednesday
morning. She had no real hope that the diaper may be dry, but a girl
could dream. She prayed that maybe Ryan’s diaper would be dry, and she
would not have to put a diaper on him for the day.
She walked in and gently touched her son. "How are you doing?"
Ryan was nearly awake anyway, and quickly responded to his mother’s
question. "I’m fine."
"Did you need the diaper last night? If it is dry I promise that you
wont’ have to wear a diaper today."
Ryan could feel that he drenched his diaper. He couldn’t remember
actually using it during the night, but there was no question that he
used it. The diaper was soaked completely, and weighed nearly three
times the original weight. He also wanted his mother to believe that he
really couldn’t tell that he was wet, so answered with a very meek "I
Ryan’s mom was a little disappointed about her son not even being able
to tell whether his diaper was even wet. She questioned how that could
possibly be true, but held her tongue. "Well let’s see." Mom had a real
calm and gentle voice, that completely hid her frustration.
When she pulled the sheets from Ryan’s bed she could tell that he had
not only wet the diaper, but he obviously soaked it several times during
the night. "My god Ryan! You really wet this diaper. You really couldn’t
"Well, I could a little, but I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t think
it was that bad."
"I bet a fresh diaper would feel nice. Get up and lie on the floor."
Ryan lifted himself out of bed, and stood up. The diaper almost fell
down when he stood up, but he only needed to stand for just a second.
His mom had a change pad on the floor next to his bed, and he lay down
directly on the pad. Once again Ryan was completely in his mom’s power.
She held his legs up in the air, and used wipes to clean Ryan’s crotch.
Ryan loved the attention from his mother, and even felt fuzzy while
changing her son’s diaper. She felt a little guilty because she actually
enjoyed changing Ryan’s diapers. True, it was a lot of work. Having two
kids in diapers was never easy, but mom really enjoyed giving her
children the attention. The kids were the only thing in her life, and
they wouldn’t need as much once they were potty trained. As strange as
it sounded, Ryan going back to diapers made her feel warm and fuzzy.
The fresh dry diapers really did feel nice against Ryan’s legs. Just
before walking downstairs for breakfast mom told Ryan, "If you have to
go potty just tell me, and I’ll take them off. I don’t want you just to
use the diaper because you have it on."
"OK mommy." Ryan had no intention of ever using the bathroom, and knew
that he would need a change in just a few hours. As it stood now he
wasn’t even sure if he could tell mom before he peed. He almost peed
automatically, and could only tell just as the pee was actually coming
out. Even if he told her that he needed to go potty, he would wet the
diaper before she could take it off.
"Did the baby wet his diaper last night?" Sara asked Ryan when he
walked. Ryan totally ignored Sara’s taunts, even when she told him that
he should let her fix his bowl of cereals. "Babies aren’t big enough to
fix cereal, let me do it."
Mom had chosen to ignore Sara’s initial taunts. She was tired of
constantly reminding Sara not to tease Ryan. She let it go for a few
minutes, but then calmly said, "Sara, do you want to go to time out?"
"Then cool it." The words cooled the taunts, and Ryan went on with his
"Ryan, how do you think we should handle Chad?"
Chad was Ryan’s best friend for as long as he could remember. Mrs. James
and Chad’s mother had been friends since college, and had been with each
other through two divorces. The two families stuck together, and we
almost like cousins. Chad’s older sister Alexis was thirteen, and the
first baby Mrs. James ever dealt with. Chad was just about a year
younger than Ryan, and the two were totally inseparable when they were
together. The didn’t get together as much as they liked, since Chad went
to do a different school than Ryan. They only got to play with each
other about one weekend a month, but always enjoyed each other's company.
Ryan wasn’t really ready to wears diapers in front of his best friend.
He hadn’t really thought about friends when he came up with the idea. He
just wanted to go back to diapers, and dealing with peers never crossed
his mind. He really didn’t have many friends to deal with in the first
place, and completely forgot about Chad coming over. Chad had been gone
for three weeks, and Ryan hadn’t seen him since the middle of May. Ryan
wondered how the Chad would handle seeing his best friend in diapers.
After contemplating the issue for a while, mom said, "I guess he is just
going to have to find out, after all you really do need them."
Even though Ryan had sweat pants over his diapers, there was no question
that he had diapers underneath the pants. His bottom swelled out, and
clearly shown the diapers underneath. Chad would surely realize
something was wrong, especially if Ryan had a messy diaper. Ryan wished
he had the Pampers Kids diapers, which he at least could hide underneath
Chad came in about 9:30, and walked directly to the family room where
Ryan was playing with Brad. It was hard to tell that Ryan had diapers on
when he sat on the floor, and Chad could not tell anything when he saw
Ryan playing on the floor.. Chad looked as his friends, and asked,
Ryan was relieved that Chad didn’t say anything about his diapers. He
wasn’t sure whether Chad noticed them and chose not to say anything, or
just couldn’t tell that he had a diaper on. Ryan was also glad that Sara
was upstairs in her room, because Sara definitely would have told Chad
about his diapers. "I’m just playing with my planes with Brad. Do you
want to play with them for a while?"
Chad sat down next to the other two and proceeded to play with Ryan’s
airplane set. It wasn’t really Chad’s thing, but it beat doing nothing.
Ryan asked about the trip to New York that Chad just got back from, and
they talked about going to the Statue of Liberty.
The boy’s played with the various toys that were scattered about the
living room. Ryan managed to keep himself seated, and not stand up. That
kept his diapered bottom hidden from Chad’s view. About an hour after
arriving to the home Chad announced "Let’s go outside and play."
Ryan was a little apprehensive; but Brad quickly said, "Yeah, let’s go
Ryan had no choice but to follow, and when he did it became apparent
that he had a diaper on. The thick diaper extended his back side, and
the plastic pants extended over Ryan’s shorts. Chad could hardly believe
his eyes. There stood his best friend of his entire life. A guy whom he
had known since he was a baby, and he was wearing a diaper. Chad stood
speechless for just a second, and then stumbled with the words
"Are------ you- ah-- wearing a ---- DIAPER?"
The pause seemed to last an eternity. Ryan had no idea what to say, and
wondered whether he had just lost the only friend he really cared about.
He knew Chad would find out eventually, but the moment of truth had just
come about. Finally, after what seemed to be an hour, Ryan responded
with a nearly silent, "Uh huh."
Ryan thought about telling Chad the truth. After all, Chad had been his
best friend through everything. The two shared everything, and always
told each other secrets. The two relied on each other to check what was
cool, and how to deal with bullies. Ryan wondered if he could tell Chad
the real reason that he went back to diapers, but decided to give him an
acceptable answer. "I started peeing my pants, and wetting my bed. My
mom put me back in diapers yesterday, but just until I get better."
Chad remained in a state of shock, but accepted his friend's
explanation. He knew he should say something more, but didn’t know what
it could be. For the next fifteen seconds Chad and Ryan just looked at
each other, and then Chad finally broke the silence. "That’s too bad."
"It’s not that bad. I’ve only worn them at home, and it beats having
accidents. Nobody else knows, except for my family and Joyce. Are we
still going to be friends?"
Chad couldn’t believe the question. How could he withdraw from a
friendship for something as stupid as this? Of course they would remain
friends. Chad looked at Ryan and said, "What do you take me for? I’m not
Mom ran an errand in the morning, so Joyce came over to watch the kids
while she was gone. Joyce didn’t want to admit this, but she looked
forward to changing Ryan’s diaper. She was eager to see what it would be
like, and so she checked on the boys right after mom left. She knew that
Brad would likely need a change, and figured that Ryan probably needed a
change as well.
Joyce picked up Brad and said, "Looks like you need a new diaper. You’re
all wet." Joyce and Brad went back inside, and about five minutes the
two came out. Joyce called Ryan over, and asked, "Does Chad know that
you’re wearing a diaper?"
"Yeah, he found out this morning."
"Is he all right with it?"
"Yeah, he said we are still friends."
"Do you need to go potty?"
"No, but I----"
"Are you wet? Do you need your diaper changed?"
"Yeah. Can you change my diaper?" Ryan could hardly believe that he just
asked Joyce to change his diaper. Ryan and Joyce walked back inside, and
Brad and Chad stayed out in the yard.
Before the could get inside, Chad had to ask, "Are you getting your
"Yeah, but I’ll be out in a minute."
Joyce’s changed Ryan’s diaper with the same care, and gentleness that
his mom did. Joyce smiled the whole time that she was pinning Ryan’s
diaper on him, which helped the two feel comfortable with the situation.
Ryan wet his diaper again just before lunch. They were about to eat
lunch, so Ryan didn’t tell his mom anything about it. He ate his in
lunch in the wet diaper, but it was thick enough that the wetness really
wasn’t uncomfortable. Mom decided to take the kids to mall for the
afternoon. Four kids hanging around the house with nothing to do is an
accident waiting to happen.
After the kids finished their lunch, mom announced her plans for the
afternoon. "We are going to Stoneridge Mall, and then to the movie
theater this afternoon." She turned to her two boys and said, "I need to
get you two in fresh diapers. Come on let’s go."
Ryan and Brad followed their mother up to Brad’s room. Even though Brad
was four years old, his room really didn’t look much like he was four.
It was closer to a nursery. Brad still slept in a crib, mainly because
he kept falling out of the bed when he tried to switch. Mom also wanted
to use a cool bed as incentive to become potty trained. That meant Brad
had to use the potty for an entire week before getting a bed like
Ryan’s. The decor of the room still had Sesame Street characters on it,
because mom hadn’t gotten around to changing it. In another corner of
the room was a table that served as a changing table. It easily fit
Brad, and was definitely strong enough to hold Ryan. Underneath the
changing table was the stack of diapers, and changing supplies. People
who saw Brad’s room thought it was a baby's room.
Walking in Brad’s room always made Ryan feel funny. He liked the way his
room was set up, because it had all the cool things that a boy’s room
should have. He had a cool bed, and a lot of his toys around the room.
It had clouds all through the room, and he could pretend to be a pilot.
Brad’s room was different, because it was clearly for a toddler. Ryan
used to walk in Brad’s room just to pretend he was still a baby. He
always wanted to play in his room, but secretly wished that he could
switch rooms with Brad.
Mom changed Brad’s diaper first. Brad was still dry, which caused a lot
of praise from his mother. Staying dry for such a long time was a good
sign that Brad was getting ready for potty training. Mom took Brad into
the bathroom across the hall, but Brad couldn’t pee in the toilet. She
put one of his Size Six Huggies on him, and then help Brad into his
clothes for the afternoon.
After Brad, it was Ryan’s turn. Mom had to lift Ryan up to the table,
and then he lay back so mom could get to his shorts. She undid his
shorts, and pulled down the plastic pants protecting the diaper. Ryan’s
diaper was wet, and mom asked, "When did you wet your diaper?"
"Just before lunch."
"Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t want you to get a rash."
"I wanted to wait until after lunch."
"Well, I want you tell me when you need to be changed. I don’t want you
to walk around in wet diapers. Do you want me to start checking your
The truth was YES, but Ryan knew better than to say this to his mother.
He responded with the mournful, "No."
"Ok then. I bought some different diapers at the store this morning.
They are Pampers for big kids, and that’s you can wear when we are out
of the house."
Ryan lifted up his head, and saw the beautiful bright package. The top
had the words: Pampers Kids. There was a picture of a child who looked
to be about six wearing bib overalls. There were no diapers, but the
indication was clear that they were under his overalls.. Underneath the
picture there was the motto: Discreet Protection for Older Children. He
finally made it. He was finally going to get his diapers. The same
diapers he wanted a week ago were finally going to be his.
Mom cleaned Ryan’s diaper area, and then put the Vaseline around Ryan’s
crotch. She generously powdered Ryan’s bottom, and then placed the
wonderful plastic diaper underneath. She pulled the diaper up to Ryan’s
belly button, and then pulled the tabs on to the diaper. Unlike the
smaller size diapers, these had two tabs. The tabs held the diaper much
tighter than she could ever get with just one. The diapers were a lot
more secure, and had more padding in than Brad’s diapers. There were
thin enough that Ryan could wear his normal shorts, but there was
clearly a bulge in the front. The was thinner padding around the back,
which kept the diapers from bulging out from behind.
Mom helped Ryan into his shorts, and then helped Ryan put a T-shirt on.
Ryan loved the feeling of the wonderful diapers. The diapers crinkled
with every step, although his shorts help muffle the sound. The crinkle
was noticeable, but only to those in close proximity. The diapers had
thicker padding up in the front, and in the middle. The padding caused
the front of Ryan’s shorts to bulge out, but this was only noticeable if
someone was specifically looking for it. The padding up the middle
prevented Ryan from keeping his legs at normal width, and there was a
slight waddle in his steps. It was little awkward, but he slowly got
used to his new walk.
Ryan thoroughly enjoyed his afternoon at the movies. Wearing the
disposable diapers was even better than Ryan had imagined. Every step
created the wonderful crinkle that Ryan loved so much. He couldn’t
believe he was actually wearing diapers and wondered who else could tell.
Ryan kept looking around and was sure everyone around him could tell
that he had a diaper on. In reality no one seemed to notice. They acted
just like he was a normal kid. They spent only about thirty minutes at
the mall. Ryan’s mom had to run to Sears to buy something and then they
spent a few minutes at the toy store. The whole time Ryan kept watching
people to see if anyone was staring at him. He didn’t see anyone
staring, but a he did see two kids who looked to be about five years
old. They were both boys and just above their waistband was the top of a
disposable diaper. Seeing older kids in diapers always made Ryan feel
Sara, of course, tried her best to point out Ryan’s diapers. She would
walk by Ryan and say, "Your diaper is crinkling." About three times
during the first half hour Sara asked Ryan if had wet his diaper yet,
but Ryan was still dry.
Both Ryan and Brad needed changes right before the movie started. The
movie theater they went to was one of these huge theater complexes. It
even had an IMAX screen, which was one of Ryan’s favorite places to
watch a movie. One of the special conveniences this movie theater had
was a bathroom specifically for families, which was perfect for Ryan and
Brad. Both Ryan and Brad were wet once they entered the movie theater
and so their mom took them to the family bathroom. Mom also wanted Chad
and Sara to follow her to the bathroom, since she couldn’t keep an eye
on them from outside. Sara didn’t mind coming with her mother, but Chad
felt like a baby. He thought he was old enough to wait outside, but Mrs.
James made him come into the bathroom with her.
Fortunately the bathroom was empty when they first got in. Mrs. James
changed Ryan’s diaper first and right in the middle of his change a lady
walked in with her little girl. The two women changed their childrens’
diapers right next to each other and the lady kept staring at Ryan. Ryan
saw the women shake her head when his mom finally finished getting his
diaper on. When mom started changing Brad’s diaper, the women muttered,
under her breath, "Another one, that’s not going to happen to me."
Mrs. James ignored the lady's rudeness. She was used to the constant
stares, especially since Brad was so late in potty training. She felt a
little awkward changing Ryan in front of people, but giving the
circumstances she didn’t really have any alternative. The lady left the
changing table and said to herself, "Imagine, a boy that age wearing
diapers." She looked at Chad sitting quietly on the bench and said, "I
bet that boy is in diapers as well." Mrs. James really had to hold back
and wanted desperately to give her opinion of the obnoxious lady.
Chad definitely heard the lady's comments and almost said something like
"I’m wearing underwear, see."
Mrs. James noticed Chad’s face when the lady left and told Chad "Chad,
I’m sorry you had to hear that. Sometimes people are just rude and she
They didn’t have any problems during the movie, although Mrs. James did
see the rude lady with her child in the movie theater. She felt like
walking right in front of her and putting Ryan’s diaper bag directly in
front of the lady. She wanted to tell the lady, "Yeah, my kid wears
diapers. What are you going to do about?" Instead, Mrs. James just bit
her tongue and found seats on the other side of the theater.
Ryan thought wearing diapers to the movie was great! It was a new Disney
animated movie and Ryan didn’t think he was going to like it. After all
he was ten years old and too old for those baby movies. Ryan liked older
kid movies with live action, but this one was pretty good. Halfway
through it he was in it and didn’t want to leave. Fortunately, he didn’t
have to get up to go to the bathroom like Chad. Right in the middle of
the movie Chad had to go to the bathroom, but Ryan could stay and use
his diaper. At the end of the movie Ryan’s diaper was wet, but it could
wait till he got home for a change.
Ryan ended up pooping in his diaper on the ride home. It was right
around four o’clock, which was the time that Ryan usually pooped anyway.
He already lost complete control of his bladder and bowel control wasn’t
very good anymore. He remembered the first time he pooped his pants and
how much he had to strain. This time Ryan realized that he needed to
poop and BANG! He went in his diaper. Sara right away noticed and said,
"Mom, Ryan just went stinky in his diaper."
Mom put Ryan and Brad back in cloth diapers when they got home. It was
late in the afternoon and so the boy’s watched some TV while they waited
for Chad’s mom to come by and pick him up.
Chad didn’t really talk much about anything after the movie. He wasn’t
really sure about his best friend suddenly going back to diapers. It was
a little drastic and he didn’t know what to think about it. In a lot of
ways he felt like Ryan was going back to being a baby and playing with
him was just like playing with Brad. Chad knew it wouldn’t be right to
stop playing with Ryan just because Ryan needed diapers, but wasn’t sure
he liked the idea. Another deeper reason was causing Chad to feel
uncomfortable about Ryan wearing diapers. Chad didn’t know why, but for
some reason he was curious about the diapers. He wanted to know what
wearing a diaper was like and kind of wished that he was in diapers at
the movie theater. When Chad realized that he was jealous of Ryan’s
diapers he felt guilty, since big kids weren’t supposed to wear diapers.
Chad wasn’t used to these feelings and didn’t know how to handle them.
When it was time to leave, Chad gave his friend an uneasy ‘Goodbye.’
Chad’s awkward departure caused Ryan to feel a little anxious. He
wondered if he had lost his only friend and whether he could make some
new ones, especially as he continued to wear diapers, which he intended
to do. His anxiety was quelled later that evening when his mother
changed his diaper before dinner. Diaper changes were becoming one of
the greatest points of the day, since Ryan felt total security. His mom
changed his diaper with such care that Ryan felt totally accepted and he
loved the one-on-one attention he received when he was on floor getting
a fresh diaper. The reward was the fresh diaper, which is the greatest
feeling that anybody can have.
Ryan noticed his behavior becoming slightly more infantile as time went
on. The waddling and baby powder made him feel like a little kid and he
started playing with toys that he had long since put away. He quit
playing with the little planes that he usually loved to use. Instead he
started to play with the Fisher Price Airplane, which were for real
little kids. He spilled his drink at the dinner table, which caused Sara
to say, "I think you should use a bottle." The real sign was when he
started to suck on his thumb again. It wasn’t anything Ryan could
control; it just happened. Anytime Ryan felt a little nervous, or tired;
he would put his thumb firmly in his mouth. A few times that afternoon
his mom had to tell Ryan to take his thumb out of his mouth and that
evening Ryan used the thumb to help him sleep.
Ordinarily Ryan would go to day camp on Thursday’s, but his mom didn’t
want Ryan in day camp while wearing diapers. He spent the entire day
with Joyce. Joyce picked up on Ryan’s childish behavior and treated him
accordingly. She cut his lunch into bite-sized pieces and waited on him
hand and foot. Joyce usually let Ryan play alone when she watched him
and only checked on him occasionally. As long as Ryan told her what he
was going to do, it was fine. This time Joyce seemed to keep a constant
eye on him and asked where he was going every time he tried to leave.
She took Ryan to the store with her and her friend Jessica. Jessica
happened to walk in while Joyce was changing Ryan’s diaper. She looked
at the boy lying on the floor and couldn’t believe her eyes. She barely
knew Ryan, but was pretty that he was ten. She had never heard of a kid
that old needing diapers, especially during the day. "I thought you said
"He is." Joyce decided to introduce the two. "Ryan, this is my friend
Jessica. Jessica, this is Ryan."
"He’s wearing diapers."
"Well, Ryan’s been having a little problem making it to the toilet. The
doctors don’t know what’s wrong, but in the meantime he has to wear
diapers. That’s why I’m watching him today, because he can’t go to his
"Do you mind wearing diapers?" Jessica was really curious to see how a
boy that old could seem to enjoy having his diaper changed.
"Well, it beats wetting my pants. Besides, I hate that stupid day camp."
Joyce really liked taking care of Ryan this way. She tried her best to
treat him normally, but kept finding herself treating Ryan like a little
kid. She really wanted to take Ryan up to her lap and let him sit there,
but decided that Ryan wouldn’t like that. She really enjoyed changing
Ryan’s diaper, which is something that surprised her. When she first
heard that Ryan was going back to diapers she thought she dreaded having
to change his diapers, but she found herself curious. Once she did
change him, she was hooked. Joyce seemed to change Ryan’s diaper at the
slightest hint of wetness, which caused Ryan to have his diaper changed
about ten times that day.
Joyce loved to tease Ryan, especially now that he was in diapers. Ryan
tagged along as Joyce and Jessica went shopping. It seemed like they
went into every single clothing store in the area. Twice they even had
to take Ryan into the ladies restroom to change his diaper. Fortunately,
both times it was empty and they could change Ryan’s diaper in privacy.
At one shop Ryan started to drag his feet, since he had no intention of
going into another clothing store. Joyce saw one of those rental
strollers and said, "Maybe we should get one those for you."
Ryan laughed and said, "Ha ha, very funny." Ryan knew Joyce was joking
when she said that, but somehow Ryan hoped she was serious. He didn’t
understand what was happening. When he came up with his plan, he just
wanted to go back to diapers. He realized that childish treatment may
come with the territory, but that wasn’t what he desired. He just wanted
the diapers and be treated like a big kid. Once he got his diapers he
found himself wanting more ‘baby’ things. Ryan saw the stroller and
thought, "I wish I could ride in that."
The afternoon unfortunately came to an end. Ryan looked back on his
afternoon with Joyce and Jessica and thought it was one of the best days
of his life. True, he went into more clothing shops than he knew existed
and they only took him to Toy’s R Us at the very end. He endured a few
good-natured jabs about his diapers and twice had to be escorted into a
women’s bathroom for diaper changes. He also got to hang around two
beautiful, young women for four hours and didn’t feel like an intrusion.
They acted like they enjoyed Ryan’s presence and completed accepted him
and his diapers.
Ryan could hardly sleep that night. He knew that he was going to visit a
psychologist and figured that was bad. He didn’t know much about what
psychologists do, but knew only ‘crazy’ people visit them. The only
psychologist Ryan had ever met was at school and he barely saw her. The
school had a psychologist who sometimes visited a few students, but they
were only the really bad ones. Ryan thought visiting the psychologist
meant that he was a bad person and he was going to become ‘crazy.’
It didn’t help matters that he once got to watch "One Flew Over the
Cuckoo’s Nest." It was on HBO one evening and his mom was watching it.
Ryan got up and his mom let him watch it with her. She was a little
unsure that it was appropriate, but figured he was old enough. Ryan
really liked the movie, but needed his mom to explain some things. At
the time he didn’t think much about it, but now the thought of shock
therapy really scared him. Ryan wondered whether the therapist was going
to put him in shock therapy, or even worse, give him a lobotomy.
His mom did a pretty good job controlling Ryan’s fears. She accepted
them as real and didn’t laugh at him. She told him they don’t do stuff
like that anymore and she won’t let anybody hurt him. She will be there
the whole time, so there is nothing to worry about it. The doctor is
going to hypnotize him and then ask him some questions. That made Ryan
feel a little better, but it also confused him. Hypnotism is something
he had seen on TV and thought it was for freaks. He didn’t know that
doctors use it and didn’t understand how a doctor could ask him
questions while he was hypnotized. He had no idea what was going to
happen on Friday and wondered if he was even going to come home again.
Ryan’s appointment was at eleven o’clock Friday morning. He woke up his
usual time, at eight. Ryan was so nervous about the appointment that he
barely ate anything for breakfast and just sat quietly watching TV until
it was time to go to the doctor's office.
Dr. Christine Scholust’s office was in Burlingame, which is about
forty-five minutes from Ryan’s home. They left just a little after ten
o’clock and Ryan just sat quietly in his car. It was like a convict
taking his final ride to prison. Ryan had no idea what awaited him at
the doctor's office, but was sure it would be bad.
The James finally made it to Dr. Scholust’s office and Ryan couldn’t
believe that it was a doctor's office. Her office was actually just a
part of her home and was right in a residential street. Ryan’s mom
parked the car next to an unfamiliar home and Ryan asked, "What are we
"This is the doctor’s office?"
"But it’s a house." Ryan couldn’t believe that a doctor could work out
"Dr. Scholust works in her home."
"What do you mean?"
"You know how in Growing Pains Dr. Seaver sees his patients at his
"Yeah?" Ryan still didn’t know where his mom was going with this.
"Well, this is like that. Dr. Scholust sees her patients at her house.
She has a small office attached to her house and that’s where we will
"Does she do the same things that Jason does in Growing Pains?" Ryan
started to feel a little more comfortable about the whole thing.
"Yeah, that’s pretty close to the same thing that Dr. Scholust does."
Ryan felt a lot more comfortable about it now. He liked how Jason Seaver
always seemed to listen to his patients and figured he could handle it.
Of course he had no idea what he would say to Dr. Scholust.
Ryan pretty much knew that Dr. Scholust wasn’t going to hurt him even
before he met her, but all fears vanished as soon as he saw her. Dr.
Scholust had long blond hair and was in her early forties. She had a
very kind face and a voice that put everyone at ease.
Nobody else was with her when the James came in the office and Dr.
Scholust put hand to Ryan’s mom. She said "You must be Mary and this guy
is probably Ryan."
"Yes, thank you." Ryan’s mom was always overly polite when she was
nervous. For some reason, Mrs. James felt a little uncomfortable, like
Dr. Scholust was going to judge her.
"Now, you guys are here because Ryan’s been having some accidents. Is
"Yes, it is. It all started about a week ago and its gotten worse ever
sense. Speaking of which, is there a place that I can change him?"
Ryan’s diaper was getting extremely soaked. He had already wet in it
several times; mainly because he was so nervous.
Dr. Scholust seemed a little confused and asked, "You mean - - -"
Mom interrupted her with, "Yes, he’s in diapers. We tried to deal with
the accidents, but decided diapers would be best. I think he's a little
wet right now and will feel more comfortable if I change him." Mom
paused a bit and then asked, "are diapers the right thing?" She really
wondered whether she was doing the right thing.
"Actually they are more common than you’d think. I probably help fifteen
kids a year with Ryan’s problem and many of them are in diapers. There’s
room beside the couch if you’d like." Dr. Scholust pointed to the couch.
"That’s great, thank you." Mom took Ryan by the hand and Ryan lay down
beside the couch.
Mom began to take Ryan’s shorts off when Dr. Scholust asked, "Would you
like any coffee?" It was mainly a ruse to leave the two in private, but
"Yes, I would. I take it black."
Dr. Scholust looked at Ryan, who was nearly naked on the floor. "Would
you like anything to drink? Milk, or juice?"
"I’ll take some apple juice."
Dr. Scholust left the room and Mrs. James finished diapering Ryan. By
the time Dr. Scholust came back with the drinks, Ryan was almost back in
diapers. He still had a few moments lying on the floor, while his mom
finished taping the sides.
As everyone started with their drinks Dr. Scholust started to talk to
Ryan. This wasn’t part of the treatment; it was just a way to get Ryan
to relax. If Ryan was nervous, he probably would not become hypnotized.
She first asked if he was nervous and then said, "I’m just going to ask
some questions." Then Dr. Scholust started a conversation with Ryan. She
let Ryan tell her about himself and what he liked and disliked.. Ryan
didn’t really understand what she was doing, because it seemed he was
just telling her stupid stuff. Dr. Scholust continued to listen to
virtually everything Ryan told her. Ryan began to wonder when she was
going to take out the watch. He was completely comfortable and wanted to
tell Dr. Scholust that she can take out her watch.
Just as Ryan was about to tell Dr. Scholust that it would be all right
to hypnotize him, she told him to lie down on a mat. Ryan did as he was
told and Dr. Scholust began to talk to him in a monotone voice. It was a
calming voice. She told him to imagine himself on beach.
"Can you picture the beach?"
"Yeah." Ryan answered. He could definitely see the beach; it was like he
was already there.
"The waves are splashing in and out, in and out, in and out." Dr.
Scholust continued to describe Ryan’s vision and then talked about a
golden ball falling across the beach and Ryan keeps chasing the golden
ball. She kept talking, but Ryan couldn’t really remember anything else
Slowly, after what seemed to be an endless series of questions, Dr.
Scholust finally got to the important questions. "Ryan, do you know why
Ryan definitely heard the question and it was like a power was forcing
him to answer. His mouth made the words, but he had no control over what
he said. "Yes. I can’t make it to the bathroom."
"Do you know why you can’t make it to the bathroom?"
The question seemed innocent enough. He really did know the answer, but
never intended to tell anybody. How ever, in this state Ryan had no
control. He answered truthfully. "Yes, because I wanted to." The jaw
dropped from Mrs. James mouth when she heard her son admit to wanting to
pee his pants.
Dr. Scholust was completely undisturbed and quickly responded "Why did
you want to?"
"I wanted to wear diapers." Ryan was just blurting out all these secrets
that he swore he would never tell anybody.
"Why do you want to wear diapers?"
"I like how the feel. They make me feel good."
"Do you feel like a baby?"
"Is it good to feel like a baby?"
"I like it."
Dr. Scholust got the answer she was looking for and knew exactly why
Ryan had started having these accidents. She figured out the entire
story and already knew what to do about it. She brought Ryan back out of
Ryan woke up from the trance with a slight recognition of what he said.
He didn't know whether he was really hypnotized, or he just dreamed the
whole thing. He woke with his mom looking stunned and Dr. Scholust
asking, "Ryan, how do you feel?"
"Ok, I guess." Ryan actually felt really good; he just couldn’t describe
"I’m going to talk to your mommy a few minutes. Why don’t you go outside
and play. There’s some paper you can color with and even some toys."
Ryan left the office and sat next to small table built exclusively for
this purpose. The kids can play at this table while the adults talk
about serious matters.
Mrs. James was completely shocked and had no idea what to do. "I had no
idea that could have caused it. Well, I think I should take away the
diapers. How long will it take to cure him?"
"Mrs. James, I don’t think Ryan needs anymore counseling. This isn’t
that unusual. If I tried to cure him of it, it would take years. Even
after years of consoling I would only manage to contain it."
"What do we do?"
"There’s a few schools of thought. One is to completely take away the
diapers. I know that sounds like the sensible approach, but I don’t
think it will work. Ryan will never cure his desire and will likely
still have accidents. Another is to allow him to use diapers, but he has
control. I think that one has its points, but it really isn’t a cure
either. Ryan will likely continue to use diapers and may even end up
needing them. I favor a complete treatment immersion. Ryan needs to
experience the complete toddler environment and then grow from there.
Keep him in diapers a few months and then potty train him all over
again. Start from the very beginning; with potty seats."
"You mean that he should wear diapers for two months and then completely
potty train him after that. Just like he was three years old."
"Yes, you told me you have another son who is still in diapers?"
"Treat Ryan exactly the same way. Same bedtimes, same sleeping
arrangements. Make them twins. After a few months Ryan will get his fill
of it and be ready to accept being older."
"Does it have to be two months?" Mrs. James had no idea that she would
have her son in diapers for that long.
"Maybe longer. If it is too short, it won’t quench his desire. This is a
little like smoking the carton of cigarettes so you won’t try them
Mrs. James left the office with a greater understanding and believed
that Dr. Scholust was right. It seemed like a good idea, even though it
wasn't her first instinct. The two women shook hands and Dr. Scholust
told Mrs. James, "Call me if you have any problems."
Ryan couldn’t really tell whether his mom was mad at him when they left
Dr. Scholust office. She didn’t say anything while they walked to the
car, but she didn’t have her angry face on either. Ryan knew there was a
plan, but it had no idea what it was.
About ten minutes into the ride home mom asked, "Are you hungry?"
Ryan was starved, because he really didn’t eat any breakfast. It was
already 12:30 and he hadn’t eaten much all day. "Yeah."
"There’s a McDonald’s at this exit, let’s go there."
They went to the McDonald’s and Mrs. James placed the orders. Ryan was
right in between eating Happy Meals and ordering Quarter Pounders. This
time he felt like a Happy Meal. As the two began to eat their lunch, mom
broke the silence about the meeting. "Do you know what you said today?"
Ryan had figured out everything he said under hypnosis was for real. He
fully realized that his mom knew why he started to wet his pants and
figured his day’s in diapers were coming to an end. He almost answered
truthfully, but decided to respond, "Not really."
Mom didn’t seem upset; she almost was relieved. Ryan didn’t have some
strange disease; it was something that was unusual, but not life
threatening. She figured even if she had to treat her son as a baby for
the rest of his life it was better than losing him. She calmly told
Ryan, "You said that you wanted to wet your pants so that you could get
"Am I in trouble?" Ryan wondered what his punishment could be.
"No honey, you’re not in trouble. I’m not even mad at you, but Dr.
Scholust thinks you may need some help."
"You mean more treatments?" Ryan didn’t mind the idea of going to see
her again, especially if it meant he could stay in diapers.
"No. She said that I should keep you diapers for a few months and then
potty train you."
"What does that mean?" Ryan really wondered what was going to happen now.
"It means that you are going to stay in diapers until August. I’m going
to try an potty train Brad in August and I’ll do you at the same time.
Until then, you and Brad are going to be like twins. You will sleep in
the same bedroom, take naps and have the same bedtimes."
"Do I have to sleep in a crib?"
"Yeah, I’m going to have Uncle Bob make you crib."
Ryan couldn’t help wondering what his new life was going to be like. It
was a really quiet ride from McDonald’s to Ryan’s house. Ryan wondered
how soon he would begin his life as a toddler and how much it would
When Ryan walked out of the car once he got to his house, his mom said,
"I’m going to have to get you a car seat." The comment signified the
beginning of Ryan’s new life, but Ryan barely paid any attention to it.
He pretty quickly realized how much his life was about to change.
His mom took Ryan’s hand and said, "Let’s get a fresh on you, so you can
take a nap." Ryan couldn’t remember the last time he took a nap and his
mom never held his hand like that. It was like he was three years old
and his mom was guiding him.
They walked straight into Brad’s bedroom and mom lifted Ryan on to the
change table. "Let’s get that soggy diaper off you, so you can get a
really good nap." This wasn’t the same way his mom talked to him before.
She carefully spread the Vaseline along his crotch and then placed the
thick diaper under his bottom. The diaper was pinned tightly to his
waist and then mom pulled some plastic pants.
"I guess you going to needed some new pajamas, but for now you can sleep
in this." Ryan’s mom propped his arms up and then pulled one her long
T-shirts over his head. The t-shirt dropped down to his knees and that
was all he had to wear. After putting the t-shirt over Ryan’s head, his
mom carried Ryan over to Brad’s crib and placed him in it.
Ryan had a confused look on his face and asked, "Do I have to sleep in
"Of course, you’re going to be sleeping in a crib for quite a while. At
least a full year." The words didn’t have a demeaning tone; it was
almost the same she used when Ryan asked silly questions. Mom was acting
like this was the most normal thing in the world and Ryan was being
silly questioning it.
"Can I have something to drink?" Ryan asked, hoping his mom would let
him out of the crib to get a drink of water.
"Ok, I’ll bring up some milk, but after that I want you to go to sleep.
Don’t get out of the crib while I’m gone."
Ryan sat in his little brother’s crib while his mom went downstairs to
get him his milk. He thought about jumping out of the crib, but was
afraid what his mom would do. She didn’t use a lot of mean punishments,
but she didn’t like children disobeying her. Ryan knew from her tone
that he would be in trouble if he got out of his crib and decided it was
best just to take his medicine.
It was only about two minutes later that his mom came back with Ryan’s
milk. He looked in shock as she had it in a baby bottle and not a glass.
Brad still used bottles at bedtime and naptime, which meant Ryan also
had to drink from a bottle. Mom handed Ryan his bottle with a sugary,
"There you go. Now you’ve had a really big day and need a really good
nap. I’ll wake up in two hours, but I want you to sleep until then." She
kissed Ryan’s forehead and turned out the lights.
The room was dark, but Ryan could still see all around it. The sunlight
easily passed through the shades, which allowed Ryan to see his new
bedroom. Ryan rolled up against the bars on the crib, began to suck on
his bottle and soon fell fast asleep.
Mrs. James finally got Ryan to sleep. There were several mixed messages
coming into her head about this new development. On one side was the
potential damage she could do to Ryan if he truly had become
incontinent. She had a bit of faith in the hypnosis, and believed that
Ryan truly choose this path. However, she also realized there was still
a chance that Ryan may really be incontinent, and this could be the
exact wrong path.
A second emotion came from the fact that she wasn't fully convinced that
treating Ryan like a toddler was the correct path. If Ryan had truly
wanted to become a toddler, this was giving him exactly what he wanted.
She didn’t think it was a good idea to reward Ryan, but agreed with the
doctor's opinion that Ryan would just continue the behavior. This type
of treatment may just help Ryan put these desires into perspective, and
choose to act them out in a better way.
A final anxiety was affecting her most of all. It was her secret
pleasure she was receiving from having a --new baby in the house. As
Brad was getting older, Mrs. James became a bit despondent. She wasn’t
sure why, but she did not look eagerly for the day that Brad became
potty trained. As Brad’s potty training became more delayed, her spirits
lifted. She was so overwhelmed with the possibility that Ryan’s problems
could have been a serious health threat that those feelings were
non-existent with Ryan. Even when she had to put Ryan in diapers, she
didn’t get the same merriment. When she found out that Ryan’s problem
was not a serious health problem, she suddenly received the same
excitement over Ryan that she had with Brad. Now she wondered whether
the fact that her two boys who needed diapers full time was in fact her
fault. She didn’t want her kids to grow up, so she willed them to this
What ever guilt Mrs. James may have felt when preparing Ryan’s bottle,
and putting him in the crib, she couldn’t deny that she enjoyed the
process. Deep inside she was glad to baby Ryan, just like Brad.
Ryan fell fast asleep, and was completely dead to the world. Mrs. James
took the opportunity to talk to Uncle Bob about making another crib. She
had decided that Ryan should have his own crib, and of course Bob
Wilkerson was the only person whom she trusted for it.
She walked straight to Uncle Bob’s workshop and said, "Bob, I’ve got an
unusual request for you."
Bob sensed the apprehension in her voice, and calmly asked "What is it
"Well, you know that Ryan been having those accidents, and we needed to
put him back in diapers?"
"Yes, he stayed with us yesterday. Poor kid, I really feel for him. He
must be terrible embarrassed."
"Not as much as you think. We just got back from a hypnotherapist, who
put Ryan under hypnosis. It’s supposed to go into his subconscious, and
let us know what is really going on in his head. You’ll never guess why
he had those accidents."
"What was the answer?"
"It turns out Ryan had them on purpose. He wanted to go back to diapers,
and likes being babied!"
Uncle Bob was not ready to hear that. It completely took him by
surprise, and had no idea what to say. For the longest time he stood
silently looking at Mary James; wondering what he should say, or do.
Finally he gathered his wits, and asked "What are going to do?"
"The doctor suggested we do exactly what he wants. Fill him up on the
baby treatment, and he will decide by his own to become a boy again. I’m
going to make Ryan and Brad twins. They’re going to have the same
bedtime, bath time, naptime. You name it, and they’ll do it together.
Brad should be ready for a new round of potty training in August, and
I’ll potty train Ryan at the same time. Until then, Ryan and Brad will
have to sleep in cribs. That’s why I needed to talk to you. I wonder if
you could make another crib for me, but I need it to be the same size as
Bob didn’t know what to think, but he wasn’t going to turn down a
request from his neighbor. "I’ll be glad to do it. I don’t have anything
else due, so I should be able to get it to you by the end of the
Mrs. James left Uncle Bob to his work, and picked up Sara and Brad from
Joyce. Once they got inside the house, Sara went directly to the TV to
see if Ryan still had his diapers on. She looked around the living room,
but Ryan was no where to be found. "Mom, where’s Ryan?"
"He’s upstairs sleeping. Don’t wake him up."
"Sleeping?" Sara asked, with disbelief.
"Yeah, he’s taking his nap. Leave him alone; I’ll wake him up in an
hour." Mom thought about telling Sara about the new arrangement, but
decided to wait. She would find out soon enough, but mom wasn’t ready to
explain it just yet.
Sara knew something was strange. Ryan never took a nap, even when he was
really tired. Now she had this to hang over his head as well, and
couldn’t wait to see him. She waited for a while, but couldn’t resist
the thought of seeing her brother napping. She ran straight up to his
room, opened the door and shouted "HA!" She looked around, and the room
was empty. "That fink." She thought. "He’s left his room, and went out
to play. Mom’s going to kill him."
Sara ran back downstairs and straight to her mom. "Mommy, Ryan’s out of
his room." Sara figured this would really get him in trouble, and
couldn’t wait till he got home.
Mom impulsively blurted out "He’s out of his crib. I’m going to have to
up there and spank him."
Mom hadn’t even realized what she said by the time Sara asked "His crib?
Is Ryan sleeping in a crib?"
The cat was out of the bag, and there was no way to get it back. Mom
looked at Sara, and chose her words carefully. "Ryan is going to be your
little brother for a while. He and Brad are going to be twins until
August, which you’re going to be their big sister. I want to act like a
big sister, and teach them. I don’t you to tease Ryan about this. Treat
Ryan just like you do Brad."
One thing Sara was always good at was looking after Brad. She loved to
play with Brad, but always kept an eye out for him. It was always Sara
who would tell Brad not to run around the pool, and Sara almost always
held Brad’s hand when they crossed the street. Now she could do the same
with Ryan, and Ryan had to mind her. The thought was too good to even
think about. Sara couldn’t contain her excitement, and had to check up
on her brother.
She started to go upstairs, but mom shouted out, "don’t even think about
it. Stay down stairs. You’ll get your chance to see him."
It was too late. Sara had already started to run upstairs, and before
mom could catch her she was in the nursery. Ryan was still asleep when
she got to the room. She could hardly believe her eyes. There, right in
front of her was her eleven year old brother sleeping in a crib. His
pacifier had fallen out of the crib, and Sara went over to put it back.
The movement woke Ryan up, and he was none too happy to see his sister
"What are you doing here?" Ryan asked angrily.
Sara did her best impression of an affectionate older sister, and said
"I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?"
Ryan hated the idea of his sister controlling him, and certainly wasn’t
going to admit that she really did wake him up. "NO!" He shouted
"Mommy wants to sleep some more. Go back to sleep." Sara was extremely
nice, and very calm. She picked up the pacifier and placed it in Ryan’s
mouth. Then she began to stroke his head, and gently push him back on
Ryan almost fell for it, but then spit out the pacifier and cried "NO!"
Sara gave a stern warning. "GO BACK TO SLEEP! MOMMY DOESN’T WANT YOU
UP!" She put the pacifier back in his mouth, and tried to stroke his
This time Ryan spit out the pacifier, and shouted "MOM!"
Mom showed up, but instead of admonishing Sara, she said "Ryan, I want
you to call me mommy. Don’t call me mom anymore!" Ryan could hardly
believe his ears. Sara was teasing him, and was clearly acting awful,
but he got in trouble. He was about to cry in frustration when mom
looked at Sara and said, "I told you not to come up here!"
Mom sent Sara to her room until dinner. The punishment was swift and
firm, but Sara felt it was worth it. She hardly cared about her three
hour sentence in her room. She just thought about the new arrangement.
This meant that she was the top dog in the house, which caused Sara to
relish in her victory.
Ryan got up from his nap around 4:30. His diaper was both wet and soiled
when he got up, and was very happy to be changed into a fresh diaper.
Mom took him downstairs, and let Ryan play with Brad until dinner. Much
like two toddlers playing, the two brothers didn’t really play together.
Instead they shared the toys, but held their own attention.
Dinner time came, and Ryan fully realized the extent of his treatment.
The table only had two placements, and there were two highchairs on
opposite ends of the table. Ryan and Brad were placed in their
highchairs a few minutes before mom put the food on the table. Their
food was cut into bite size pieces, which negated the need for utensils.
They only got a spoon to eat their apple sauce, and the rest needed to
be eaten with their hands. The coup de grace came at the end of the
meal. Ryan waited till his mother and Sara finished their meal, and then
mom let him down. First she had to wipe his hands and face with a towel.
Then after dinner, Ryan and Brad each received a bottle of milk.
After their bottle, mom took them to the bathroom, and gave each one of
them a bath. Brad thought it was cool to share a bath with his older
brother. He had no idea why his brother was being treated like him, but
enjoyed the company.
The bedtime ritual was the most pleasant experience of the day. Ryan had
thought he just wanted diapers, and certainly didn’t want a crib. Now
Ryan enjoyed his treatment, and was glad he choose the path. The bed
time ritual put everything in perspective. The bath was very fun, and
mom made sure both kids enjoyed it. She cooed, and coddled them. She let
them play with their toys, and the two really seem to have fun.
After their bath, they got their night time diapers. Nighttime diapers
were thicker than their day counterparts. The thickness really spread
their legs apart, and made the boys waddle even greater. The diapers
felt really great, and the diapering was even better. It was hard to
explain, but Ryan had no worries at all.
Once mom put them in diapers, she took them to the living room. She
fixed another bottle, and then read them a story. Story time was one of
those times that Ryan enjoyed even when he was older. Ryan and Sara used
to cuddle up next to mom while she read Brad his nightly story. This
time Brad and Ryan were both on mom’s lap while she read "The Three
Little Pigs." Both boys sucked on their bottles, and snuggled next to
mom. Ryan looked at Sara, who clearly seemed left out. Sara got as close
as she could to her mother, but still wasn’t sure whether mom was angry
at her. Ryan could tell that Sara wanted to cuddle as well.
Mom carried Brad to his room, but Ryan had to walk. He was just too big
to carry. She fixed a small bed, and said "Uncle Bob is making a new
crib, but until them you will have to share. This is Ryan’s day, so Brad
will have sleep on the floor." Mom helped Ryan into the crib, and kissed
him goodnight. She tucked Brad into his bed, and turned the lights out.
It was only 8:30; the earliest Ryan had gone to bed in years.
As the weekend wore on, Ryan gradually got used the new treatment from
his mother. Ryan didn’t really believe his mom would go through with it,
even after she made him take the nap. He was convinced that she would
relent the next day and let him go out and play.
He soon found out how wrong he was. On Saturday morning his mother woke
him up along with Brad. She brought both of them downstairs together and
then fixed their breakfast. Brad and Ryan both sat in their own
highchairs and ate their breakfast at the table. Mom placed them in
front of the TV, but asked Sara to keep an eye on them. Sara wouldn’t
let Ryan go anywhere.
Ryan asked if he could go outside and play, but mom responded "I don’t
think so. There is nobody outside to watch you."
"I can play by myself," Ryan replied.
"No, you aren’t allowed to be by yourself anymore. A bigger person must
be with you and Brad at all times. If Sara wants to go out with you, you
can play in the yard." Ryan couldn’t handle asking his sister to stay
outside with him and decided just to stay in with Brad.
He had to take naps everyday and had no control how long they lasted.
Mom would take both Brad and Ryan to their bedroom and turn out the
lights. They weren’t allowed out of their beds (or cribs) until mom woke
them up. Every thing Ryan drank came from a bottle and he ate from a
Mom didn’t make this like a punishment. She didn’t tease Ryan about
being a baby, or say stuff like, "you’re just a baby." She did her best
to act like it was perfectly normal to treat Ryan this way.
Sara did her best to rub it in. She wasn’t allowed to really tease Ryan.
Every time she started to tease Ryan about being a baby mom would yell
at her. She made up for by being extremely nice to Ryan, the same way
she would if he was truly a baby. She read Ryan and Brad stories, which
was a comical site. Sara could only read a few stories and Ryan was a
much better reader than her. She would struggle with the words and Ryan
would try to help her. She would tell Ryan, "be quiet. I’m reading the
story and you can’t help me."
She made sure to give her mother as much help as she could give. She
always brought the diapers and help put them away. She wanted to learn
how to change the diapers, but mom wouldn’t let her. Mom told her, "You
aren’t old enough." Sara made sure to tell mom as soon as any of the
boy’s needed a change, especially Ryan. She brought the boy’s their
bottles and took them after they were finished.
The only time Ryan went out in public was Sunday morning, at church.
Ryan wore pants to church and there was no way to tell that he had
diapers underneath. Looking at the family from the pews, there was no
way to tell anything was out of the normal. Ryan didn’t go to Sunday
school, but everything else was normal.
Ryan’s new crib was finished that Sunday afternoon. Uncle Bob brought it
over and helped his mom put it in the nursery. The crib was really well
built. It had two headboards painted with a clown holding a string of
balloons. The headboard had a white background, but the rails were
painted red. It was slightly higher than your typical crib, or bed. The
base was about four feet of the ground and with the mattress it stood
about 4 ½ feet. It was taller than Brad and almost up to Ryan’s head.
The railings were also higher than a normal crib. The front side could
be completely dropped to the floor, so it was four feet high as well.
Ryan could easily get in and out of Brad’s crib. He routinely jumped in
and out of it during the night and it wasn’t much harder than getting
out of his bed. In this crib he needed help to get himself into the
crib, even with the railing down. Once the railing was up he couldn’t
Aside from having to stay in the crib, sleeping in it was a pleasant
experience. He was quite a squirmy sleeper to begin with. His sheets
used to get strewn all over the bed and routinely fell out. Ryan tangled
himself in the sheets, with no worry of falling out. Mom put some of
Ryan’s stuffed animals in the crib to keep him company and there was
even an airplane mobile hanging above his crib. Ryan found it easy to
keep himself occupied the whole naptime and didn’t mind the early
Mrs. James had to go to a business meeting Monday. It was a full day
meeting, which meant the kids were sent to Joyce’s house early in the
morning. Joyce had to fix them breakfast and watch them the entire day.
Joyce had no problem adjusting to the new treatment of Ryan. She figured
it out right away and fixed him a bottle. Ryan wasn’t really hungry and
only picked at his oatmeal. Joyce let him pick at for awhile and then
warned "If you don’t start eating your breakfast, I’m going to feed you
like a baby."
Ryan didn’t take the warning seriously and a few minutes later Joyce
placed a chair next to Ryan’s highchair. She took the spoon and got a
load of oatmeal on it. "Open up." Ryan refused to open his mouth, but
Joyce was persistent. She played games with him and distracted Ryan. She
tickled him and then put the spoon in when he opened his mouth. It took
forever, but Joyce was more than patient. "We are leaving this table
until you are done." By the time they finished with the oatmeal half of
it was on Ryan’s face. Joyce just took the bib and wiped his face clean.
Jessica came over and was glad to see Ryan still in diapers. Jessica
laughed when she saw Ryan. "Are you going to let me change your diapers
Ryan was about to tell Jessica that she could change his diaper now when
Joyce said "It gets better than that. Ryan was doing his accidents on
purpose, so now we can treat him like he is three. He’s going to ride in
a stroller with his brother today."
"I have to ride in a stroller?" Ryan whined.
"Oh yeah. We are going to San Francisco and I don’t want you and Brad
running away. I got another stroller that is big enough for you, so you
will ride in that." Ordinarily Joyce didn’t like taking Ryan to public
places. He had a history of walking away from the group and Joyce had
spent a lot time looking for him. The last time she took him to San
Francisco he left the store they were at. It took Joyce a half hour to
find him and she was scared to death the whole time. Once she found him
she warned she would get him a leash if he walked away again. This was
better, because he couldn’t complain about being tired.
They left for San Francisco just about ten o’clock. They drove to the
BART station and then took the train into San Francisco. Jessica and
Joyce each carried a large diaper bag and agreed each be responsible for
one of the boys. Jessica choose Ryan, which meant she got to change Ryan
before they left.
Ryan starting to act up almost immediately after they got to the BART
station. Riding on BART was a real treat for him, since he didn’t get to
do it a lot. The only times that he would ever ride on a BART train was
when he went to San Francisco, or Uncle Bob took him to an A’s game.
That only happened about three times a year and this was only the second
time that Joyce had taken him on BART.
Ryan was excited about going to San Francisco and all the fun he assumed
he would get. They had to wait for the train to come, so Brad and Ryan
started to mess around on the platform.
"If you guys don’t settle down, I’m putting you in the strollers right
now." Joyce warned the boys.
The boys did quiet down a little, but then they started messing around
on the train. They kept jumping in and out of their chairs. Jessica
started to get uncomfortable with Ryan, since he was the one who was
acting the most. She tried to settle him down, but Ryan still kept
hopping around the train.
When they got to San Francisco, Jessica put Ryan in his stroller. It was
just like a typical stroller, but a little bigger. Ryan felt really
awkward sitting in that stroller, since he knew that he was ten years
old. He was sure everyone in San Francisco knew that it was a ten year
old boy sitting in that stroller.
It wasn’t that long ago that Ryan was jealous of Brad. Brad rode in
strollers for years and Ryan used to hate having to push it around;
especially on long shopping trips when Ryan would get tired. He would
look at Brad and he wished he could still ride in a stroller. Now that
he was in the stroller Ryan suddenly felt confined. He couldn’t walk
around like he wanted to and he wasn’t liking the ride.
Ryan kept squirming around in the stroller. He jerked forward and
backward; making it difficult for Jessica to push it around the streets.
They only had a little walk to their first store, which was
Bloomingdales, but it took them fifteen minutes because of Ryan’s
Jessica tried in vain to keep Ryan still, but Ryan wasn’t listening to
her. He wanted out and there was nothing that Jessica could do to make
him stop. Jessica put her hand on Ryan; and said "stop squirming, I
can’t push it around."
"I want out!" Ryan demanded.
"Not yet. Joyce doesn’t want you to leave the stroller."
They found the Hip Women’s Department at Bloomingdales and quickly
started to try on clothes. It was great fun for Joyce and Jessica, who
looked through as many of the clothes as possible. Even Sara was having
fun, because she was feeling so much older, especially since her two
brothers were in diapers and sitting in strollers. Sara couldn’t fit in
any clothes, but still had fun finding clothes for Joyce and Jessica.
Joyce even found some clothes that would look good on Sara, if she was
The boy’s were bored stiff. There was nothing to do in the strollers and
they couldn’t get out to run around. That was the main reason that Joyce
wanted to keep Ryan in the stroller, since he would surely leave the
department the first chance he got.
Ryan was already misbehaving and his boredom only caused greater
problems. He tried to flip his stroller over and was trying to move it
around. Jessica kept trying to stop him, but wasn’t having much luck.
Now, seeing a boy as big as Ryan in a stroller may cause some second
glances, but most people would not have noticed much. Ryan was dress so
much like a toddler that he just looked a little big for his age. How
ever, Ryan’s disturbances caused people to stare at him. Ryan wasn’t
very big for ten years old, but he weighed close to seventy pounds.
People started staring and saying "wow, that’s a big kid. I wonder how
old he is."
Jessica was not having as much fun as she hoped either. She really did
enjoy Ryan’s company before, but he was being such a pest today that she
felt uncomfortable. She gradually ignored Ryan’s behavior, hoping that
Joyce would take care of it.
Joyce didn’t take long. Ryan started to scream and she immediately took
him out of his stroller and walked him to the dressing room. It was
really unusual for Joyce to take such a forceful nature with any of the
kids, but she was really mad at Ryan. She picked him up and set him on
Immediately she started to let in on Ryan. She looked him firmly in the
eyes and said "Look here. I’ve had about as much of this as I’m going to
take. If you don’t stop this right now I’m going to pull your pants down
and give you a spanking you won’t forget. Then we are going home and I’m
NEVER taking you anyplace again. Do you understand?"
This was a tone that Ryan rarely saw from Joyce, but he knew she was
serious. It wasn’t so much the thought of Joyce spanking him that
changed his mind, although that played a role. The biggest threat was
never going any where with Joyce again. Ryan loved it when Joyce took
him places and didn’t want to ruin it by misbehaving. He gave Joyce a
guilty look and said "yes."
"Are you going to stop, or should I pull your pants down right here?"
"I’ll stop." Ryan said in a shy voice.
"Good." Joyce hoped it would be the end of it.
"Don’t say sorry to me. I think you should tell Jessica, she’s not sure
if she wants to stay with us."
That also made Ryan feel bad. He came back to the group and sat down in
his stroller. Jessica kneeled down to strap him in and Ryan sheepishly
said, "I’m sorry."
Jessica gave a grateful "You’re welcome and thank you."
The rest of the day was really nice. After visiting the department for
Joyce and Jessica, they went to one for Sara. Joyce and Jessica found
Sara a really cool outfit that she could wear and bought it for her.
Sara was so thrilled that she got an outfit that was deemed cool by her
After the clothes they went to lunch at a McDonald’s with a playground.
Ryan and Brad played in the playground for a longtime. Sara tried hard
to avoid it, since she was trying to be old, but she also played on it.
After lunch they went to another indoor playground, with really cool
stuff. Even Jessica and Joyce got in on the action at that playground.
Sara’s highlight came right after that. Joyce and Jessica took Sara to a
beauty parlor and got her a haircut and manicure. Sara wanted a facial
as well, but Joyce didn’t want her to have makeup. Sara felt so cool
with her new clothes and hair; and her fingernails painted.
After Sara’s beauty treatment the highlight for the boy’s was FAO
SCWARTZ, the best toy store in town. They spent almost two hours in the
toy store and Ryan could’ve spent more. He was good for Jessica, since
he didn’t want it to end. Ryan loved it at the toy store. He got to play
with the older kid toys, even though he was supposed to be a toddler.
Ryan also got to play with the little kid toys. Ordinarily he felt
strange playing with the little kid toys, even though he enjoyed it
more. It just that he was sure everyone wondered why he was looking at
them. Now it didn’t look out of place and Ryan really enjoyed playing
with the Fisher Price toys. Jessica even bought him a small airplane, to
go with his collection.
Ryan loved having Jessica look after him and he behaved perfectly after
the morning. Jessica was so kind and really thoughtful when it came to
changing his diaper. She had to change the diaper three times during the
day and each time she made sure not to embarrass Ryan. They always found
a private stall and Jessica really took her time making sure he was
Ryan was thoroughly tired when they got back on BART to go home. It was
about three o’clock and they had been out for six hours. He fell asleep
in his stroller on the way home and Jessica had to wake him up when they
got to Castro Valley. He was still tired, so Jessica carried him to the
car and made Sara carry his stroller.
Ryan had his daily bowel movement in the car on the way home. He had
only marginal control of his bowels now and this time he didn’t even
realize he was going to poop. Jessica wasn’t sure if she wanted to
change a stinky diaper and tried to pawn it off on Joyce.
Joyce looked at Jessica and said, "He’s yours till five. He poops, you
Ryan was still on cloud nine when his mom came to pick them up from
Joyce’s house. He and Brad took a little nap after Jessica changed his
diaper, and Ryan was still a little groggy when his mom took him home.
Their mom gave Ryan and Brad a bath right after they ate their dinner,
and then read them a little story. After all that; it was off to bed and
Ryan fell fast asleep. It was only 8 o’clock, but Ryan found himself
sleeping so soundly he didn’t remember pooping in his diaper in the
middle of the night.
Ryan’s life pretty much settled into a lazy routine of playing, eating,
and napping. Ryan and Brad spent most of the time at home with either
his mom, or Joyce. When they were home, they woke up around 8:30 in the
morning. They had breakfast, and then drank their morning bottle. They
sat in front of the TV while sucking on the bottle, and normally
wouldn’t leave it till 10:30. They usually got bored of television by
then, but if they didn’t mom made them turn it off and play with their
toys. They went up to their playroom (what used to be Ryan’s room), and
played with their toys. All of Ryan’s big kid toys were packed away, and
they could only play with Brad’s toys.
They had their lunch around noon each day, and then mom let them play
outside for a while. They always had to come in around 1 o’clock,
because that was naptime. They came back in, and them mom read them a
story. After the story they went up to their room, and climbed into
their cribs. Mom turned out the light, and the two boys tried to sleep
for the next two hours.
Nap time was the worst part of the day. Ryan loved everything else. He
loved playing with Brad’s toys, and realized how much he missed playing
with them before. He used to sneak play with Brad’s toys, but always
felt guilty about it. He kept thinking, "I’m supposed to like to play
with my model airplanes, not the Fisher Price village." Nevertheless, it
was Ryan’s secret pleasure even before he went back to diapers. Now that
he was in diapers, he could do this without guilt, and enjoyed every
moment of it.
He felt so secure, and loved, when he drank from his bottle. He didn’t
think about anything when he sucked on his bottle, he just sucked his
bottle and thought about how much his mom loved him. He knew she loved
him dearly, because she was doing all this for him. She never yelled at
him about, and never made him feel guilty.
Brad feed himself, and usually ate his food without much hesitation.
Ryan, on the other hand, was never a big eater. He would play with his
food, even when he wasn’t being treated as a baby. His mom used to
threaten to feed him like a baby if he didn’t stop playing with his
food. Now that he was eating in a highchair, he played with his food
more than he used to. His mom let him play with the food until Brad
finished, and then would feed him herself.
Naptime was just boring. He rarely was tired, and had a hard time
actually getting much sleep. Brad always fell asleep almost when the
lights went out, and didn’t wake up for at least two hours. Ryan could
only sit in his crib, and wait for mom to get him out. It was during
naptime that Ryan realized he couldn’t control his bladder, even if he
wanted to. He was sitting in the crib, daydreaming about the rest of his
summer when he felt pee flow into his diaper without warning. He didn’t
even know that he had to go, the pee just came out.
Ryan’s diaper was changed pretty much as needed, and without a lot of
ceremony. His mom wanted Ryan to tell her when he used his diaper, but
she checked him every few hours anyway. She usually changed his diaper
in the living room, since that was the room that he normally was in. It
didn’t matter who was in the room when he was changed, she acted like
changing his diaper was the most normal thing in the world.
Sara’s favorite hobby was bringing her friends home in the afternoon.
She loved having her friends see her brother’s get their diapers
changed, and the girls thought it was so cool that Ryan had to wear
diapers. At first it bothered Ryan that Sara’s friends saw him in
diapers, but he soon accepted it. The first time they saw Ryan wearing
diapers, they called him a baby, but they got in trouble with Ryan’s
mom. She told the girls that if they could come visit anytime they
wanted, but there was no teasing in their house. The girls came back the
next day; and Ryan expected to hear the same taunts. Instead they
patiently waited for mom to change the diapers, and then invited Ryan
and Brad to play with them. They played house, and Ryan and Brad were
the babies. The girls even fed them baby food.
There was a big change in the routine on Thursday. It had been two days
since Ryan had left the house, and he didn’t expect anything different
on Thursday. He woke up at the usual time, and ate his breakfast at his
All of the sudden, his mom yelled out, "Hurry up, you have to get ready!"
Ryan didn’t know why he had to get ready, since he thought he was
staying at home. "Why? Where am I going?"
"To nursery school."
"Nursery school?" Ryan had no idea his mom planned to send him to
nursery school. He figured he would spend the day with Joyce, which
happened the week before.
"Yeah, I don’t want you staying at home all the time, so you’re going to
nursery school with Brad. It will be fun."
Ryan wondered what exactly it would be like. Brad loved his school, but
Ryan never knew what he did. He tried to ask Brad what they did, but
Brad was excited and Ryan couldn’t understand what he said. Brad almost
screamed, and said "We paint, and then and then we eat and then we uh .
. . . . we read stories, and we uh." He was speaking a mile a minute,
and barely breathing between words.
Brad’s pre-school was a special pre-school that didn’t require the kids
to be potty trained to enroll. Mrs. James had to search really hard to
find it, because Brad couldn’t go to most of the pre-schools. This one
is very small, only ten kids. It wasn’t an exclusive pre-school for
non-potty trained children, but there was no place else for those kids
There were ten kids at Brad’s school, which was really just big house
with a converted daycare area. Seven of them were boy’s, and three
girls. The girls were all three, and four boys were three. That left
only three boys who were four years old. Most of kids had some sort of
potty training problem. Only three kids were completely potty trained,
and didn’t wear either diapers or Pull Ups. One was Jeremy, who was the
oldest boy, and he had only just graduated to underwear for his naps.
The other two were the girls, Celeste and Nicole. Celeste had just
turned three a few weeks earlier, and completely trained. Her older
brother Carlton was also in the class. Carlton was one of the four year
olds, and wore Pull Ups all the time. Nicole was a few months from her
fourth birthday. She had been in diapers until a few months ago, but was
now wearing panties. She was doing fine, but still had accidents every
once in a while.
The other girl had just turned three, and still wore diapers all the
time. Two of the three year old boys were also in diapers. Brian and
Daniel, who were twins both used Pull Ups. Daniel wore them all the
time, and Brian only wore Pull Ups during naps. Brad was younger than
both Carlton and Jeremy, but the only four year old who still needed
diapers all the time.
Mrs. McNight started the pre-school ten years earlier, when she couldn’t
find a school for her son. Michael was four years old, and still not
potty trained. She worked at a Nursery School, but they wouldn’t let
Michael enroll in the school unless he was potty trained. She spent the
whole summer pressuring Michael to use the potty, which completely
back-fired. Instead of getting her son out of diapers, Michael became
more reliant on diapers. She quit her job, hoping to find another
Nursery School for Michael. She couldn’t find one, and started teaching
him herself. After a few weeks she found other mother’s who were in the
same situation, and started her own school.
When Mrs. James told Mrs. McNight about Ryan, it sounded very familiar
to the pre-school teacher. Mrs. McNight had gone through something
similar with Michael when he was nine. He had finally got potty trained
when he was six, but still wet his bed at night. Michael continued to
wear diapers at night, but wore underwear during the day. Around nine
years old Michael suddenly started wetting his pants. At first Mrs.
McNight thought it was a serious medical problem, but the doctors
couldn’t find the cause. She eventually had to put Michael back in
diapers full time, because he was soaking all his cloths. She kept him
in diapers for a few weeks, and then started him from scratch.
Mrs. McNight told Ryan’s mom that it was a very slow process. She put
Michael through the whole potty training again; complete with a potty
chair. Eventually he was using the potty, but still needed diapers on
occasion. If Michael was using the potty, he would wear underwear, but
when he had accidents he was diapered.
"It took much longer than I expected. If Michael had an accident, I
would give him a Pull Up. If he wet the Pull Up, than I would put
diapers on him. It’s been five years, and this is the first year that he
didn’t need diapers." The words were far from comforting for Mrs. James,
she hoped this would only be a short phase, and in a few years they
would laugh about it.
The pre-school was a new experience for Ryan. At first the kids didn’t
know what to think about Ryan. Most of them thought Brad’s older brother
was visiting for some reason, and wouldn’t participate in the school.
Ryan didn’t expect to participate either. He figured that Mrs. McNight
would give him some paper, and Ryan would sit by himself the whole
Right away Ryan found out Mrs. McNight expected him to participate in
the class. They went into a circle and began to sing, and Ryan waited
outside the circle. Mrs. McNight gently told Ryan, "Ryan, we are singing
our song. I would like you to sing along. If you don’t know the words,
we will teach you." Mrs. McNight expected Ryan to participate like
The rest of the kids still had no idea that Ryan had a diaper on. With
so few children, the two teachers were able to keep an eye on the kids.
About ten o’clock Carlton got a feared look in his eyes. He hated that
he needed Pull Ups when Celeste didn’t. He had convinced his mom to let
him wear underwear that morning, and had just peed his pants. Celeste
promptly told the teacher, out loud, "Teacher, Carlton just went pee
pee." Carlton started to cry; and the assistant, Ms. P, went to take
care of Carlton. While Ms. P took Carlton to the bathroom to change,
Mrs. McNight said it was a good time for everyone to use the potty.
Jeremy and Nicole went to bathroom with Ms. P, and Mrs. McNight checked
the other kids. Skyler, one of the three year olds, wet his pull up, and
Brad had a wet diaper. Ryan tried to remember whether he had wet his
diaper yet, or not. Ms. P had finished with the other, and came to Ryan.
She put her hand on Ryan’s butt, and felt his soggy diaper. Ryan’s
diaper was almost dripping, and Ms. P immediately said, "Let’s get you
into a nice clean diaper."
Celeste, who had ears like Sara, heard Ms. P and cried out, "Ryan wears
At first, Ryan was mortified! He didn’t expect three year olds to tease
him, especially about using the potty. He expected them to start
laughing at him, and call him a baby. Instead, they all thought it was
cool that someone bigger than them still wears diapers. When Ryan came
back from getting his diaper changed he was suddenly the most popular
kid in the class, and everyone wanted to play with Ryan’s toys.
Ryan got in trouble that day as well. He was playing with blocks with
Carlton and Jeremy. Carlton and Ryan both reached for the same block at
the same time. Ryan was building a really cool looking tower, and had a
blue and white pattern. This was a necessary block for his tower, and he
didn’t want to let Carlton have. Neither one of them would let go of the
piece, and immediately started arguing. It didn’t take long for the
teachers to stop, and Ms. P sent Ryan and Carlton to the Naughty Chairs
Other than getting in trouble, Ryan had a really good time at the
Nursery School. He had gotten a little bored just sitting around home
for two days, and this had given him something to do. They were always
doing something, and everything was fun. They finger painted, and it
didn’t matter that their art was any good. It was just doing the art
that mattered. Ryan had always felt more comfortable with little kids
than with kids his own age, and he felt like he belonged in the Nursery
Ryan and Brad came back home around three o’clock. He had his nap at
pre-school, so he didn’t need one when he got home. He expected to just
watch some TV until dinner, and then go to bed. It wasn’t much later
that the phone rang. Ryan didn’t even bother to answer the phone. It
never was for him anyway, and he would just get in trouble if he didn’t
answer it correctly. Ryan barely paid any attention to it, and
eventually his mom answered the phone.
A few seconds later his mom cried out, "Ryan, phone."
"I know mom, someone else got it." Ryan just figured his mom wanted him
to answer the phone.
"No, I mean the phones for you."
Ryan had no idea who it could be. No one ever called him. "Who is it?"
"I don’t know. Maybe one of your friends."
Now Ryan was really confused. He didn’t have any friends, except for
Chad. Chad almost never called, and his mom would know who he was. He
raced through his mind to think who it could be, but came up blank.
"Hello?" Ryan said in a questioning voice.
"Hi." The voice was excited, but Ryan sensed the fear in his voice. He
still had no idea who this was, but sensed to go on.
"Who is this?"
Ryan tried to remember any Scotts he knew. There weren’t any on his
baseball team, or in his class. There was one who went to his school,
but he was a few grades older than Ryan, and wouldn’t call.
"Scott from daycare. You remember the day you were . . . ."
At first Ryan thought it was one of the kids in the pre-school, but then
he remember his daycamp. He remembered Scott, but barely knew him. They
really hadn’t talked much, except for that afternoon he wore Goodnites.
Then Ryan remembered how nice Scott was when everyone else made fun of
"Yeah, I remember now."
"You haven’t been back. What happened?"
Ryan wondered whether to tell Scott the whole story, or just give him a
lie. He decided to just tell Scott that he doesn’t go there anymore.
"Is it because of what happened?"
"You’re lucky. I hate it, and wish I didn’t have to go." There was a
little pause, and then Scott asked, "Are you doing anything?"
"Wanna come over and play."
Ryan knew he wouldn’t be able to leave the house, and said, "I don’t
think I can."
"Well, can I come over to your house."
Without thinking about, he blurted out, "I think so, I’ll go ask my mom."
Ryan went straight to his mom. "Mom, can my friend Scott come over to
"Yeah, but are you sure you want him to come over. He will see your
"Oh yeah. Well, maybe I can not wear them when he’s here."
"I don’t think that will work, and besides you really do need them."
"OK, I’ll tell him he can’t go." Ryan was really dejected.
"Don’t do that. If you really want to come, invite him. Just remember
that he may not accept that you need diapers."
Ryan thought seriously about it. He really wanted to make more friends,
and Scott seemed like such a nice guy. He already knew about the
Goodnites, and it wasn’t that much of a stretch to go into diapers. Ryan
sensed that there was more to the story than what Scott had let on, and
maybe he would let Ryan know more today. On the other hand, what about
Sara? Sara would certainly point out Ryan’s inadequacies in front of
Scott. She would almost certainly tell Scott about the crib, and they
would have play with baby toys. Ryan thought about the bad points and
good points, and left Scott on the phone for a few minutes. He
eventually decided to invite Scott over, and risk losing the friendship
he never really had.
It took Scott five minutes to ride his bike to Ryan’s house. It was the
longest five minutes that Ryan had ever spent. He kept wondering how he
was going to show Scott his diapers, and what Scott would say when he
saw that Ryan was wearing a diaper.
Ryan debated the best way to tell Scott, and thought every possible way
for Scott to find out. In the end, the one way that Ryan feared most is
what actually happened. With all his nervous energy, Ryan pooped in his
diaper while he waited for Scott to get to his house.
Ryan’s mother had just started to change his diaper when the doorbell
rang. Sara answered the door, and Scott asked, "Where is is Ryan?"
Sara couldn’t resist telling Scott the reason Ryan didn’t answer the
door. "He’s getting his diaper changed. You can go in and watch."
Scott didn’t quite believe what he heard, but saw the truth when he
walked into the living room. Mrs. James was changing Ryan’s diaper right
there on the floor, and was carefully wiping Ryan’s bottom. It was
obvious that Ryan had just pooped in his diaper. Ryan almost screamed
when he saw Scott walk in as he was getting his diaper changed. He kept
expecting Scott to laugh at him, or walk out. He mostly wished Scott
would walk out, because he figured Scott was just waiting to tease him
after he was diapered. Scott didn’t say anything, and just sat quietly
on the couch watching TV with Brad.
When Mrs. James finally finished with Ryan, Scott looked at him and
calmly said "So you have to wear diapers now."
"Yeah." Ryan said dejectedly.
Sara was about to tell Scott about Ryan’s crib when Mrs. James
interrupted "Sara!" It was a stern warning, that stopped Sara in her
Ryan realized he wasn’t going to get any privacy in front of Sara and
said, "Let’s go up and play with my toys." The two boys went up to the
play room, and started playing with the toys.
Scott didn’t seem at all uncomfortable with Ryan being in diapers. He
asked why, but it wasn’t with a mean spirit. Ryan promptly told Scott
the entire story, including going to nursery school that morning.
When Ryan finished with his story, Scott began to talk. Ryan felt that
this was something that would forever endure both boys together, and
intently listened as Scott told his story.
"That’s kind of why I wanted to play with you. When I saw you in
Goodnites, I wanted to become your friend. I still have accidents
myself, and have to wear Pull Ups." Scott pulled down the front of his
pants showing Ryan the front of his Pull Ups. The stars had disappeared,
so the Pull Up was wet.
"Were you in Pull Ups that day at daycamp?"
"No, but I had an accident that afternoon, so I wore them the next day."
"Do ever have to wear diapers?"
"Not anymore. I used to, but since I turned nine mom said I was too big.
I wish I still could. Diapers are much better, and don’t leak as much. I
There was a bond between the two that was stronger than anything that
could ever break. They were in the same boat, and respected each other
because of it. They played with the Legos together, and started building
a house without trying. Ryan wasn’t very good at playing with friends,
since he tended to ignore them. In this case, the two were working
together, and built a really great house.
After building the house, they wanted to go outside to play. At first
Mrs. James was reluctant, since no one was outside to watch them. Even
though Scott was old enough to be outside, she didn’t want Ryan to be
outside without supervision. Of course, she couldn’t say anything to
Scott, because it would just embarrass Ryan.
Fortunately, Joyce had come to visit, and offered to go outside with the
boys. They went straight to the sandbox, and played in the sand as Joyce
watched. Scott’s Pull Up was already drenched, and couldn’t hold anymore
pee. He suddenly let go some more, and really flooded the front of his
The urine quickly spread through his pants, and Joyce immediately
noticed Scott’s little accident. "Look’s like another little boy has a
little problem. Did you wet your pants?"
Scott was a little embarrassed to wet his pants in front of a stranger,
especially one as pretty as Joyce. With a quiet, sheepish voice, he said
Joyce was no stranger to potty accidents, especially this summer. "Let’s
get you out those wet clothes." She took the boys into the bathroom next
to pool, and help Scott take off his wet clothes. She noticed the Pull
Ups, and realized he needed a new one. "Do you have anymore of those?"
"Well, let’s see what we can do about this." Joyce went up to Mrs.
James, and said "Mary, we have a little problem."
"Scott wet his pants."
"What? Not another boy. What is it about little boys?"
"It gets worse. He wears Pull Ups, and doesn’t have an extra one. He
really wet the one he has, and needs a change. Do we have more Pull Ups?"
"No, and I threw all of Ryan’s underwear away. All we have is diapers. I
guess he just going to have to wear a diaper."
Joyce went back to Scott, and said "Scott, I’m afraid that you’re going
to wear diaper. We don’t have any Pull Ups, and Ryan doesn’t have
Scott’s face barely hid his excitement, and pretended to be remorseful.
He tried to get out a dejected "Ok," but it came out with a hint of
Joyce took Scott to the changing table, and proceeded to put a fresh
diaper on him. Sara saw it, and said "Another boy in diapers. Do any
boys use the potty?"
Joyce laughed at Sara's comment, even though she wanted Sara to stop
teasing Ryan. "I don’t know Sara, not in this house."
Scott spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying his diapers. Being in
diapers was far from a disappointment for Scott, who loved the extra
attention he received when he was changed. The boys played together for
another hour before it was time to leave. At the end of the afternoon
Mrs. James changed Scott’s diaper before he left.
Mrs. James had to call Scott’s mom to explain why Scott was going to
come home in a diaper. While Joyce was putting Scott in the diaper, Mrs.
James called his mother.
"We had a little problem with Scott, but it’s nothing that we couldn’t
Scott’s mom already knew what happened, and was embarrassed. "I’m so
sorry, I can’t believe he still does that. Did he have his Pull Ups?"
"Well, that’s what I wanted to tell you."
Scott’s mom had gone through numerous guilt trips about keeping Scott in
Pull Ups, and wasn’t going to let a stranger tell her how to raise her
son. "You don’t understand, they work for us. Without them, he would
just wet all his clothes."
Mrs. James knew right away why Scott’s mom reacted that way. "You don’t
understand. I know about that, and I have the same problem. In fact
that’s why I needed to call you. I’ve got two boys myself who have those
problems, and right now both are in diapers. We didn’t have any Pull
Ups, or underwear, so we had put Scott in a diaper."
"You mean Ryan is wearing diapers as well."
"And you put Scott in a diaper because you didn’t have anything else for
him to wear."
"Yes, is that all right. I’ll find something else if you want."
"No, that’s fine. I’ve been tempted to go back to diapers. They are so
much cheaper than Pull Ups, and he uses them the same."
Ryan could hardly believe his luck. When he first went back in diapers
he was excited, but he was also apprehensive. He longed to wear diapers,
but felt really strange about his desires. He didn’t know if he was
crazy, because he wanted such an unusual thing. He also wondered what
his classmates would think. He had been in diapers for a full week, and
realized how much he was enjoying everything.
He suddenly felt comfortable in his body, and nobody bothered him
anymore. He spent most of his time at home, and the only people who
really saw him were his family and Joyce. Joyce and his mom acted like
everything was normal, and Ryan was just a little kid. They changed his
diaper willingly, and expected him to use it. The only person who teased
him was Sara, but that always happened anyway. Sara was just having fun
being the big sister, because that’s what she always wanted to be. Brad
really like having Ryan share his space, and they suddenly were becoming
Ryan’s relationship with Brad really came around. Ryan and Brad weren’t
really close before this happened. Brad was an unusual kid, and some
people thought he was a bit slow. After all he was four years old, and
still wore diapers, and used a bottle. He didn’t want to give up being a
baby, and some people didn’t think he would ever grow up. Ryan even
thought Brad was just a stupid kid, before he started playing with him.
Ryan was a bit jealous of Brad, because Brad got to grow up so slowly.
Ryan always felt a bit rushed growing up, and didn’t get to enjoy being
little. His father was very strict, and expected Ryan to be a big boy.
Ryan always got in trouble when he did anything babyish. Sara also
pushed Ryan into growing up. Sara always wanted to act older than she
really was, and consequently pushed Ryan into getting older. Ryan’s mom
didn’t push Brad to grow up, and babied Brad as much as he wanted. All
the time his mom cuddled Brad, Ryan resented the extra attention Brad
The more he played with Brad, the more Ryan realized that Brad was
really a smart kid. Brad was sort of a loner, who didn’t care what other
people thought. He wasn’t ready for underwear, and didn’t care what
anyone thought. Even now, it was tough to play with Brad. Brad would
play with Ryan as long as they were doing something Brad wanted to do.
Sometimes Brad would get bored, and start doing something else. If Ryan
got bored, Brad would just continue playing with the same toys.
Brad was a smart kid, who didn’t need friends to be happy. Ryan always
felt strange, and had trouble making friends. Then he starts wearing
diapers, and makes a friend the first week. Ryan and Scott seemed made
for each other, and both desperately needed friendship.
Ryan floated through the rest of the week, and weekend. It was difficult
to leave home, since Mrs. James didn’t like changing the boy’s diapers
in public. She kept them at home as much as she could, and had Joyce
watch them when she had to leave. Ryan and Brad didn’t leave the house
at all on Friday and Saturday, but nonetheless had very enjoyable days.
Sara, and her two best friends Rachel and Becky, loved playing with the
boys. On Friday, Rachel and Becky came to the house right about lunch
time. Ryan and Brad were in the playroom, so the girls helped Mrs. James
get lunch ready. They set the table, and put the food out.
Once lunch was ready, Mrs. James asked the girls, "Can you bring the
boys to lunch?"
All three girls, eager to take on big sister roles shouted in unison
They immediately started arguing over who got to get them.
Sara, in a selfish tone said "They’re my brothers, so I get to go get
Rachel protested, "You can get them all the time; I want to get them."
Becky followed with a quick "Me too."
Mrs. James reprimanded her daughter for the selfishness. "Sara, don’t be
so selfish. These are your friends, and you should treat them better."
Sara felt bad, and apologized to her friends. Mom continued, and said,
"All three of you can go. It’s no big deal."
The three ran into the playroom, and put on their most matronly face.
Sara used a saccharine sweet voice, and said, "boys, you have to stop
playing. It’s time for din din, Yummy-Yummy."
Brad was kind of hungry, and immediately put down the blocks he was
playing with. He started to walk to the kitchen, and Becky followed him.
She grabbed Brad’s hand, and the two walked to the kitchen holding
hands. Ryan was intently playing with Legos, and pretended not to hear
Sara’s request. Rachel went straight to Ryan, and pulled his hands away
from the Legos. "It’s lunch time, let’s go." The tone was really firm,
like a mother who wanted an immediate response.
Rachel held firmly on Ryan’s hand, and started walking toward the door.
Even though Ryan was three years older than Rachel, she wasn’t that much
smaller than Ryan. She took him by surprise, and started to drag him
across the floor. Ryan got the message, and started to follow Rachel to
the kitchen. Rachel held firmly to his hand, and Ryan couldn’t get his
Ryan and Brad sat in their highchairs, while the girls sat in chairs.
They both had sandwiches, but mom cut the girls' sandwiches in half. She
cut the boys' sandwiches into bite-sized pieces.
Rachel was sitting right next to Ryan, and leaned over and said "I’m
going to be your mommy today."
Becky looked at Brad and followed, "And I’m going to be yours."
Ryan quickly finished his sandwich, and Rachel immediately praised him
for finishing his meal. "Wow, all gone. What a big boy you are!" She
grabbed a bottle from the middle of the table, and gave it to Ryan.
"Make sure you drink it all up."
He would have left the table, but couldn’t get of the highchair until
his mom took him out. Everybody finished lunch before mom let the boys
out of their highchairs. All five kids went into the living room, and
watched television. Becky was able to put Brad on her lap, but Ryan was
too heavy for Rachel’s lap. Instead she sat on the couch, and Ryan sat
About an hour later, mom came in to check the boys’ diapers. They were
both wet, and the girls asked if they could change the diapers. Mom
politely said, "I don’t think you’re old enough yet, but thanks anyway."
Mom changed their diapers, and then sent them to the nursery for their
nap. Mom put each boy in their crib, but the girls put the pacifiers in
the boys’ mouths. Right before the light turned out, they said in unison
Ryan lay in his crib, and couldn’t believe that he had just let Rachel
completely mother him. He didn’t protest when Rachel put a pacifier in
his mouth, and willingly sat right underneath her while watching
television. At first he thought he was powerless to this, but realized
that he willingly allowed it all to happen. He even enjoyed it, which
really surprised him. It was one thing when it was Jessica, who was
older than him. Rachel was three years younger than Ryan, and he still
allowed her to mother him.
Ryan liked being a baby, and that caught him by surprise. The next day,
which was Saturday, Ryan did something that astounded him even further.
Ryan took his nap at the normal time, and slept throughout the whole
nap. He woke up from his nap at three o’clock, and was alone in the
room. He climbed out of his crib, and walked downstairs to see where
Joyce, Brad, and Sara were watching a movie. Ryan had a confused look on
his face, like he wasn’t really sure where he was. Joyce smiled at him,
and said "Now you’re up sleepy head. I couldn’t wake you when I started
Ryan suddenly wanted his mom, and asked "Where’s mommy?"
Joyce didn't expect to hear Ryan ask that question, since she had told
him she was coming over before. "She’s going to a party, so I’m going to
taking care of you for the rest of the day. Is your diaper wet?"
"Uh huh." Ryan was still groggy from his nap, and didn’t have a lot of
spirit in his voice.
Joyce changed his diaper, and then they sat down to watch the movie.
Without thinking, Ryan sat on Joyce’s lap and fell asleep again. It was
about 4:30 when Joyce woke him up, and said "Ryan, you need to get up,
you pooped your diaper." He turned his body directly into Joyce’s bosom,
and fell sound asleep. Once again, Ryan was perfectly comfortable being
a complete baby.
The James' always went to church Sunday mornings. No matter what the
weather, or the where they were, they always made sure to go to church.
Ever since the divorce, Mrs. James took the kids to church to make sure
they had good role models in the community.
Ryan always considered church the most boring part of the week, but was
afraid to say anything about it. He believed in God, but mainly because
he didn't want to go to hell. He never complained about church, but was
never excited about it. Ryan just wished he could sleep in on Sunday
morning and pretend that he went to church all along.
Ryan’s mother came into the nursery at 7:30 Sunday morning to wake up
her two boys. She woke Brad up first and took him to the changing table
while Ryan was still sleeping in his crib.
Mrs. James undid the snaps to Brad’s pajamas and pulled down the rubber
pants covering his diaper. To her surprise, the diaper was still dry!
This was the first time ever that Brad was dry in the morning and Mrs.
James figured that deserved a lot of praise.
"Wow, what a big boy you are! Your diaper is completely dry, I’m so
proud of you!" She gave Brad a big hug and kissed on the forehead. The
big boy achievement made Brad very excited. He was genuinely proud of
staying dry, but then his mother continued. "You know, you may ready for
some potty training again." Her voice quivered in the uncertainty of her
feelings. On one hand, she was defiantly proud of her son’s achievement
and excited that he was getting closer to dryness. On the other hand,
potty training was such an excruciating chore, that keeping Brad in
diapers seemed a viable alternative.
There was no uncertainty in Brad’s voice. It was one of ultimate fear!
For him, potty training was a torturous procedure, which he anticipated
the same way that one would for dental work. There was no masking the
fear in his voice when he said "NO, I don’t wanna potty train."
"Ok, we can wait until you’re ready. You can keep your diaper on and go
downstairs for some breakfast."
The commotion woke Ryan up from his sleep, but he pretended to still be
sleeping the whole time. He was awake enough to know that his diaper was
sopping wet and the thought of watching Brad become potty trained filled
him with fear. He had two big anxieties when Brad woke up dry. The first
was Brad being potty trained, while he remained in diapers. Ryan wanted
Brad’s company in diapers and didn’t want to be the only diapered child
in the family. The second anxiety was having to become potty trained
with Brad. He feared his party would be over and he would have to go
back to underwear. He had only just begun to enjoy his diapers and
didn’t want to give them up.
Mrs. James took Ryan out of his crib and placed him on the changing
table. She already knew Ryan was wet when she lifted him from the crib.
The extra weight on the diaper added at least five pounds to Ryan’s
weight, so there was no surprise when the rubber pants came down. She
was really hoping that Ryan would be dry, especially after Brad. As hard
as she tried to hide her disappointment, Ryan could tell when she said,
"Well, you certainly soaked this diaper." She took the urine-soaked
diaper off Ryan and replaced it with a fresh cloth diaper. Even though
they would be leaving in an hour, she still needed to dress Ryan. She
would put the disposable diaper on him then and he wore a cloth diaper
Mom made sure to tell Sara about Brad’s achievement at breakfast. They
were sitting around the table and mom asked Sara, "Did Bradley tell you
what happened this morning?"
Brad hadn’t mentioned a thing to his sister and she responded "No."
"He stayed dry all night."
"Wow," Sara said in a mock amazement. "That is so cool. Was Ryan dry?"
"No, his diaper was quite wet, but he’ll get there."
"Gee, Brad’s becoming drier than Ryan."
What ever hint of big-boy-ness Ryan had was gone by the end of
breakfast. He no longer cared that Sara thought he was a baby, because
he considered himself one as well.
He still hadn’t had any social interaction with kids his own age, except
for Scott, since he went back to diapers. Every time Ryan was out in
public, it looked like he was really just a little boy. His mother even
kept him from Sunday School the previous Sunday, but this time she
decided to send him to his regular class. She considered Sunday school
to be as important as regular school and diapers were no excuse to miss
Ryan obviously felt a little strange while he sat in his Sunday school
class that Morning. He wore his regular Sunday clothes. Fortunately,
Ryan’s butt was slender and his pants could still fit over his diapers.
It was a tight fit and only partially concealed his diaper. Ryan was
sure every kid in class could tell. He was afraid to move around at all,
because the crinkling sound would surely give away his secret. He just
sat in the back of class and participated only minimally in class.
Ryan finally got home at noon and had never been so relieved to see
home. He wet his diaper shortly after getting to church at 9:00 and had
been sitting in that same soaked diaper for three hours. Mrs. James
changed his diaper when he got home and the fresh diaper felt really
Once again, he was back to being a baby and was glad to do it. He
happily sat in his high chair at lunch and once again fell sound asleep
during his nap time. When he was awake, he happily played with his toys,
perfectly content with his life.
Mom changed Ryan and Brad back into the Pampers after dinner, which
meant they were going out of the house again. Ryan didn’t know they were
taking Mrs. Bardogian, Chad’s mother, to the airport. Mom told him that
Chad and Alexis were spending the week at their house while Mrs.
Bardogian was away on a business trip, but forgot.
"Where are we going?" Ryan asked in whinny voice that resembled a
"We are going to take Mrs. Bardogian to the airport and then Chad and
Alexis are staying here."
"Because Mrs. Bardogian is going away on business, so Chad and Alexis
need a place to stay."
"Because they are our friends and we take care of them. Remember when
you stayed with Chad?"
Ryan ignored his mother’s question and asked the obligatory "Why?" The
patterned continued, until Mom ran out of patience with the constant
"Why?" questions and said, "Because I said so!"
Last time they were together, Chad left awkwardly and the uneasiness was
still there when they meet up in the van. Ryan and Brad were buckled in
the back and Chad sat next to Sara in the middle seat. It didn’t take
Sara long to tell Chad about Ryan’s new situation.
"Chad, you know what?"
"Ryan’s still wearing diapers and now he is even sleeping in a crib."
"He’s still in diapers?" Chad pretended that Ryan wasn’t even there.
"Yeah and he eats in a high chair and has to take naps. It just like
he’s a baby." She would have continued, but her mom was coming back to
the van. Sara stopped just in time and her mom didn’t know that she was
Chad wondered if he was going to receive the same treatment. He had
spent so much time with Ryan in the past and they always received the
same treatment. They always went to bed at the same time and shared the
same bedrooms. They even got in trouble together, mainly because they
were always next to each other. Ryan wondered if he would have to sleep
in a crib and even wear diapers! He was confused, because he didn’t even
know whether he wanted it to happen. He kept wondering whether Mrs.
James would make him wear a diaper once he got to their house, since
Ryan was already wearing one.
Alexis sat right next to Ryan, in the back of the van. She heard Sara
telling Chad about Ryan’s diapers and immediately put her hand in Ryan’s
crotch. She could feel the bind of the Pampers diaper under Ryan’s pants
and said "You are wearing a diaper, cool."
Alexis was at an awkward age. At thirteen, she was too young to drive,
but too old for Barbies. It was already evident that she would become a
beautiful woman. She was taller than her mother, but her height was all
in her legs. At the time Alexis looked like a spider, with almost no
body. Alexis hated the way she looked, but her mother knew the Alexis’s
body would soon catch up. Mrs. Bardogian tended to treat Alexis a little
younger than she was and Alexis wanted more independence than she
deserved. Alexis was resentful that she couldn’t stay at home and had
been sulking all afternoon. Her diaper comment was the only cheerful
thing she had said all day.
Ryan didn’t know what to make of Alexis comment. She had always been the
older sister, who thought she was so much better than Ryan and Chad.
Ryan always thought Alexis was stuck up, but at least she was talking to
him. Chad wasn’t talking to him at all.
It took them about two hours to make the loop to the airport and back.
It was around 8:45 when they finally got home, which was well past Ryan
and Brad’s bedtime. Mom rushed Ryan and Brad up to the nursery and got
them ready for bed immediately after they got home.
Chad learned that he wasn’t going to have to sleep in the nursery, or
wear diapers at the same time. The James’ house had six bedrooms and a
small den. Chad set up in the guest bedroom, while Alexis moved into the
den. When Mrs. James told Chad that he could set himself up in the guest
bedroom, he was relieved, but at the same time almost wished the
opposite was true. He wondered what it was like to wear diapers again,
but was afraid to ask.
The next day was one of those overcast days, where the sun never shined
the whole day. It wasn’t raining, which never happens during the summer
in California. It just wasn’t a day that made anybody want to go out.
Everyone settled around inside the house and never left it all day long.
Ryan and Brad continued with their regular pattern of eating, playing
and napping. Sara went out to play with Rachel and Becky and Chad
watched TV all day long. Chad kind of played with Ryan a little, but not
much. He wasn’t trying to ignore Ryan, but was afraid to play with him.
Something made Chad feel really uncomfortable when he was with Ryan and
it was easier just to ignore him.
Alexis slept most of the day. She didn’t get up until 1:00 and she only
got some lunch, or breakfast, went back to room and watched soaps.
Ordinarily, such behavior would have gotten Alexis in trouble with her
mom, but Mrs. James didn’t seem annoyed in the least.
Ryan didn’t even see Alexis all day, until about 5:00. Alexis had
finally come out of her room and was in the kitchen helping Mrs. James
with dinner. Everyone else was in the living room, watching Sister
Sister. Ryan filled his diaper while they were watching the show and
Sara immediately noticed the smell.
"MOMM, RYAN POOPED HIS DIAPER. CAN YOU CHANGE HIM NOW, HE REALLY
SMELLS!" She cried from the living room in a voice loud enough for
everybody to hear.
Mrs. James had her hands in dough and needed couldn’t leave the kitchen
at that exact minute. The combination of Sara’s shouting and Ryan’s
diaper caused to voice an expletive.
"Oh shit." It wasn’t very loud, but Alexis heard it. Mrs. James gave
Alexis a wry smile and shook her head. She gathered her composure and
said, "Honey, don’t shout out like that. If you have something to say,
come in the kitchen and tell me."
Even though Mrs. James definitely heard Sara the first time, she made
her walk into the kitchen and tell her again.
"Mom, Ryan’s diaper really smells. Can you change it?"
"Not right now, I need a few minutes to finish this."
"Awe mom, he really smells."
Alexis was looking for something to do. She wasn’t sure whether she was
really helping Mrs. James in the kitchen and offered to help with Ryan.
"I can change his diaper." She said, not really sure what she was
getting herself into.
"Are you sure you want to do that? Ryan can really do a number in his
diaper. He only poops once a day, but when he does it’s a big one."
"Yeah, his diapers are really stinky! I wouldn’t want to change his
poopy diapers," Sara chimed in with her two cents.
"I’ve changed poopy diapers before, I’ll do it."
"Ok, but you don’t have to."
Alexis didn’t baby-sit a lot, but had some experience baby-sitting kids.
She had only changed a few diapers in her life, but knew how to do it.
She had even baby-sat a four year old who wore diapers to bed. The kid
pooped in his diaper before bedtime and Alexis had to change his poopy
Ryan wasn’t really comfortable with Alexis changing his diaper,
especially a poopy diaper. Those always took more time, but he didn’t
like sitting around in poopy diapers either. He chose the lesser of two
evils and allowed Alexis to change his diaper (he really didn’t have the
choice, but Alexis made it seem like he did).
It really wasn’t that bad. Alexis didn’t make any gagging sounds, even
though she had to hold her breath, especially when she first opened his
diaper and saw how bad it was. She had changed poopy diapers, but not
one like this. It took forever to get the poop off his bottom, but
Alexis was persistent. She was very deliberate and it took about fifteen
minutes in total. Alexis made sure everything was just right. She even
rubbed baby oil over Ryan’s stomach. Alexis didn’t say much during the
change, but at the end she said "There you are, all nice and clean." It
was clear that she enjoyed taking care of Ryan and truth be told, Ryan
didn’t mind it either.
Alexis, who was desperate for some responsibility, took it upon herself
to take care of Ryan and Brad. Mrs. James didn’t expect Alexis to lift a
finger around the house, since she apparently never helped at home. It
didn’t surprise Mrs. James when Alexis slept all Monday. She remembered
being thirteen and that’s what she did. After Alexis changed Ryan’s
diaper, her whole attitude changed. She suddenly started smiling and
even talking to other people.
After changing Ryan’s diaper, Alexis went into the living room and
pretended to play with Brad. In reality she was watching the kids, but
they didn’t know that. Brad wet his diaper after he played with Alexis.
Alexis noticed the change in Brad’s facial expression and asked "Did you
just go pee pee in your diaper?"
Brad was enjoying himself and didn’t want to stop playing for a diaper
change, said, "No. I no pee pee."
Alexis knew Brad was wet and immediately started tickling him. Brad lay
on his back, which allowed Alexis to check the diaper. "See, the diaper
is wet. You lied!" She touched the tip of his nose, like she was playing
"got your nose." Alexis played with Brad the whole time she changed his
diaper. She even blew raspberries on his stomach, which made Brad laugh.
Ryan was less receptive to Alexis’s playful tones. He was sure she
ulterior motives and shied away from her. Alexis changed Ryan’s diaper
at bedtime and again in the morning. She tried to talk to him, but Ryan
wouldn’t say anything.
Ryan finally warmed to Alexis when he came back from Nursery School. He
watched as Alexis changed Brad’s diaper. Alexis was playfully tugging
with Brad and Brad was laughing hysterically. Ryan seemed jealous, but
didn’t want Alexis to change his diaper. When she finished with Brad,
she checked Ryan’s diaper.
"You need a new diaper also. Lie down." Ryan did as he was told, but
didn’t seem to enjoy it. All the sudden Alexis started making funny
faces at Ryan. She tried to get him to smile, but Ryan kept the sullen
look on his face. Alexis then said, "Ok, you want to sulk. I’ll sulk
too." She was saying this in a sarcastic tone, that was way over the
top. Alexis put on the sulky face, with her jaw stuck way out. She
turned her bottom lip out and made an exaggerated frown. Her face looked
like a sad clown and Alexis pretended to cry. It made Ryan laugh and
immediately started tickling him. She put a big smile on her face and
said, "See, I told you I can make you laugh."
Alexis had finally won Ryan’s trust and he started to play with her the
same way that Brad did. Alexis became the Ms. Popular. Ryan and Brad
fought over Alexis’s lap when they were watching TV and who got to sit
next to her at dinnertime. Alexis enjoyed the attention and took
exquisite care of the two boys. She even tucked them in that night and
read the bedtime story.
The whole time this was going on, Chad sat uncomfortably on the side.
Chad didn’t really know what to make of his old friend’s predicament. He
was getting lonely, since he didn’t have anyone to play with around the
house. He envied all the attention that Ryan and Brad received and was a
little curious about the diapers. He was potty trained long before he
could remember and never remembered wearing diapers. As the youngest
child in his family, he wasn’t around diapers very much and didn’t think
of them a lot. Now his best friend was wearing diapers all the time and
Chad wondered what it was like.
Mrs. James had an all day meeting on Wednesday. Ordinarily, she wouldn’t
have any problem sending Ryan and Brad next door and let Joyce watch
them while she was out. This time, however, there were other factors.
Alexis was old enough to take care of herself, but Chad needed somebody
around. She also agreed to watch Scott, who couldn’t go to the daycamp
anymore. Scott went back to diapers after he came back from the James’s
house last week and didn’t want to go to the day camp anymore. Mrs.
James had every confidence in Joyce and knew she could handle four boys.
How ever, three of boys in diapers is a handful.
Another wrench was thrown in the fire when Sara wanted Rachel and Becky
to come over for the day. That meant that there would be seven kids
staying at her house for the day and three of them in diapers. Joyce
invited Jessica to come over and help, which made Mrs. James more
comfortable than any other alternative. She knew Joyce could handle
everything, especially since Mrs. Wilkerson was next door.
Scott’s mom brought him over right 8 o’clock that morning, which was
when Ryan and Brad were eating breakfast. Scott walked in to see Ryan
and Brad sitting in their high chairs. Alexis was feeding Brad and Joyce
was feeding Ryan.
Mrs. James gave the kids one last good bye. "Bye bye, remember be good.
Joyce is in charge, so I don’t want to hear that you guys were bad. I’ll
be back by dinner." She kissed each child on the forehead and walked out
Scott was sure what to do and Joyce took charge. She looked Scott
directly in the eye and said, "Scott, do you want to be a big boy, or do
you want me to treat you like I treat Ryan?"
Scott thought about it for a minute. He just assumed that he would be a
baby like Ryan and looked forward to it. He had seen how Joyce treated
Ryan and was eager for the same treatment. He debated with himself and
decided that being a baby was fine with him. "I’ll be baby."
"Ok, that means your going to have to take a nap and you aren’t allowed
to be by yourself."
Alexis had just finished feeding Brad and asked Scott if he wanted any
oatmeal. Oatmeal wasn’t one of Scott’s favorite meals, but being fed
like a baby was too good to pass up. Scott answered with a meek, unsure,
Alexis fixed him a bowl of oatmeal and then told him to get in the high
chair. Scott climbed up to the high chair and Alexis fixed a bib around
his neck. She put the spoon in the oatmeal and Scott opened is mouth. At
first the thrill of being spoon fed allowed the oatmeal to pass through,
but soon Scott had his fill. He started to clinch his mouth, which
forced Alexis to resort to strange antics to get Scott to open his
mouth. She made airplane sounds and would make him laugh. Once Scott
opened his mouth, she would put in the spoon and Scott would have to
swallow more oatmeal. Eventually they finished the bowl, but Scott was a
complete mess. Oatmeal was all over his face and down his bib. Alexis
washed his face, just like she did when she fed Brad.
They finally finished breakfast and the three ‘babies’ began to play
with their toys, which were strewn all over the living room floor. Joyce
set up a little play pen next to the kitchen, so she could keep an eye
on them while they played. At first, Chad was watching TV with the
girls, but he got bored watching the stupid movie they were watching.
Eventually the curiosity got the better of Chad and he decided to play
with the other boy’s. Chad sat next to Ryan and Scott, who were building
with their Legos. Chad wasn’t sure how to approach them, or that they
would accept him. It was a strange feeling for him, since he was never
excluded from anything.
Chad was the opposite of Ryan. Even though Ryan was a year older than
him, he was bigger than Ryan. Ryan enjoyed playing different sports, but
wasn’t very good at them. He was one the last kids picked on teams and
always had to play the undesirable position. He was a defender in soccer
and an outfielder in baseball. Chad was a pitcher and played first base.
He was the biggest and fastest kid in his class and made friends easily.
Ryan always thought that he wasn’t cool enough to be Chad’s friend. Chad
had friends who thought they were cool and didn’t like Ryan. Chad’s
friends didn’t like Ryan and Ryan was sure Chad would eventually feel
the same. It seemed like the time had come and Ryan no longer cared. He
met Scott, who was in the same boat as Ryan. Scott wasn’t cool and
didn’t make friends easily.
Ironically, Chad didn’t have the same feelings. He never thought that
Ryan wasn’t cool and didn’t care what his other friends thought. He
really wanted to patch things up with Ryan, but didn’t know how. He
really felt bad that he ignored Ryan for two days and wondered if Ryan
would accept him back.
"What are you doing?" Chad asked meekly, not really sure how Ryan would
"Playing Legos." Ryan answered coldly. He didn’t expect Chad to play
with him anymore and didn’t care either.
"Can I play?"
"If you want." Ryan gave Chad some Legos and Chad had to play with
Eventually the three boys began to play together and made a really cool
building. They got so engrossed in their building that they forgot about
the uneasiness that existed between themselves. They were playing
together just like nothing was wrong and were only interrupted when Ryan
and Scott needed a diaper change.
The diaper change allowed Chad to bring up another topic that had burned
in his mind for three days. He was really curious what diapers were
like, but was afraid to ask. Chad watched as Joyce gently changed Ryan’s
diaper and tried to imagine that he was getting changed. No matter how
hard he tried, he couldn’t picture it. He hadn’t even touched a diaper
before, so it couldn’t imagine what it felt like.
Ryan went back to his Legos. Chad had to find the answer. He began to
speak with a quiet voice. "Ryan." It was a whisper, which Ryan could
"What?" Ryan answered at a normal tone, which caused Chad to put his
fingers to his lips.
Chad didn’t want anyone to hear his question and whispered to Ryan.
"What does a diaper feel like?"
"What do you mean?"
"How do you like wearing a diaper?"
At first, Ryan wondered whether he should tell his friend the truth.
Should he tell him that it was cool, or should he lie? His instinct told
him that Chad wanted the truth. "I kind of like it. It feels really good
and I don’t have to worry about going potty."
Going potty never seemed like a chore to Chad, so he asked "What do you
mean, you don’t like to go potty?"
"No, wearing diapers is a lot better." Jessica had just finished with
Scott’s diaper and Ryan asked Scott, "Scott, do you think diapers are
"Yeah, they are lot better than Pull Ups."
The boys kept discussing the merits of diapers versus underwear, until
Ryan asked, "Do you want to try one?"
"Maybe, but how?" Chad wasn’t really sure how he wanted to answer that
"I’ve got some extra diapers in my room. Just go up there and try one
on. Nobody will know. You can even use on, just put in the diaper pail."
"You go with me."
"I can’t. Joyce won’t let us be alone. You have to go by yourself."
The temptation was too strong and Chad went up by himself. He quietly
walked upstairs, grateful that no one noticed him leaving. The door to
the Nursery was closed and Chad carefully opened it. He walked in the
room like it was a mine field, careful not to make any suspicious noise.
The last thing he wanted was someone to catch him in the nursery.
He noticed the opened bag of Pampers Kids right away. It was underneath
the changing table. He carefully grabbed the top diaper, making sure not
to disturb any of the other diapers. He felt the diaper and it felt
terrific. It was soft and smooth. When he squeezed the diaper it made
the same sound that Ryan’s bed used to make when they were younger. Chad
didn’t know then, but that was the rubber sheet protecting Ryan’s
Chad debated for a while and then decided to try it on. He undid his
shorts and then dropped his under. He stood naked in the middle of the
nursery and wondered how to put the diaper. He spread out the diaper and
then lied down on it. He undid the tabs and then pulled the diaper up to
his stomach. He pulled the diaper as tight as he could and then fastened
the tabs. He got up and examined himself in the mirror. Amazed, he
couldn’t believe that he actually had a diaper on.
It was just as Ryan told him. The diaper was marvelous. It was better
than he had imagined. He admired himself in a mirror and then pulled his
shorts up over the diaper. He carefully examined everything before
leaving the room, making sure there was no outward evidence of his
diaper. He wanted to stay in the diaper for a while longer, but didn’t
want his sister catching him.
Chad walked back downstairs and once again settled down to play with the
other boys. Ryan asked "Did you try a diaper?"
"Yeah, I’ve got it on now." He exposed the top of the diaper and said,
"See. Where should I put after I use it?"
"Just put it in the pail. If you just use one they won’t notice, but be
careful. It might leak if you wet too much." Chad acknowledged Ryan’s
warning and they continued with their playing.
Thirty minutes Ryan started to smell a dirty diaper. At first he didn’t
think anything of it, since Scott and Brad were also in diapers. Soon
the smell drifted to the couch, where the girls were watching TV. Joyce
spoke up and said "I think one of you boys has a dirty diaper. Who is
All three looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. Ryan
instantly realized that it belonged to Chad. He forgot to warn Chad that
poopy diapers were hard to clean.
The three boys stayed silent, so Joyce had to start asking. "Is you
Alexis said, "I hope not, I just changed him."
Brad denied that it was him, then Ryan and Scott followed suit. Joyce
called each boy over one by one and each time she found a dry diaper.
"Well, it’s not one of the boys." Looking at the three young girls, she
asked, "Is it one of you girls?"
Appalled at being accused of pooping their pants, the girls responded in
unison "NO! We’re not babies."
"Well, it’s someone and who ever it is better 'fess up. If I catch you,
you're wearing diapers for the rest of the day."
Alexis looked straight at Chad and had strange suspicion that it was
him. Chad was silent the whole time, so Alexis asked her brother. "Chad,
did you poop your pants?"
Chad’s answer was firm. "NO!" The quickness didn’t quell her suspicions
and Alexis decided to call him over.
"Chad come over here, I want to check to make sure."
"No, I’m not one of the babies."
"Chad, if you don’t come over here, I’m coming over there and pulling
down your pants."
"No you’re not!" Chad got up and started to run away.
Alexis chased after him and easily caught him before he got to the
stairs. She grabbed the top of his shorts and pulled them down. She
exposed the diaper to everyone in the room and it was obvious that it
was dirty. "Oh my god, you’re wearing a diaper!! And you pooped in it!"
Joyce looked at Chad and said "Do you what that means, Chad?"
"It means that you’re going to stay in diapers. You’re going to be a
baby as well."
"NO! I don’t wanna!"
"Too late, you’re already in diapers and that’s how you’re going to
The rest of the afternoon was pretty non-eventful. Chad remained in
diapers the whole afternoon, as Alexis had warned, and took his nap like
a good baby. At first, Chad pouted and went off by himself in the
corner. Alexis basically ignored him, and said "You’re the one who chose
to wear a diaper. You also decided to poop in it, so this is what you
Mrs. James was surprised when she got home and found out that Chad was
wearing a diaper. "What happened here? Why is Chad wearing a diaper?"
Joyce felt a little embarrassed by this, after all this was the second
time a little boy ended up in diapers while she was in charge. "I don’t
know what to tell you. The boys were playing up in the playroom, and
when they came down Chad was in a diaper."
"You mean he was just wearing a diaper?"
"No, we couldn’t tell until he pooped in the diaper. The boys were
playing in the sandbox, and I could smell a poop. We looked at Brad,
Scott, and Ryan, but they were all dry. Alexis asked Chad if he had an
accident, and Chad ran away. Alexis caught him, and he had a poopy
diaper. We decided to let him wear one the rest of the afternoon."
"How did he get it?"
"I don’t know. Do you know, Alexis?"
"He told me he wanted to see what it’s like." Alexis wasn’t sure if they
were trouble, or not.
"How should we explain this to your mother?" Mrs. James asked Alexis.
"I have no idea. Nothing like this has ever happened. Does she know
"Yeah, I told her about it last week. I don’t think she thought Chad
would end up in one. How is Chad doing?"
Both girls simultaneously responded "Good."
Joyce continued "He pouted a little until nap time, but since then he
has been a perfect angel. Much better than before, and seems happier."
"Well, I guess he could stay in the diaper for now. I’m not looking
forward to calling Karen tonight."
Mrs. James spent the rest of the evening thinking what she could tell
Mrs. Bardogian. Karen was her best friend, but she didn’t know what to
tell her. Her ten year old son is currently wearing a diaper! A trusted
baby-sitter put a seemingly normal ten year old in diapers. The more she
thought about it the worse it sounded.
It finally got to the point where she couldn’t put it off any longer.
Mrs. James gave the three boys their baths, and then diapered each of
them. Chad asked, "Mrs. James, how long am I going to have to wear
"I’m calling your mother tonight, and we’ll see what she says. I’ll let
you know in the morning." Mrs. James was really curious how Chad felt
about the diapers. "How do you feel about it? If you don’t want them,
I’ll let you sleep in underwear tonight."
Chad thought about it. He was embarrassed to admit it, but he liked the
way the diapers felt. He wasn’t ready to stop wearing them, so he
answered "I’ll wear diapers tonight."
Mrs. James let out a silent sigh; relieved that she wasn’t forcing Chad
into diapers. She still didn’t look forward to the upcoming conversation
with his mother, but at least Chad chose diapers. She gave Chad a sweet
smile, and said "All right," and proceeded to diaper Chad.
The cloth diaper felt even nicer than the disposable diaper Chad had
been wearing. It was thicker, and softer. They set up a small bed in the
nursery for Chad, which was really just an air mattress on the floor.
Mrs. James sat in a big comfy chair, and read the boys a bedtime story.
Ryan and Brad were sucking on their nighttime bottle, and Chad’s envious
look did not go unnoticed. She considered letting Chad have a bottle as
well, but decided to leave things as they were for now.
Mrs. James finished the story, and then tucked the boys in their cribs
(and bed). She turned out the light, and went to the living room to call
Mrs. Bardogian. Time had not cured her fear; if anything it actually
heightened the apprehension. The phone felt so heavy as she picked it
up, and she could barely punch the numbers. She prayed that the phone
would keep ringing, but Mrs. Bardogian answered on the second ring.
Mrs. James took a few deep breaths, and began to speak. "Karen."
"Mary, I was hoping you would call. How are the kids?" Bang first
question. Mary was hoping that they could get some small talk first, but
of course it was her kids that most concerned Karen.
"Well." Mrs. Bardogian immediately felt the reluctance in Mary’s voice.
She knew something was up.
"Is their any problems? Do you want me to talk to them?"
There was no way to get around this, but tell the truth. She had to
begin at the beginning, and explain the situation. "Well, first off,
nobody is hurt, we just have a situation with Chad."
"Is he getting out of line? Tell him that if he doesn’t shape up, he’ll
be grounded for a month."
"No, for the first days Chad’s attitude was a little iffy. You remember
how Ryan and Brad are back in diapers?"
"Well, the first few days Chad wasn’t very nice to them. He didn’t make
fun of them, but he ignored them. I could tell he was uncomfortable with
it." Mrs. James paused a bit, and then started again. "Today, Chad
decided to try one of the diapers, and he pooped in it."
‘What do you mean?"
"He snuck into the nursery, put a diaper on, and then pooped in it.
Alexis, and our baby-sitter Joyce, decided to keep him in diaper for the
rest of the afternoon."
"How’s he behaving now?"
"He has behaved really well since then. They said he pouted a little
before nap time, but since then he’s been fine. He doesn’t argue with us
"Is he wearing a diaper now?" Chad’s mom was trying to figure all the
"Yeah, I told him that he could wear underwear if he wanted, but he said
he wanted a diaper."
Mrs. James was happy with how this was going, since she expected a much
harsher conversation. Mrs. Bardogian, on the other hand, was completely
confused about the whole thing. She always believed diapers were
primarily for babies, and never understood how Mary kept her kids in
diapers so long. Alexis was completely out of diapers by two and a half,
and Chad was out of them by his third birthday. Chad was out of diapers
completely while Ryan, a year older, was still in diapers full time. She
really didn’t understand her reasoning for keeping Brad in diapers so
long, and putting Ryan back in diapers. The whole thing got completely
muddled now that Chad CHOSE to wear diapers.
"I don’t know what to do Mary. I never expected this. What do you think?"
"Well, it looks like Chad is curious about diapers. I don’t mind him
wearing them, as long as you’re all right with it. It’s probably easier
on me, since it less awkward for the kids. I think the boy’s are
comfortable with it. I don’t see the harm in keeping him in diapers.
I’ll let him out if he wants out, but for now I’d just keep him in
"No," Karen replied. Mrs. James thought "Oh boy!" "Don’t let him out of
the diapers. I’ll take care of that when we get home. He wants to wear
them, so he should wear them the rest of the week.. Just treat exactly
like you do Ryan."
Chad behaved perfectly for the next three days. He took his naps without
complaining, played with the boys without fighting, and never resisted
diaper changes. Everything seemed to be going great until Saturday, when
Chad decided that he had enough of the diapers. He had worn diapers for
four days, and when he woke up Saturday morning he told Alexis "I don’t
want to be a baby anymore. Give me my underwear."
Alexis undid Chad’s soggy diaper, and calmly told him "Mom said that you
have to wear diapers the rest of the week. It’s only one more day."
"I don’t wanna. Let me wear underwear. I’m not a baby!" Chad complained.
Alexis tried as hard as she could, but couldn’t control her brother. She
called on Mrs. James to help.
Mrs. James was calm, and didn’t shout. "Chad calm down. You’re going to
have to wear diapers for one more day. Let me take the soggy diaper off
before you get a rash." Chad tried to run away, but Mrs. James caught
him. She put him on the ground, and changed his diaper. It took both her
and Alexis to change the diaper. Chad pouted the rest of the morning,
and ended up in time-out three times.
Mrs. James had so much trouble controlling Chad that she called on Joyce
to help her. Chad was really reluctant when it came time for a diaper
change. He wouldn’t stay still, and it took two people to hold him down.
Mrs. James eventually put Chad in a playpen for the rest of the day.
Chad was still rebellious on Sunday morning, and was back in the playpen
when his mom came to pick him up. The only way they could keep him in
line was to keep him in the playpen, and away from Ryan and Brad.
Everyone could see Mrs. Bardogian seethe with anger when Mrs. James told
her what happened. She kept turning her head, and sighing "that boy."
Mrs. James worried what might happen to Chad, and wondered whether she
should have told Karen everything.
Ryan watched in horror when Mrs. Bardogian grabbed Chad out of the
playpen, and took him into the nursery. He had never seen Mrs. Bardogian
that angry, nor any other parent. Chad eyes grew when he saw his mother
so angry, and he started screaming. "NO MOMMY! I’M SORRY!"
Everyone stayed in the living room, while Mrs. Bardogian and Chad were
in the nursery. The nursery is upstairs, and they couldn’t hear what was
going on. What they could hear was Chad screaming! Pretty soon the
screaming stopped, but Chad began to cry.
Chad received the worst spanking he ever got. His walked him right into
the nursery, and lifted him on to the changing table. She was harsh as
she undid Chad’s diaper, which was wet. It wasn’t the gentle manor that
Mrs. James changed diapers, or even Alexis and Joyce. Chad’s mom was
angry, and trying hard to contain her anger. Chad tried to explain his
story, but his mom stopped him. "Your time for talking is over, now it’s
time to listen!" She said "I don’t want to ever hear that you disobeyed
an adult again. Mrs. James needed to call on the neighbor to help keep
an eye on you, and that’s not acceptable. She wouldn’t spank you, but I
will." Chad was spanked continuously for two minutes! Not hard, but the
constant slapping began to burn. After thirty seconds Chad began to cry,
and cried for a good three minutes after the spanking stopped. Once Chad
stopped crying he learned what his punishment would really be.
He went back to the changing table, and his mom put another diaper on
him. She didn’t put any pants over the diaper, so Chad just had a
T-shirt and a diaper. Chad began to ask his mom "How l--?"
Chad’s mom stuck a pacifier in his mouth just as he started talking, and
said "You’ve lost all your privileges, which includes talking. Each day
your good you get one privilege back, but if you don’t follow the rules
you lose a privilege. Right now you’re not allowed to do anything. I’ll
carry you to the car, and to your bed when we get home."
Chad came out of the nursery in his mother’s arms. Ryan started to say
something to Chad, but Chad’s mother said "Chad’s not allowed to talk
right now. Maybe in a week you can come by, and talk to Chad."
Two weeks later Ryan went over to Chad’s house. He was still wearing a
diaper, and crawling around the house. He had gotten his talking and
crawling privileges back, but still wasn’t allowed to walk or feed